Online come-apart on Skype...
sami1784
member
Disclaimer: This may come off as rambling. I'm quite sleep deprived.
Today I had my first actual come-apart in front of DH on Skype. Mind you, I've had a couple come-aparts during this deployment, but none actually in front of DH. LO had been inconsoleable for over an hour before I got online with DH (LO is teething I believe) and he certainly wasn't any happier after I got on Skype - or during the two out of two and a half hours I was on Skype with DH. DH finally got to see how it is when we have a not-so-good day here at home. I got so frustrated that I had to put LO in his bouncy seat a couple times so I could collect myself... I ended up crying my eyes out because I was so frustrated. DH tries, but he doesn't understand how difficult it really can be raising a LO by oneself - I've been raising LO by myself since we came home from the hospital (we being LO and me, as DH was already back at the mob station). The only ones I have nearby who even have a clue what deployment is really like are DH's parents - FIL was in the National Guard for 26 years. Everyone else that I know comments on "how hard it must be" and everything, but they really don't have a clue. DH followed his father's footsteps and is in the National Guard, so aside from drills, AT, schools, and obviously deployment, we lead a largely civillan lifestyle. The closest military base is over 2 hours away and we live 3 hours from where his unit is based. We also live out in the middle of nowhere, so there really aren't any options for contacting "Mommy and me" groups for socializing and getting out of the house. I really don't know anyone around here who's my age - most people I know are older, so they don't have babies LO's age. Any advice on maintaining my sanity until DH comes home in a few months? I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and it's fraying faster than I can tie a knot.
Re: Online come-apart on Skype...
This is for all the caterpillars that never became butterflies. And for all the butterflies that never felt the wind in their wings. And for all the hearts that had hopes and dreams of a wondrous flight together.
You need to find some time for your self. When those people say they know it must be so hard for you to handle things, get them to step up and help you. Do you attend church? That hour durring a sermon is like a mini vacation for me. I know my 4 kids are being cared for. I can relax, focus on my relationship with God and just breathe for a bit. Also check and see if the church offers a mother's morning out or child care during other events. Our church has a ladies group that gets together to knit blankets for shut ins, sick members and wounded service members. Two girls from the HS youth group watch the kids during that time.
Also, see if your parents, a neighbor or a friend will watch your little one for a few hours once a week. Take that time to take a long shower and then get out of the house for a bit. Even if it's just a trip to the grocery store or Walmart, that bit of time alone will help you de-stress.
Get outside as much as you can. If it's nice out, take the baby outside and sit in the sun. If baby is napping, take your baby monitor outside, sit in the sun and read a book.
You can do this. You just have to give your self a break here and there.
This exactly. It is hard and it's Ok to have a mini break down every now and then. It happens to the best of us. It is especially hard when you don't have a community around you that really understands your experiences I would suggest you take advantage of those resources you do have. If its possible for you to find a sitter every now and then, do it. And, there may be other mommy groups around that aren't military centered. These women can become valuable friends and support to you as well. Don't cancel them out simply because they have different experiences. Do a little research and exhaust all of your options. I wish you the best.