Twins + Singleton

ashes1010 · January 2012

In a perfect world, what would be the ideal age gap between twins and a singleton?

We talk about potentially having a third, although not in the near future. I fear that the twins will be so close and their sister/brother will be left out, if the age gap is too great. Anyways, I'm jumping the gun on this one, but I'm curious.

Lemondrop · January 2012

I don't know what the ideal would be, but our twins will be almost 18 months when the new baby is born. I think it all depends on what works for you though. I wanted my kids to be close in age(maybe not this close).

GeauxTigers82 · January 2012

I think you will get lots of different answers on this one! It totally depends on you and your patience level! LOL.

I prefer mine to be at least 3 years apart, but I like all the stages, and I'm in no hurry to rush through them. I want to draw them out as much as possible, which is why I was "upset" when I found out it was twins...of course, I got over those selfish feelings quickly, but I still say I would prefer to have the same two babies, just 3 years apart! I'm already considering another (in a few years, of course), just because I'm not ready to be done with the baby stage, preschool stage, etc..

My oldest is almost exactly 3 years older than her twin sisters (if I had known twins, I would've waited another year, but surprise...). The twins are 13 months, so they don't play that much yet, but big sister is very proud, and I think they will all play together in the future. I know you think the other child will feel left out, but I don't think kids really think that way. They're just happy being kids! What ever you choose, they won't know any difference! Just make sure it's what you think will work best for you, and I think you will know when the time is right.

kthappy76 · January 2012

Medically speaking, they say to ideally have at least 18 months between pregnancies (not births) due to the depletion of nutrients in the mother. Not sure if there is a different number when the first pg is twins, but intuitively two babies would take more out of you than one. Otherwise, it's just a matter of lifestyle, resources, etc... GL!

MagPie08 · January 2012

There are several MoMs with twins + singletons (and the reverse order too- singleton + twins). There's no ideal age; it's what works for your family. Mine will be 18.5 mos when #3 arrives. We wanted them close together.

UsedToBeGoldie · January 2012

do what works for you. your kids will be just fine.

i am 5yrs younger than my sister (and my brothers are 8 and 9 years older)... and i wasn't close with them when i was younger, but i'm very close with them now. I never felt left out - i just learned to play on my own a lot and I think it made me a good person

my boys are 2y2m apart and I love their age split.... it works for us.

klr210 · January 2012

I have single plus twins that are 3 years apart. I had wanted the kids closer together, but for my situation this is great. My DD1 is able to do so much on her own and really gets that I have to give the babies a lot of attention. She loves them and doesn't demonstrate jealousy.

I think my situation (SAHM without a ton of outside help) would be a lot more difficult with a closer age gap, but I really have no way of knowing.

There will be pros/cons to whatever age gap you decide on. And, truthfully, you'll never be able to predict how well the kids will get along and play together, or their relationships as they grow no matter what age difference you choose.

naflmj · January 2012

DH is a twin and his little brother is about 3 years younger....the 3 of them are best friends. They definitely beat up on him when they were younger but I think it was less of a twin thing and more normal big/little brother antics.

amanda31H · January 2012

My singleton will be 2y3m apart from my twins.

I wanted a closer age gap. I have 3 other siblings and we're all about 2 years apart. I loved that.

Also, I felt like it might be challenging bringing a singleton into the picture after twins and wanted a closer age gap so they don't feel more separated from them than necessary- if that makes sense.

hayleydeee · January 2012

klr210:
I have single plus twins that are 3 years apart. I had wanted the kids closer together, but for my situation this is great. My DD1 is able to do so much on her own and really gets that I have to give the babies a lot of attention. She loves them and doesn't demonstrate jealousy.
I think my situation (SAHM without a ton of outside help) would be a lot more difficult with a closer age gap, but I really have no way of knowing.
There will be pros/cons to whatever age gap you decide on. And, truthfully, you'll never be able to predict how well the kids will get along and play together, or their relationships as they grow no matter what age difference you choose.

This is my situation exactly, and I totally agree.

Originally we'd hoped to have kids closer in age than 3 years, but I think it would have been really hard.

OrangeSmoke · January 2012

My boys will be exactly 2 when this baby gets here.

I wanted a close age gap since we aren't having anymore....

sweetsugarmama · January 2012

UsedToBeGoldie:
do what works for you. your kids will be just fine.

i am 5yrs younger than my sister (and my brothers are 8 and 9 years older)... and i wasn't close with them when i was younger, but i'm very close with them now. I never felt left out - i just learned to play on my own a lot and I think it made me a good person

my boys are 2y2m apart and I love their age split.... it works for us.

I agree with the do what works for you thing. I don't think there is a real way to predict how close your kids will be. My sister and brother are 1.5 years apart, I'm 9 years after that. My sister and I (9 years apart) are super close, always have been! My brother and I (11 year apart) are not and he's not particularly close to my sister either. We all get along fine, but he's a quiet, private person.

It also bothered me when people would tell me not to wait to long to have another because they won't be close. We tried for years so it's not like we could have made them closer if we wanted to. Sometimes there is no predicting how things can work out!

GeauxTigers82 · January 2012

Yep. I definately think it's a personality thing, not an age gap thing, whether or not your kids will be close. My two brothers and I were all 4 years apart, and great friends...as children, and as adults. We were far enough apart that we had our own friends and activities, but close enough to play with each other when no other kids were around!

It seems like people tend to do the same as their families were growing up.

jbrennan312 · January 2012

I agree.. over 2years apart would work great for our family!

atc282 · January 2012

Mine are 23 months apart; I was afraid when we started TTC #3 that it would take a lot longer (like it did for TTC with our DDs) but I was grateful we got pg a lot quicker this time. We had hoped to have another LO about 2-3 yrs apart from the twins.

missfire · January 2012

Mine are 30 months apart. I don't think there's anyway to predict how personality plus ages will work out. I think if you feel ready for another baby, that's the important part. There were some difficult times this year trying to potty train DS1, but since I don't know any different, it seemed like a good age gap.

janjag · January 2012

Mine are 22 mos apart. DS was a surprise pg, so I can't say what would be ideal. DDs love their baby brother. There was an adjustment period for the first 6mos. Now they ask for him, and tell him he's a nice baby and a good boy. So sweet

Whatever works for your family is fine.

veronicacorningstone · January 2012

I think there's no way to tell how the children will react with another. That being said, we had talked about trying again when the boys turned two, but looks like fate had other plans. Our children will be 20 months apart.

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