Am I overreacting? long, sorry...

chefnicole22 · January 2012

Ok, so my boyfriend and I were living together, but he ended up quitting his job and basically would just lay around in his own filth all day and expect me to pay the bills, work and clean when I got home. I ended up kicking him out, he moved in with his dad and about a week later I found out I was pregnant. I told him and he got really happy and wanted to get back together and everything. I did not take him back, but I did expect that he would make an attempt to grow up and get a job and start acting responsible. I don't think thats asking too much out of someone that's 25...

Its been 2 months and things are just getting worse. He still has no job, although he says he's doing all he can, and he has gotten extremely bipolar. He is seeing a retired psychiatrist, who is now a stay at home mom, who is helping him for free because she says he really needs it, and now he claims to be cured of all his emotional issues. This is what has happened since:

I live in Charlotte, in a not so great neighborhood, and I discussed with him about me moving to Winston, about an hour away, because I have a very supportive family and group of friends there, where in Charlotte I don't know anyone. He said he was fine with it, but then a day later came back saying that he knows a lawyer and that if I move he can have me thrown in jail and take full custody of my child once its born

Then a few days later, since the lease is in my name but the electric, water and gas are in his, he has threatened to cut them off, bc he thinks i will try to get revenge on him by not paying. I'm the one who paid all the deposits, and why would I not pay them? they would cut them off if I didn't...and I kind of enjoy having those amenities! Plus, why would you do that to the woman who's carrying your child?

He claims that both of these threats were "jokes", because he was upset, but I don't think they were just jokes. I regret even telling him that I am pregnant. He is more stress than anything.

Do you guys think I am just being hormonal or overreacting? what would you do?

sorry this is so long

expectingnothing · January 2012

Well since you are pregnant, you are hormonal, and probably scared and he's threatening you so it's normal that you'd be stressed. I have a great lawyer in Winston if you need a rec - lived there briefly in 2010 and it's a GREAT town and great place to raise a child. There is no way he can have you thrown in jail for moving with your child one hour away. There is no court order and no custody agreement in place so you and your child (your uterus now) can move anywhere you please - that is not considered kidnapping unless he had custody. He's blowing smoke. Consult an attorney and I really like the idea of you moving to Winston to be near friends and family. You will feel more isolated without a great group of people around when the baby comes and more vulnerable to him and his threats.

BeachBum1223 · January 2012

My advice is if you are going to move to do it now before the baby is born. The longer you have lived in 1 place the better. If the baby is born and you live in Charlotte for 6 months then move a judge may very well force you to move back. Since you aren't married he has no rights to that child until he files for custody/visitation. Don't put him on the bc when the baby is born either.

chefnicole22 · January 2012

Thank you for all the information! I have been trying to find a good job in Winston for a while now. I have a pretty good job here, where my boss knows I am pregnant and is excited about it. It seems like it is hard to find one while you are pregnant though, and I am certainly not going to move without first having a job.

As for the bc, I will probably put him on it, because he does want to be involved and I probably will file for child support, Is it better to file right when the baby is born, or wait a while? Because IF he helps like he says he will, I don't know if I should file. He already has another daughter that he pays child support to that is a few years old that lives in NY and he has only seen her once. But he claims to not know she existed until 2 years after she was born.

jandb2011 · January 2012

File for child support, as soon as your baby is born. Even if he helps and is involved, it's better to have everything legal and on paper.

chefnicole22 · January 2012

Ok, I will do that. Also what happens if he does not have a job and can't pay? I've been wondering about that with his other kid, because he hasn't been able to pay her in 3 months.

LuluP82 · February 2012

You should go talk to a lawyer. Each state has different laws, but you likely can move X amount of miles away within the state without it affecting anything, even if you've lived somewhere else for years and years. I don't think an hour and a half away changes things significantly enough where he'd have a case against you, honestly. You might have to drive the child back for visits yourself since you chose to move, but it's not like you're trying to take the kid to California.

If he doesn't have a job, you likely won't get child support. I mean, he'll be in arrears, but there's no guarantee you'll get it. You should definitely have it all worked out in court/legally though so you have some recourse. I woudn't hold up much hope that he's going to pay if he's not paying child support to his other child (and it likely won't be very much anyway since he has no job and already has another kid).

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Am I overreacting? long, sorry...

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