XP: Multiple IVFers... how did you cope? (PAIF/SAIFW)

farmerlynda · January 2012

Hi ladies,

Yesterday after getting my beta results I went through the whole range of emotions... from disbelief to anger to feeling like a complete and total failure of a woman, like I failed to protect the embies, like my eggs failed to make them strong enough. And God, how I miss them! I miss talking and singing to them... I miss feeling hope. Even though, according to medical standards, they were technically never there in the first place, I know that they were. And I've lost them. And that makes me burst into tears at the most random things.

I also have no idea what to do next. Part of me would do back-to-back IVF cycles if I could. I just want to jump right back on the bandwagon and BEAT this damn infertility thing. The other part of me knows that's not a good idea... but waiting hurts so much. Especially when literally all of my friends are pregnant (except two, and one is trying and already got KU accidentally last year and miscarried, so $5 says she'll get KU this month).

Anyway, how did you cope? Did you jump right back on the treatment bandwagon? Did you take time to grieve?

Also, did you get a second opinion before moving on to IVF#2? I have my WTF Tuesday morning with my RE and I'm thinking about scheduling a consult with their main competitor, UCSF.

pinkmickey24 · January 2012

Farmerlynda, first let me say how truly sorry I am that you are going through this right now and that I am sorry for your loss. I will give you the same advice that the wonderful ladies on both this board and the infertility board gave me after my first cycle failed. Take it one day at a time and allow yourself the time to grieve the loss of your embies. Also, try writing down what you are feeling, the questions that are going through your head that you want answered, and any thoughts you might want to get out. I remember feeling the same way and wondering how I would move past the heartache, but over the course of time it has gotten easier and the WTF appointment definitely helped in restoring hope for future cycles.

I would have loved to do back-to-back cycles, but work and state testing coming up soon did not work with another cycle. So I figure that taking a few months off will allow my body to straighten back out after the first cycle and it would allow me to recoop emotionally.

Someone had also suggested doing research about what might of happened based on what I knew about what happened before the WTF appointment and that helped. I knew that what I found didn't neccessarily mean that is what happened, but it was reassuring to see that similar situations could be prevented/worked around. And it was more information that I could take with me to the WTF appointment.

crene84 · January 2012

Again, I am so sorry you're going through this. Your situation really weighs on my mind as I enter IVF. I still can't believe what happened to you. I have tried not to think too much about what we would do if IVF #1 is unsuccessful though I know it is a possibility. I feel like it's too hard to think about that right now and we'll have to make that decision if/when it comes up. If I were you, I'd probably just try to get as much information from the Dr as possible about what may have went wrong. I'd assume they'd have some opinions on what you should do next. Do you have any concerns that the RE messed up somehow? If not, is it a genetic issue with either DH's sperm or your eggs? I really hope they can give you some answers, but getting a second opinion can't hurt. You are constantly in my prayers and I really hope to hear some good news from you soon. Stay strong.

farmerlynda · January 2012

pinkmickey24:
Farmerlynda, first let me say how truly sorry I am that you are going through this right now and that I am sorry for your loss. I will give you the same advice that the wonderful ladies on both this board and the infertility board gave me after my first cycle failed. Take it one day at a time and allow yourself the time to grieve the loss of your embies. Also, try writing down what you are feeling, the questions that are going through your head that you want answered, and any thoughts you might want to get out. I remember feeling the same way and wondering how I would move past the heartache, but over the course of time it has gotten easier and the WTF appointment definitely helped in restoring hope for future cycles.

I would have loved to do back-to-back cycles, but work and state testing coming up soon did not work with another cycle. So I figure that taking a few months off will allow my body to straighten back out after the first cycle and it would allow me to recoop emotionally.

Someone had also suggested doing research about what might of happened based on what I knew about what happened before the WTF appointment and that helped. I knew that what I found didn't neccessarily mean that is what happened, but it was reassuring to see that similar situations could be prevented/worked around. And it was more information that I could take with me to the WTF appointment.

Thanks, pinkmickey. I remember your IVF story completely broke my heart... it's so weird when you hear it happen to other people, and you feel awful for them; you never think it will happen to you, but then it does. You never expect going into IVF that it's going to be a complete and total disaster... especially when both of our cycles seemed to be going well until ER.

Anyway, thanks for the heartfelt advice. I appreciate it. And I hope that your next cycle goes much better than the first!

farmerlynda · January 2012

crene84:
Again, I am so sorry you're going through this. Your situation really weighs on my mind as I enter IVF. I still can't believe what happened to you. I have tried not to think too much about what we would do if IVF #1 is unsuccessful though I know it is a possibility. I feel like it's too hard to think about that right now and we'll have to make that decision if/when it comes up. If I were you, I'd probably just try to get as much information from the Dr as possible about what may have went wrong. I'd assume they'd have some opinions on what you should do next. Do you have any concerns that the RE messed up somehow? If not, is it a genetic issue with either DH's sperm or your eggs? I really hope they can give you some answers, but getting a second opinion can't hurt. You are constantly in my prayers and I really hope to hear some good news from you soon. Stay strong.

I definitely do... although I don't think it was really their fault. Egg vacuoles (which my eggs had, and which is probably why they didn't make it from day 3 to day 5) can be caused by hypermaturity. And my follies didn't grow at all from day 10 to day 11 -- suggesting that they were already mature and just sitting there getting too old. They weren't at the generic "mature" size, but I also had 34 eggs packed into ovaries that were squeezed into a pretty narrow body. So the RE was going by what usually happens, and I didn't follow that pattern.

So, that's the leading cause in my mind. There is also still the possibility that my eggs are bad, even though I'm young and my hormone levels are normal. We won't know until we do IVF #2.

hootie123 · January 2012

I completely understand the feeling like you are a failure - it's so hard to understand why this happened to you (especially when it seems like the first IVF works so easily for other people).

I had the same feeling after my first IVF - I wanted to move on right away and not to waste any more time. We met with our RE the week after our failed cycle and he saw no reason at that point why our cycle didn't work (remember you only have a ~50% chance even when everything is 'perfect'). So we went right into another cycle (one month on bcps though). I can't say that I regret doing that - but I won't do that again. We ended up with a 'forced' break after the second one failed b/c we switched insurance. Honestly if this next one doesn't work (god forbid!) I will definitely need a few months to recover before I do this again.

There is no easy answer to getting through this - it really really sucks. I do go to a support group and the therapist there and the ladies there have really helped me though this (several of them are in very similar positions as I am). But I know that only thing that will make it 'better' for me is finally getting (and staying) pregnant.

farmerlynda · January 2012

hootie123:
I completely understand the feeling like you are a failure - it's so hard to understand why this happened to you (especially when it seems like the first IVF works so easily for other people).
I had the same feeling after my first IVF - I wanted to move on right away and not to waste any more time. We met with our RE the week after our failed cycle and he saw no reason at that point why our cycle didn't work (remember you only have a ~50% chance even when everything is 'perfect'). So we went right into another cycle (one month on bcps though). I can't say that I regret doing that - but I won't do that again. We ended up with a 'forced' break after the second one failed b/c we switched insurance. Honestly if this next one doesn't work (god forbid!) I will definitely need a few months to recover before I do this again.
There is no easy answer to getting through this - it really really sucks. I do go to a support group and the therapist there and the ladies there have really helped me though this (several of them are in very similar positions as I am). But I know that only thing that will make it 'better' for me is finally getting (and staying) pregnant.

I totally agree. The worst question is "why us?" It's like -- not only are we infertile, we're now on the short end of the infertile stick. The ones who don't even have an FET to fall back on. Why couldn't things have progressed the way they were supposed to? Obviously even the clinic thought it would work, or they wouldn't have let us qualify for an 80% refund plan. (Thank God we joined that plan, at least we have some money to start the next cycle.)

And of course when you think about all of the drug addicts and teen moms... ugh. We are going through such insane lengths to have a baby, and we would make such good parents. It makes me so angry at the world. "Unfair" doesn't even begin to cover it.

I'm thinking that we'll jump back into IVF as soon as the RE lets us. Our schedule just gets crazier and busier on the farm from here on out... Spring starts to get insane and summer is full-out insanity, so the sooner the better. I hope I can get on BCPs ASAP.

I confess that I took an extra prometrium to try and push my period back a little so that I'll be at the RE's office for my WTF by CD2...

limpetfan · January 2012

It comes with the territory as far as failed IVF and feeling like a failure, like somehow it's your "fault." I think I even told my RE after my first IVF failed that I felt like it was all my fault. I don't believe there's actually a way to get around feeling that way... I think you have to feel it and get through it and come out on the other side with a different perspective for IVF #2 (or 3, or whatever). After IVF #2 didn't work, I remember being incredibly angry - and to answer your question, it wasn't until #2 didn't work and I got truly angry that we went for a second opinion. One not working could have been a fluke, but 2 not working started to feel like someone was screwing up.

And, yes, one of the hardest things is to see so many people everywhere you look get pregnant so easily, or at least have their first IVF work. Even when I look at our list of IVF successes on our 3T IVF check-in, it makes me so depressed when I see how many people had it work the first time. It's hard NOT to wonder "why is it so much harder for us?"

I did jump right back on the IVF bandwagon after #1 failed, and I wish I hadn't. I know I needed more time to heal emotionally than I gave myself, and I'm glad that I took more time before starting #3. That said, I completely understand wanting to jump right back in and keep going, because it does feel like if you stop you might lose momentum somehow.

I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at all - keep talking to people who understand what you're dealing with - that's the only way I've been able to stay sane.

kelnyc · January 2012

*sig warning*

I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.

ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.

farmerlynda · January 2012

kelnyc:
*sig warning*
I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.
ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.

I know you had a great experience with them, but I honestly don't think that, had I gone with UCSF, this would have worked. It's not really that I think the doctor screwed up, either: my follies weren't at the "standard" size for maturity, so I doubt anyone else would have triggered me any earlier than they did. Apparently my body just responds differently than other people's do (or I have a separate, highly unusual egg quality issue.)

Also, I've already gotten two opinions... this would make #3.

farmerlynda · January 2012

limpetfan:
It comes with the territory as far as failed IVF and feeling like a failure, like somehow it's your "fault." I think I even told my RE after my first IVF failed that I felt like it was all my fault. I don't believe there's actually a way to get around feeling that way... I think you have to feel it and get through it and come out on the other side with a different perspective for IVF #2 (or 3, or whatever). After IVF #2 didn't work, I remember being incredibly angry - and to answer your question, it wasn't until #2 didn't work and I got truly angry that we went for a second opinion. One not working could have been a fluke, but 2 not working started to feel like someone was screwing up.
And, yes, one of the hardest things is to see so many people everywhere you look get pregnant so easily, or at least have their first IVF work. Even when I look at our list of IVF successes on our 3T IVF check-in, it makes me so depressed when I see how many people had it work the first time. It's hard NOT to wonder "why is it so much harder for us?"
I did jump right back on the IVF bandwagon after #1 failed, and I wish I hadn't. I know I needed more time to heal emotionally than I gave myself, and I'm glad that I took more time before starting #3. That said, I completely understand wanting to jump right back in and keep going, because it does feel like if you stop you might lose momentum somehow.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at all - keep talking to people who understand what you're dealing with - that's the only way I've been able to stay sane.

I completely agree, and I'm so grateful for your support (and the support of all the other multiple IVFers on this board). Btw, I've been meaning to PM you back for a while but obviously the last few days have been a little crazy! I'd love to talk to you about the WTF appointment. I already emailed the doctor a list of questions we have -- just to give her a chance to come up with some answers, but I might send her a second list later today or tomorrow.

And yeah, I was just looking for some polls on PAIF/SAIF about how many IVF cycles it took to work... it seems like so many people get KU on IVF #1, or at least a subsequent FET. It's hard to be an outlier. It makes me feel like a whiny teenager all over again... whhhyyyy me?

kelnyc · January 2012

farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
*sig warning*
I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.
ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.
I know you had a great experience with them, but I honestly don't think that, had I gone with UCSF, this would have worked. It's not really that I think the doctor screwed up, either: my follies weren't at the "standard" size for maturity, so I doubt anyone else would have triggered me any earlier than they did. Apparently my body just responds differently than other people's do (or I have a separate, highly unusual egg quality issue.)
Also, I've already gotten two opinions... this would make #3.

That's fair (though it did sound like you had doubts things went a s well as they could have, until this reply). I only chimed in because you asked about getting a second opinion before IVF#2 and mentioned UCSF. Whatever happens, I wish you the best!

farmerlynda · January 2012

kelnyc:
farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
*sig warning*
I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.
ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.
I know you had a great experience with them, but I honestly don't think that, had I gone with UCSF, this would have worked. It's not really that I think the doctor screwed up, either: my follies weren't at the "standard" size for maturity, so I doubt anyone else would have triggered me any earlier than they did. Apparently my body just responds differently than other people's do (or I have a separate, highly unusual egg quality issue.)
Also, I've already gotten two opinions... this would make #3.
That's fair (though it did sound like you had doubts things went a s well as they could have, until this reply). I only chimed in because you asked about getting a second opinion before IVF#2 and mentioned UCSF. Whatever happens, I wish you the best!

Of course I have doubts about things going as well as they could have. The cycle was a giant failure; I went from 34 eggs at retrieval to a BFN with no frosties for a back-up plan. I think that if I had been triggered earlier I might not have had egg quality issues -- but no one would have known to trigger me earlier based on the size of my follies. Would UCSF trigger someone with the majority of their follies in the 15mm range? It's not really standard protocol.

I also do wish the RE had told me about the vacuoles after ER, rather than at the 5-day transfer. But I'm not sure that would have been different at a different clinic, either.

Anyway, I have enough self-blame to deal with right now without hearing someone imply that their clinic was better than mine (which you've also said outright in previous posts on this board to other posters). You're entitled to your opinion, but saying that here actually really hurts me right now. I know that you're a UCSF fan from previous posts you've made, and I'm happy for your success -- but try to understand that saying your decision was the best one you've ever made, when your cycle worked and my cycle didn't, really makes me feel worse. It implies that I made the wrong choice.

I know that wasn't your intent but hopefully this will make you more aware of how it was received. This whole thing is also very raw right now, and I'm still reeling, which is why I addressed the post to people who have been through multiple IVFs.

limpetfan · January 2012

farmerlynda:
limpetfan:
It comes with the territory as far as failed IVF and feeling like a failure, like somehow it's your "fault." I think I even told my RE after my first IVF failed that I felt like it was all my fault. I don't believe there's actually a way to get around feeling that way... I think you have to feel it and get through it and come out on the other side with a different perspective for IVF #2 (or 3, or whatever). After IVF #2 didn't work, I remember being incredibly angry - and to answer your question, it wasn't until #2 didn't work and I got truly angry that we went for a second opinion. One not working could have been a fluke, but 2 not working started to feel like someone was screwing up.
And, yes, one of the hardest things is to see so many people everywhere you look get pregnant so easily, or at least have their first IVF work. Even when I look at our list of IVF successes on our 3T IVF check-in, it makes me so depressed when I see how many people had it work the first time. It's hard NOT to wonder "why is it so much harder for us?"
I did jump right back on the IVF bandwagon after #1 failed, and I wish I hadn't. I know I needed more time to heal emotionally than I gave myself, and I'm glad that I took more time before starting #3. That said, I completely understand wanting to jump right back in and keep going, because it does feel like if you stop you might lose momentum somehow.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this at all - keep talking to people who understand what you're dealing with - that's the only way I've been able to stay sane.
I completely agree, and I'm so grateful for your support (and the support of all the other multiple IVFers on this board). Btw, I've been meaning to PM you back for a while but obviously the last few days have been a little crazy! I'd love to talk to you about the WTF appointment. I already emailed the doctor a list of questions we have -- just to give her a chance to come up with some answers, but I might send her a second list later today or tomorrow.
And yeah, I was just looking for some polls on PAIF/SAIF about how many IVF cycles it took to work... it seems like so many people get KU on IVF #1, or at least a subsequent FET. It's hard to be an outlier. It makes me feel like a whiny teenager all over again... whhhyyyy me?

Get in touch with me whenever you're ready Smile

renee3n2008 · January 2012

My way of coping the first time was.... well not good. I cried for days hated the world. Once I had my WTF and got my mind set on my FET I did better. I guess the having a little hope was pushing me past the heartache and pain. After my failed FET and losing my job the very next day you would have thought I was having a nervis break down. At that point I thought we were done trying but after we had our WTF I again had hope when we were given our amazing gift of IVF #2. So pretty much I guess my only way of coping is to keep moving forward. Same with this failed IVF I just need to get past it and move forward. I'm not sure what I would do if I didn't have something to cling to. I know this is not going to help you much I guess if there is something you can look forward to, to keep your mind of the failed cycle it might help.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this. ((hugs))

kelnyc · January 2012

farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
*sig warning*
I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.
ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.
I know you had a great experience with them, but I honestly don't think that, had I gone with UCSF, this would have worked. It's not really that I think the doctor screwed up, either: my follies weren't at the "standard" size for maturity, so I doubt anyone else would have triggered me any earlier than they did. Apparently my body just responds differently than other people's do (or I have a separate, highly unusual egg quality issue.)
Also, I've already gotten two opinions... this would make #3.
That's fair (though it did sound like you had doubts things went a s well as they could have, until this reply). I only chimed in because you asked about getting a second opinion before IVF#2 and mentioned UCSF. Whatever happens, I wish you the best!
Of course I have doubts about things going as well as they could have. The cycle was a giant failure; I went from 34 eggs at retrieval to a BFN with no frosties for a back-up plan. I think that if I had been triggered earlier I might not have had egg quality issues -- but no one would have known to trigger me earlier based on the size of my follies. Would UCSF trigger someone with the majority of their follies in the 15mm range? It's not really standard protocol.
I also do wish the RE had told me about the vacuoles after ER, rather than at the 5-day transfer. But I'm not sure that would have been different at a different clinic, either.
Anyway, I have enough self-blame to deal with right now without hearing someone imply that their clinic was better than mine (which you've also said outright in previous posts on this board to other posters). You're entitled to your opinion, but saying that here actually really hurts me right now. I know that you're a UCSF fan from previous posts you've made, and I'm happy for your success -- but try to understand that saying your decision was the best one you've ever made, when your cycle worked and my cycle didn't, really makes me feel worse. It implies that I made the wrong choice.
I know that wasn't your intent but hopefully this will make you more aware of how it was received. This whole thing is also very raw right now, and I'm still reeling, which is why I addressed the post to people who have been through multiple IVFs.

Whoah. I am going to back out of this thread now, because clearly my input was not wanted. But let me just say that I NEVER said or implied that my clinic was better (yes I have mentioned that they do many more than any local competitor, but those are just facts. I have never been to your clinic, so how would I know which is better? Silly me, I thought I would just recommend my doctor since I really liked her. My bad that you've heard that from me before.), nor did I imply that you have done or are doing anything wrong. You can be hurt if you want, but you are taking my comments the absolute wrong way.

And to answer your question, yes, my follies were between 14 and 19 when I triggered because they didn't want to lose any. I don't know what the "standard protocol" is, but that's what happened in my case. I won't be coming here to give any more advice, so again, good luck with whatever happens.

STL34 · January 2012

***Ticker Warning***

I hope you don't mind me commenting. Getting a BFN after IVF #1 was heartbreaking. Most of my friends were PG, too. Some with #2. My SIL who got married almost two years after us announced she was PG the day before our BFN. I had to wait a little more than a month to cycle again (clinic requirement). But, then I cycled again. We had purchased a two cycle plan. So, it seemed the thing to do. However, we got another BFN.

After the second cycle failed, we decided we needed a second opinion. We got a second opinion from another RE. We were also worried about immune issues. So, I consulted with a reproductive immunologist. We ended up doing cycle number 3 with my original clinic (just with an additional immune protocol from the RI and some tweaks from the second opinion RE). IVF #3 worked for us.

In between cycles I grieved. MH grieved. It was a really difficult time. But, we had already decided we would try again. Doing the additional testing and looking forward to cycling again helped a lot. But, it wasn't easy. I considered seeing a therapist. But, I decided against it. I wasn't depressed or anything just said and grieving what I had always hoped were my take home babies.

((HUGE HUGS))

KateBee · January 2012

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I am still trying to find ways to cope. After my failed FET I waited a month and then tried again for a 2nd FET cycle. When my lining didn't work we canceled and tried a third time. And then had to cancel.

When that didn't work I had a breakdown. I remember leaving my RE's office and seeing a license plate holder that said "I Love Mom" and just crying in my car. There's been a lot of crying these past months. I haven't been ready to try again. Therapy has been really helpful, and also not focusing on fertility treatments and just going away for the weekend.

I've had over 10 pregnancy announcements in the past 3 weeks and I try to stay off of FB as much as possible. I wouldn't wish IF on anyone. I hope it gets easier for you!

Jezebell26 · January 2012

Oh sweetie I am so incredibly sorry. Everyone has given you wonderful advice and I will just add to it. I did almost back to back cycles. My RE wanted to make sure I grieved properly and was ok to move on. I took about 2 months to move forward and needed that much time to repeat hsg, repeat any bloodwork and start bcps for the next cycle. Knowing that I could try again was eating away at me and I had to move forward. Prepping for the next cycle gave me motivation I never knew I had. Just sitting here kills me. After going through it twice, I am happily on a break. My body had been through so much and so much anesthesia and procedures and I needed a mental break. Despite it being ridiculously emotionally hard, it was also physically hard as well. I dont cry as much, but I still do occasionally.

Let yourself go through the motions. Let yourself cry or scream or whatever. Blogging helps you get the thoughts out and emotions out. I know it feels like no one understands so please PM if you ever need to. I wish I could take that feeling away for you, that feeling of failure. It stings me right in the heart to know another woman has had to feel that, none the less from an IVF cycle. Its so hard not to get attached to the embies and talk to them. Brings tears to my eyes just thinking about it.

I wish you nothing but success with moving forward. I hope your dr has some insight at your WTF and you move forward with a plan you and DH are comfortable with. Best of luck moving forward. You can do this and you are stronger than you know.

Giant Hugs

farmerlynda · January 2012

kelnyc:
farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
farmerlynda:
kelnyc:
*sig warning*
I just wanted to butt in and say that I did my IVF through UCSF and had an incredible experience with them. They are all SO friendly and clearly passionate about the work they do, not to mention the top of the line embryology lab. Best decision I ever made.
ETA: I say this because I feel like it's usually a good idea to get a second opinion, especially considering the doubts you have. I went to Dr. Huddleston and she is awesome. I'm sorry you didn't have better luck the first time around.
I know you had a great experience with them, but I honestly don't think that, had I gone with UCSF, this would have worked. It's not really that I think the doctor screwed up, either: my follies weren't at the "standard" size for maturity, so I doubt anyone else would have triggered me any earlier than they did. Apparently my body just responds differently than other people's do (or I have a separate, highly unusual egg quality issue.)
Also, I've already gotten two opinions... this would make #3.
That's fair (though it did sound like you had doubts things went a s well as they could have, until this reply). I only chimed in because you asked about getting a second opinion before IVF#2 and mentioned UCSF. Whatever happens, I wish you the best!
Of course I have doubts about things going as well as they could have. The cycle was a giant failure; I went from 34 eggs at retrieval to a BFN with no frosties for a back-up plan. I think that if I had been triggered earlier I might not have had egg quality issues -- but no one would have known to trigger me earlier based on the size of my follies. Would UCSF trigger someone with the majority of their follies in the 15mm range? It's not really standard protocol.
I also do wish the RE had told me about the vacuoles after ER, rather than at the 5-day transfer. But I'm not sure that would have been different at a different clinic, either.
Anyway, I have enough self-blame to deal with right now without hearing someone imply that their clinic was better than mine (which you've also said outright in previous posts on this board to other posters). You're entitled to your opinion, but saying that here actually really hurts me right now. I know that you're a UCSF fan from previous posts you've made, and I'm happy for your success -- but try to understand that saying your decision was the best one you've ever made, when your cycle worked and my cycle didn't, really makes me feel worse. It implies that I made the wrong choice.
I know that wasn't your intent but hopefully this will make you more aware of how it was received. This whole thing is also very raw right now, and I'm still reeling, which is why I addressed the post to people who have been through multiple IVFs.
Whoah. I am going to back out of this thread now, because clearly my input was not wanted. But let me just say that I NEVER said or implied that my clinic was better (yes I have mentioned that they do many more than any local competitor, but those are just facts. I have never been to your clinic, so how would I know which is better? Silly me, I thought I would just recommend my doctor since I really liked her. My bad that you've heard that from me before.), nor did I imply that you have done or are doing anything wrong. You can be hurt if you want, but you are taking my comments the absolute wrong way.
And to answer your question, yes, my follies were between 14 and 19 when I triggered because they didn't want to lose any. I don't know what the "standard protocol" is, but that's what happened in my case. I won't be coming here to give any more advice, so again, good luck with whatever happens.

Not to beat a dead horse, but in this thread you said "I can honestly tell you that UCSF is the best anywhere in the area. Not a biased opinion, but fact." And yes, you and I have talked about this before, which is why I thought it was insensitive to post in a thread in which I'm devastated about a BFN, and you are promoting your clinic in which you got a BFP. I'm kind of surprised that you don't understand why this is insensitive. Try putting yourself in my shoes.

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XP: Multiple IVFers... how did you cope? (PAIF/SAIFW)

Re: XP: Multiple IVFers... how did you cope? (PAIF/SAIFW)

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