Austin Babies

Ugh...please help us with this

My poor little girl is having a really rough time with the potty training...and I'm at my wit's end.  The week before last we started training.  She was showing all the signs of readiness.  She did well the first couple days we went straight into undies...couple accidents but was happy to sit on the potty and try and went poopy in the toilet once (no pees in the potty yet).  Then she started holding her poop.  Worried about her systems we started putting a diaper on her for poops.  Then, I went in the hospital for a week and everything kind of fell apart.

She's now back in diapers full time.  I would be "whatever" about it and just try again later but now she is holding both her pee and poops regardless.  She refuses to go and she's miserable about it.  I've heard of a lot of kids holding it when not in diapers...but she's holding it no matter what. She doesn't want to go in her diaper OR on her potty.  She now adamantly does not want to sit on the potty and freaks out about having to go in her diaper.  She literally walks around crouching to the ground, crossing her legs, and, at it's worst, screaming crying because she's so upset that she has to go and can't. She just screams over and over again that she needs to change her diaper...except it's not wet or poopy.  Changing her diaper, i guess, she thinks will relieve her urge to go.  Even if we do change it, she just stands back up and says, "I have to change my diaper," because she still needs to go.  It's relentless.

It breaks my heart to see her such a mess.  It also makes me worried for her health.  She will go pee during naps and nightime and once in a while will now go poop while she's sleeping too (which she never used to do).  I'm not that much help anyway these days because I'm on full bedrest but we've been trying to explain to her that she's the boss of her body, reassure her that it's okay to go, etc.  We take her with us to the potty so she can see us go. 

I'm at a loss.  The pedi wasn't all that helpful and I haven't found anything helpful on google.  I would so appreciate your suggestions -- either from your own experiences OR - if you have suggestions on where to go, who to talk to, or what to read, etc. for help??

Thanks in advance -- sorry so long!

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Photo by Melissa Glynn
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Re: Ugh...please help us with this

  • That's sounds frustrating for you both!

    My only suggestion would be to put her on the big toilet and sit in front of her. Let her lean forward and give you a hug. She might be upset at first, but hopefully, w/ some calm words, songs, stories, etc., she'll relax a bit and let it go (cue celebration!). 

    When Jack first started sitting to poop (he was a stand up pee-er), he had anxiety about sitting on a toilet (or potty chair) and we found that the close contact and gentle words were quite helpful.

     

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  • Oh, I'm so sorry!

    I would guess that this is probably a stress reaction to you being gone and that she just needs time. I don't have any profound words of advice, just keep reassuring her and hopefully she'll come around. She doesn't have any way of really expressing that it was hard/stressful/scary for her for you to be gone so I bet this is just her outlet for those feelings. Big hugs to all of y'all!

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  • I don't have any good advice, but I will tell you that you are not alone in this. Gracie has showed all the signs of being ready to potty train and has even gone on the potty a few times. We praised her with treats and gifts when she went but somehow she still started hating it, asking for her baby diapers back and holding in her poop for days. When she does finally go now, the poop is so big and hard it hurts her coming out so it is creating even more of a problem. Ugh potty training sucks.
  • Have you tried a reward system? With some really good rewards? The thing that worked best with Daniel was a paper chart stuck to the fridge. We actually had two: one for pee and one for poop. We let him pick out some stickers for the charts, and each time he filled a chart he got a good prize. He also really loved putting on the stickers -- that was almost a little prize in itself. I think there were about 20 spaces on our chart, but you could start smaller so she'll undestand early on that good things come to little girls who use the potty.
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  • imagebatsteph:
    Have you tried a reward system? With some really good rewards? The thing that worked best with Daniel was a paper chart stuck to the fridge. We actually had two: one for pee and one for poop. We let him pick out some stickers for the charts, and each time he filled a chart he got a good prize. He also really loved putting on the stickers -- that was almost a little prize in itself. I think there were about 20 spaces on our chart, but you could start smaller so she'll undestand early on that good things come to little girls who use the potty.

    Unfortunately, YES!!  V loves stickers and a sticker can get her to do almost anything...except go to the bathroom.  The first few times we had her chart, she got her stickers and a couple M & M's -- she was so proud and wanted to tell everyone.  Then...the holding thing. I'm sure August is right...that me leaving and being in the hospital didn't help matters at all.  And honestly, it's still weird for her. She's accepting now and just hangs out with me in bed, but it has to be hard for her that I'm not up and about --having dance parties, taking her to music class, etc.  At this point, I could care less where she goes, I just want her to go!

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  • imagebatsteph:
    Have you tried a reward system? With some really good rewards? The thing that worked best with Daniel was a paper chart stuck to the fridge. We actually had two: one for pee and one for poop. We let him pick out some stickers for the charts, and each time he filled a chart he got a good prize. He also really loved putting on the stickers -- that was almost a little prize in itself. I think there were about 20 spaces on our chart, but you could start smaller so she'll undestand early on that good things come to little girls who use the potty.

    Ditto.  DS has done great with the reward system.  We let him pick out a toy he wants (he almost always picks a train) and I put it in the bathroom right above his sticker chart.  He gets a sticker every day he stays dry or if he goes poop in the potty and each time he fills up the chart we start over with a new one (and also I make it so he has to get more stickers in order to get his prize).

    When he was first PT, he got a sticker every time he went pee or poo in the potty and got a prize every 5-10-ish stickers. It was a lot more rewarding to him every time than M&Ms were because he could see his prize and know what he was working towards.  When that wasn't incentive enough, sometimes I would just bribe him to go potty for some fruit snacks or something. 

    Another thing that helped is that we let him pick out his potty seats.  We put one in each of our two bathrooms and gave him the choice of going on his "Elmo" potty or his "Diego" potty.  Choices are always good.

    IDK though, every kid is different and hopefully something will just click for your little girl. Hang in there!!

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  • Kate is doing the same thing, just not quite as bad.  We had to give her a suppository last weekend because it had gotten so bad.  :(  After a week, I threw in the towel on the potty training thing and we're back to diapers full time.  It makes me sad though because she *freaks* out when she pees now.  

    Rewards did nothing for us.  m&ms, stickers, cookies, decorating cookies, ice cream, hot chocolate, special trip to get a cupcake, nothing. 

    ETA: One thing that has helped us is a potty book.  We talk *a lot* about how the little girl in the book has accidents and that's ok. 

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  • Oh gosh, poor girl! That is really tough!

    I'm honestly not sure if this is the right thing to do or not, but I would be really tempted to start overloading her with fluids and a lot of high fiber foods. It sounds like she's maybe got a little fear going on, and I think maybe if she's forced to go (I mean you can only hold pee for so long, right?) and sees that everything is ok, it will help her overcome that. 

    Also, again maybe totally wrong...could she have a UTI or something? Maybe it's hurting her to pee and that's why she doesn't want to?

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