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June 2012 Moms
khill86
member
Need to vent... Being an ungrateful brat
khill86
member
So I had kind of assumed that I wouldn't be receiving a baby shower because my sister is getting married 2 weeks before I'm due. And I really didn't mind that at all. DH and I never assume that anyone will give us anything, so we weren't counting on a shower to supply our baby with anything.
Well a couple weeks ago, my mom confided in DH that she is planning a suprise shower for me. The biggest surprise, is that she is inviting someone I went to high school with but haven't talked to in over 10 years (and she is not someone I ever even think about, we have totally different lives now and I have no interest in reconnecting). Knowing I hate surprises, DH told me about the shower AND that my mom intends to invite this girl (she actually already has and the girl said she'd come). He didn't want me to be disappointed the day of.
So here's my beef. I hate surpises. I don't want this girl at the shower. I think having a baby is a pretty intimate thing, and I don't want essentially, a stranger there to celebrate with close family and friends, I don't know how my mom will know who to invite (I've got 5 or 6 friends that I absolutely want there, no exception, and she doesn't even know their names). PLUS!!!!! I had planned on going up to the cottage for AT LEAST 2 weeks and maybe longer if I felt like it, 5 weeks before my due date. Well the shower is 4 weeks before my due date. Which means I have to come home for it. Which means, if it truly was a surprise, I 1)may not have even been around to attend, and 2) I would be absolutely pissed at DH for forcing me to come home for no reason. I'm still pissed about being forced to come home.
To top it all off, and this is the most bratty thing of all, my mom is terrible at hosting parties. She only serves and invites what and who she wants. Whereas I, personally, accommodate the tastes of every guest long before I consider myself, and I invite everyone I have a wish to see, without considering the personal trials of other guests. They can decide for themselves who is comfortable coming or not. I would never just not invite someone. Now I know she is hosting so she gets final say, but COME ON! DH said he's not willing to scheme, but he will provide her with a list of people/addresses that I send my Christmas cards to, as people that he thinks I'd like to come.
I'd prefer no shower at all over a surprise one. Boo. I'm throwing myself a pity party instead.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Need to vent... Being an ungrateful brat
Totally understandable. Its an impossibly situation. If you tell your mom how you really feel and that you'd rather not have a shower you totally risk causing a bigger argument. But I completely understand that you wouldn't want this person there- how strange! A baby is a pretty intimate thing, and some people just dont understand that.
I think your best option is exactly what you said- have DH give her a list of people you send Christmas cards to and explain to your mom that you really hate surprises so maybe she should tell you. That might ope up the possibility of communicating to her what is important to you, but also being able to say thank you for throwing it (even if you aren't
). Sometimes sitting back, gritting our teeth, and smiling is the best thing we can do for all parties involved- even though it blows like hell.
Meh. I think you need to get over the "logisitics" of the shower and focus on the intention behind it. While what your mom is doing is maybe not how you'd do it, she's still doing a lovely thing for you. I think if you'd rather pout and have no shower at all than have one that you can't control, then the meaning behind and intention of the shower is lost on you.
With regards to the long lost friend, I'll admit that's a little strange, and can understand your awkwardness on that issue. However, I'd encourage you to consider the situation from the guests perspective. She randomly and totally out of the blue (I suspect) receives a baby shower invite for a girl she hasn't spoken to in years, and perhaps, like you, has no real interest in reconnecting with. But she's agreed to come, either because she feels it's important to you or because, despite the time its been, she still cares about you on some level and wants to wish you well. No doubt being at the shower will be uncomfortable for her as she wont know anyone, so she's making a special effort to celebrate you and your LO.
I know we all have ridiculous moments like these, and you acknowledged that your attitude is bratty, but I suggest you get over it.
You're over thinking this. It's a party being thrown in your honor to give you gifts. Be grateful and have a good time.
I can understand where you're coming from, and I don't necessarily think it's bratty.Doing something nice doesn't seem too nice when you fail to consider the feelings of your guest of honor. Having to change your plans for what you really wanted to do to accomodate a shower where all attention will be on you, you'll feel awkward whole time and the host didn't really take the time to consider what was in your best interest...well, it stinks.
I already have problems with my shower thanks to my MIL and SIL who "just want to help." They may have good intentions, but they created more problems by deciding to host the event themselves (I come from a family where etiquette dictates that no family member should throw the shower), deciding what themes/games/foods would be best based on their tastes, and filling half the guest list with their friends.
Top suggestions:
1. Find someone else to host a baby shower for you and have most of the people who would have gone to the other shower at that one. Schedule it before your mom's one and make sure she knows.
2. Tell her that someone mentioned it to you and while you think it was sweet, you just really don't want to do it. Or tell her you'd like to have some input.
3. Keep your plans and forget the shower altogether. You have plans. If it comes up later, just say they should have checked with you since your schedule is already booked.
4. Bite your tongue and go. Try to keep your chin up and muster through it. You can always say, "Wow, I didn't know you'd be here. What a surprise!" to your old friend.
I can completely relate to your situation. A year ago I moved across the country and have a little group of family here, who are so bloody excited I'm having a boy! I wasn't expecting a shower.
Well, my mom let it slip one day that my aunt is throwing me one. Which is very sweet and I am completely grateful! However, more nervous than excited. I, like you, H A T E surprises! They surprised me for my 30th BD and I couldn't hide my face. Plus, I know my aunt and I know her style. It's the complete opposite of what I would have done. I've been trying to talk to my mom and get her to have some input with her sister on the shower, but her response is, I've got it under control.
The guest list actually made me cry - it's full of my aunt's friends, my cousin's wives' sisters, people that I've NEVER met!! I feel so awkward about having these people who don't know me or my hubby buying our baby things. To top it all off - I'm not even sure if she's inviting our family and friends from NY. Even if they can't come - it would be rude not to invite my MIL!! Plus, I don't even know if my best friend is on that list!
That's the tip of the iceberg! But the only way I can deal with it - is talking it out. It's a hell of a lot better than keeping it in. And when the day comes - try to enjoy it as much as possible!! You never know she could completely surprise you! At least that's what my hubby keeps telling me. I'm praying my aunt and your mom pull this off!
GOOD LUCK!