How much involvement is ok?
Krisx2
member
BM just asked DH to stay out her "Montana business" since she takes the non-involved approach when SD is with us.
This came up because SD has missed 3 days of school this week. DH found this out through the school's parent notification board. He asked BM what was the doctors diagnosis (SD told us that she's been to the doctor on Mon. and Wens. but didn't remember what he said or what medications were given) and prescriptions. I didn't think getting this info would be a big deal because DH is the one paying for SD's medical bills.
BM just wants him to forward a check but won't tell him what for and she called the school and had them cancel DH's access to the parent board. She figures that since she never asks about SD's health and well being while she is in Utah that we shouldn't while she is in Montana. But, SD has never been sick when with us nor is she in school with us. So BM has never needed to ask.
They have joint legal custody and she has primary physical custody. The CO states he has equal rights to all of SD's records and equal say in decision making. Is DH just being overly involved and overly emotional about this? I just can't figure where that line is between too much involvement and too little.
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
Re: How much involvement is ok?
With joint legal custody, I don't see that your DH is doing anything wrong. He needs to call the school and get back on the notification board and forward the CO to them.
Don't send a check until you get a bill and send it directly to the place it's due.
I've found going back and forth with BM explaining what she should already know (the fact he is entitled to info based on joint legal custody) does no good. We have our own relationships with doctors,teachers,coaches, etc and are long distance as well.
Good Luck!
I'm pretty sure he already called to the school about the site. The whole reason he signed up for it was because BM never provided him copies of reports or school picture forms or schedules and that is all info he was entitled to.
He never sends checks to her without a receipt/bill first because she has manipulated the financials before. I know BM is pissed because DH has gone around her to get school info and medical info and she likes the control and to have all the cards in her hand. I'm just not sure how DH is supposed to handle communications with this woman when she seems to think his only responsibility as a father is to pay child support, pay medical bills, talk to SD once a week, take her for 70 days of the year, and otherwise just do what she says but not ask questions?
Mio Marito per Sempre: Married 2009. SD is 12 yrs. DD is 4 yrs.
DS born 12/29/14
It definitely makes it difficult. We deal with this too, only not as long distance or on the same scale. I'm sorry.
Just keep reinforcing that he is going to be involved and do whatever he needs to on his part to be involved as much as possible. He's entitled to the information, she can't keep it from him. Document it all.
Any parent would want to know what the doctor said after two appointments and three day out of school. If she doesn't want to talk to your DH she can email or text the info.
1. It is winter and kids get sick. If she just has a virus or common cold why can't she just share that information. It makes it feel like something is wrong and when you are not close (in distance) to the child it seems so much worse.
2. She wants to operate on a "trust her to do the right thing" relationship and it is clear they don't have that.
3. School records can be used in court so I don't know why she would want to hide grades or days off from him.
He is doing the right thing. Keep all request on email and check up on things not answered so it you need to go to court you have the documentation needed.