IVF-oop..how did you decide

ForTheLoveOf Pink · January 2012

Well as I excepted our latest RE appt was less than stellar. Dec's lap revealled severe endo and and large cyst. The ovaries are slightly inflammed. Some of the endo and cyst were removed some remains. SO with that said and with my 42 b-day approaching the next course of action is IVF. The RE gave a 35% of success with OE.

I know there are so many of you that have been at this point in the IF journey......how did you come to your decision? What were some of the things on your pros and cons lists. For us $$$ is a serious consideration. But as MelleTx mentioned in Becky's post about DE.....should $ make the decision for you? The nugget has stuck in my head.

I would love to try what we need to do to get our take home baby, but that voice of financial responsibility is yelling at me. What if it doesn't work? What if it does? I know there are no black and white answers for this and what is right for one is not right for another. How did you deal with the decision to move forward or to end the treatments and put your ute in the hands of the universe?

amandanurse · January 2012

I am 42 yrs old and was given about a 20% chance of IVF with my own eggs. We are entirely OOP and I can not wrap my head around spending that amount of $$ with such poor odds. However, I am fortunate enough to be a Mom to an amazing 22 month old boy. Because I am lucky enough to have become a first time Mom at the ripe old age of forty I have to acknowledge that my decision not to do IVF is coming from a different place. I would do donor eggs in a heartbeat if it were a guarantee of a take home baby, but there is still the chance that A DE cycle could fail. Right now I am trying to be grateful and content with what I have. I wish you the best in whatever you decide on this difficult IF journey.

mtlaurel · January 2012

We knew we wanted to try DE IVF for a lot of reasons, but $$ was the final stumbling block for me. I'm very conservative financially, so risking $24k is unsettling.

I sat down with the calculator, and started crunching numbers on how much we could save by when, etc. and tried to make myself as comfortable as possible with our ability to recoup the money within a certain timeframe. If we are so lucky as to have it work, I know I'd never second-guess the expense. And, if it doesn't,well, I'll just be even more bitter than I already am.

No easy decisions with this stuff - good luck!

genmalone · January 2012

After my last failed IUI I thought we were done for a while. I was hoping to take a 6-12 month break but my RE freaked me out when discussing my age (just turned 35). I know there are plenty of ladies that are older than me here but I have other IF in addition to hitting that monumental age (in the eyes of REs). Anywho, I went into panic mode and we just decided we had to bite the bullet. Kind of now or never.

Anyway, I looked at the IVF succes rates at every clinic in Houston on https://sart.org/ and decided to change clinics. I picked the 2 with the best stats and scheduled consults at both. The one with the 2nd best stats in the city had a shared risk program that waived the physician fees for a 2nd or 3rd IVF if I don't get a take home baby on IVF #1. That sealed the deal for me.

My IVF is $11,850 including ICSI, AH, and cryo if we have any extra embies. My meds will be about $3K more (I should have my total today) and we'll spend extra for a ton of b/w and my hysteroscopy (probabky at least $1K). I think it will be $16-$18K total but I feel like I will be miserable if we don't give ourselves this chance.

My DH is not interested in adoption or DE so this is it for me right now. I'm hoping that he will change his mind if IVF doesn't work. I just can't imagine not being a Mother. It makes me tear up just thinking about it.

Good luck in what ever you decide. I would certainly inquire about shared risk. Some clinics have you pay for multiple cycles with a chance to get some $ refunded if you aren't successful while my clinic waves about half of the fees after my 1st IVF if I don't take home a baby. The shared risk program gives me a sense of trust and calm.

annalisel · January 2012

Oh where to start.

The key thing for us when deciding to pay for IVF#1 was would we regret not trying? The answer was undeniably yes.

Money is huge for us too. Neither of us work in the corporate world and we have the correspondingly low incomes. We looked at the sacrifices we'd have to make to try IVF and decided it was worth it. For us this has meant driving beater cars, cheap rent plus a roommate, no traveling vacations, etc. Realistically if you don't have the surplus to afford IVF#1, you can't afford a baby, at least at a middle class level. To some extent, what you are willing to sacrifice should give you an indication of how badly you want a baby. If you aren't willing to make sacrifices, perhaps it is time to let this dream go. There are other dreams in this world, other ways to be happy.

I feel for you. We are faced with the same decision as you now for IVF#2. Had we not had the miscarriage from IVF#1, we would have been able to pay off the loan by the time the baby was born. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Lately I've been thinking about it this way - even if we spent $50000 trying unsuccessfully for a baby, this would far less money than we would have spent raising a child. Can you tell we are leaning towards trying again?

Good luck with your decision.

Bubs711 · January 2012

My RE gave me pretty much zero chance of IVF working with my OE. If I had been given a 35% chance, I probably would have gone for it.

The reason money was a consideration for me was I didn't want to waste it and time by shopping around for a second opinion to potentially get the same answer and then waiting even longer to move on to DE. Even though it's not what I would have chosen at the start of this process, I am just tired of waiting. I just want us to have our shot at having a LO.

GL with your decision!

Reilly626 · January 2012

I think you have to follow your heart. How can you put a price on a child that will love you until you are old and gray? If you want one and money is the issue you will find a way. Best of luck to all and follow your heart.

MelleTX · January 2012

Despite my feelings about the money, I do still struggle with the expense of it all. More so in terms of what I have already spent with nothing to show for it as opposed to what IVF will cost.

I'm self-employed. I do make good money when I am working, but this is the slow season for me. And it's not guaranteed and I have no maternity coverage on my health insurance - forget IF coverage. So not only am I looking at IVF expense, but the OOP costs for delivering hypothetical baby.

However, the only alternative is not to try. And that's not an option for me. So, I just continue to live in my tiny shoebox condo. And after hypothetical baby gets here, I will have to stay in tiny shoebox condo to pay off IVF and birth expenses.

But for me, I have to do it. I have to try.

IVF-oop..how did you decide

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