Aspergers questions: special interest, sports, tantrums (novel- sorry!)
I have posted here a few times but will introduce myself again. I have 3 kids and my oldest DS has aspergers. I am trying to say this out loud and write it more often because it is time for me to come to terms with it. He has not had a formal dx but we know he has it. His pediatrician said he has a "touch of aspergers" and we went to a crazy psych. last summer who said he had it but did not give him a full eval. We were put on a waiting list at the autisim center in our city but haven't heard back. All these things have allowed me to float in and out of denial. He does academically great in kindergarten. He is far above reading grade level and was recently invited to a "gifted" club twice a week. He has anti social behaviors however, that interfere with school. I had a conference with his teacher yesterday and we are beginning some formal interventions. I could list all of aspergers characteristics but you ladies know them so I'll spare you. It's there, even if he seems so close to typical at times.
So here are some questions for some of you who have been at this a little longer and have older kids. How much do you cater to the special interest? My son's is garbage. Not actual garbage but playing garbage truck, picking up "garbage (he'll put a ton of little toys in a basket and then dump it. It drives me crazy) drawing garbage trucks and talking about garbage related things. It comes and goes but always come back to garbage. I know it sounds weird. We used to indulge him .We even had a garbage truck birthday party. Then as I learned more about AS I realized this was his special interest. How do I curb this? When he gets on a kick and won't play anything else what should I do? I know it's not healthy for him to be so obsessed. If I interrupt him while he is shifting toys around the house ( going to the dump) he freaks out. He moved away from it for a while but it came back this week. It's my fault. My younger ds and I were at the library and he saw a book about garbage trucks and naturally thought we should get it for his brother. I shouldn't have gotten it.
Next question is sports. We have tried soccer and t-ball and both were pretty much a bust. We have accepted that DS may not be able to do team sports like we had always dreamed. I am mourning the childhood I thought he would have but that's my issue. The thing is he wants to play football in the fall. He has been saying it for months. So we will give it a try. Any suggestions? Has anyone's child been successful in any team sports? I will definitly talk to the coaches ahead of time. I did this with his swim lessons last night and while it is hard for me to tell anyone(because I am admitting the truth and forcing myself to accept that this is him and it's not going to change) it was relieving to know she will know WHY he can't be still, follow directions, answer questions and is socially akward.
Finally, what do you do about tantrums. I have made social stories, behavior charts and worked on alternatives to freaking out. He can breathe, squeeze a ball, jump on the tramploine etc. Has anyone seen these get better or can I expect to be dealing with this when he is a teenager? He screams and loses his mind sometimes. Sometimes he is able to catch it. He does not do this at school.
Sorry this ended up being so long. You get a virtual high five for making it this far! Any advice is helpful and i will be hanging round this board a little more often!
Re: Aspergers questions: special interest, sports, tantrums (novel- sorry!)
If I'm reading this right on your lil marker things he's almost 6?? I have a son who is about to turn 12 and he is a high functioning autistic. We've not been able to find the right fit for sports have you thought about looking into special olympics and see if they can help you find the right fit of sports for your son?
Also my son still gets what we called "stuck" on interest. Some for his age very childish. But they wane and moon.
Tantrums. I wish I could say in our experience they've gone away but they haven't he has worse tantrums than my 5 year old. (I have 3 boys total the other two are 8 and 5 and we are expecting another baby) and what may work for one child with autism may not work for the next one.
I know its hard to come to terms that your child won't have the life you dreamed out for them. Letting go of that dream is very hard for people, but as your child grows and becomes their own person you realize what you have dreamt may not be what is right for your kid.
good luck
My son (5.5) took a tumbling class (which his 4yo sister also participated in) at a local dance studio, and though that's not a SPORT, he absolutely loved it. He is a rules guy, and following all the movements was pretty easy going for him. His love of yoga on wii fit clued us in that this might be a good bridge. While he had to follow the flow of the other kids (not breaking in line, not taking extra turns, staying in his own space, etc..) there was also a good amount of space for each child and it wasn't very collaborative. He does a lot of hand movements, inappropriate looking around kids his age, and he was so engaged I never saw him indulge once during his class.
I felt it was a great group activity for him, not to mention something he loved. I was really impressed at his entire demeanor before, during, after the class and how well he engaged.
He loves to play soccer with dad and is actually quite coordinated with the ball, but when the neighbor comes out (who is 1.5 years older), everything turns into a meltdown because there are so many rules associated with back and forth play and 7 year olds don't usually follow all the rules. I think there's a lot we can work on just between the neighbor and him.... but a LOT of prep work on our part with him.
I think eventually we'll allow something a little more formal in the area of sports if he seems interested, but he does follow that 1/3 social deficit and doesn't seem ready. When he has that much stimuli, he is so prone to be in full meltdown mode and it doesn't seem healthy for him.
Yep, this is it. DH was a collegiate athlete and I just did a lot of sports growing up. DH played baseball so when I was pregnant with my first son all the shower gifts were baseball pajamas, baseball outfits etc. He was born with an expectation. I thought his childhood would be spent slinging bat bags around the back of the mini van and going to DQ after the game with DS and 5 little friends from his team. That is not what will be. It makes me so freaking sad and I don't know if I will get over it! I'm sure I will and enjoy his successess in other areas.
Thank you everyone for your feedback. Auntie: I am going to check out the group you sent me. I have looked for one specific to aspergers to talk to other moms. I am trying to embrace what is happening at school as a way to get him more help. This is so hard.