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Talking to kids about death/dying

misjennmisjenn member
in Austin Babies
For the past month or so DD has made several different references to dying. The first was Christmas day as we were headed to dinner she said something like "Mommy I'm going to die and so are my friends" I immediately teared up and tried to ask her why she thought this..What she thought dying meant? etc. Then a week or so late she made another reference. This past Sunday an ambulance went by as we were painting at a Ceramics place and she said "Mommy someone is dying in there" I keep trying to ask her what she thinks it is and explaining to her what it really is (for 3 year old terms). I don't know what else to do about this fixation of dying.
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Re: Talking to kids about death/dying

  • ali-1411ali-1411 member
    I wouldn't read too much into it, she must have heard it somewhere and kids tend to get fixated on new concepts. I would explain it very simply, then our bodies get older and eventually we die. But it won't happen for a long, long time. And this is always a good lead-in for your religious beliefs.
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  • ali-1411ali-1411 member
    Oh and this would be a good time to get her a goldfish. Nothing teaches the concept of death better than flushing Goldie down the toilet :)
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  • TayteeTaytee

    I don't change the subject with Abby's random fixations but I also don't fixate on it myself. I just explain as best I can and move on.

    You can also ask what questions they have and sometimes what you thought they were talking about isn't what they were talking about at all.

    But good to point out that Ambulances are there to help people. That it doesn't always mean someone has died! 

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  • MrsAJLMrsAJL member

    I think it's probably normal to go through this phase. 

    We've experience a lot of death in our family in the last five years, the most recent being Andrew's grandfather. Ben asks about him a lot and will say things like, "Poppy died, but can I still talk about him?"  and "I'm going to die too some day. Everything and everyone dies." (!!!)

    We just go with it and are open to fielding questions that he has. We also get the where-do-people-go-when-they-die question. Our answer is almost always, "Where do you think [person's name] went?"  Ben has some very creative answers. Neither DH and I believe in heaven and don't want to necessarily put our particular spiritual understanding of what happens after death on to Ben, so we let him be creative. The person who died is always somewhere very cool or fun (his grandpa and great-grandpa are frequently on "another planet having blueberry pancakes." lol!)

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  • NoisemakerNoisemaker

    I think it's pretty normal, too.  We went through it.  My 4yo still brings it up occasionally.  My explanation of death is that it's what happens when our bodies stop working.  She seems to accept that pretty well, and when she goes further and asks what happens after someone dies, I take the same route as AJL and put the question back to her.  I always ask what she thinks and use that as a jumping off point for further discussion.  

    But she'll ask some pretty random questions sometimes.  Last night at dinner, she asked me (completely out of the blue) if the chicken we were eating was dead.  Indifferent  The kid's going to turn me into a vegetarian, I swear! 

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  • misjennmisjenn member
    imageTaytee:

    But good to point out that Ambulances are there to help people. That it doesn't always mean someone has died! 

    I definitely did this. She remembers going in the ambulance with me when I was pregnant with Lincoln, so I used that as a 'Mommy was only sick, and the paramedics helped us to make mommy get healthy again'."  Which stemmed to "Was Lincky dyinig?"

    Thanks ladies I am really trying to explain it to her without going into a ton of details, but it isn't easy when your sweet little baby tells you she is going to die. 

    Oh and she hasn't ever had to deal with a death in the family so I am not sure where or what gave her this notion. I know logically it's normal I just thought I had a little more time than 3 1/2. 

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