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2nd Trimester
nerdbaby
member
Lost mind last night, house now in a state of paranoid lockdown
nerdbaby
member
I really don't know what brought it on, and blaming the 'mones seems too simple because this was so beyond anything of the natural world.
A little background.. DH is a special education teacher and he knows that at the end of this school year his position is going to be eliminated. We've known this since the beginning of the school year, before I was pregnant, so it's not a shock. His director has done what he could, doesn't want to lose him, but alas, tis what it tis. We've been kicking around possibilities for him and he's job hunting, blahdity blah, but now he's been offered a part-time opportunity that would be phenomenal for the direction he wants to go. Obvious problems are part-time and the pay that comes with part-time, but he could in theory supplement with tutoring or special needs assistant type stuff.. or be a SAHD for a little while, something he's totally open to should that be necessary, and the baby can go to the daycare at his school when he has to be there.
Financially we'd be ok if he worked part-time. I have always planned to go back to my work after maternity leave, I love my job, it provides a good, stable income. We have savings, we can afford life, we can afford this baby.
Well. Last night I was researching childcare options and DH comes in the office to see what I'm up to. He's looking over my shoulder at the laptop, I'm showing him this and that, all is well.. and then he says, "Babe, let's not even worry about this. I should just take the job, be home this summer with you and the baby, and then we won't have to worry about daycare until the baby's a year old."
I swear if you listened closely you could have heard the sound of flame traveling down the wick about to set off dynamite.
I felt myself turn bright red, spun around in my chair, tears already flowing every which way, and accused DH of being selfish and pig-headed and the worst of most untrue thing of all... lazy.
"So you think it's ok to just accept a part-time position so you can sit at home with the baby and NOT WORRY about daycare??? Is that all you think about what's most convenient for YOUOOUOU!!?!?!?"
It got ugly, so so ugly. And much to his credit, DH did not fire back. I'm sure he could sense the crazy, but omg omg omg, I was so horrible. Every last little thing came out... morning sickness, fatigue, challenges at work being tired all the time, money concerns, his job situation, his mother, my mother, moving to a new house, the dogs, the laundry, my boobs, his gym membership...
At one point I asked how am I supposed to trust him to raise this baby with me if I can't even trust him not to eat junk when I'm out of town. Something like, "You don't even take care of yourself and you will have a heart attack and leave me alone and you don't even care!!" came spewing out of my mouth.
I hysterically cried myself into exhaustion and passed out in our bed. I woke up this morning and heard DH telling the dogs to be quiet while he got their leashes on, saying "Let's not wake mommy." I felt him kiss my forehead, but I was mortified so I "stayed asleep". When I went downstairs this morning everything we had not done the night before thanks to my manic episode had been done - dishes done, kitchen cleaned, living room clutter put away. There was even a note on the coffee maker that said, "Coffee's set but didn't turn on - didn't want to wake you. Love you still."
I mean.. I just.. I can't even...
I feel like Mommy Dearest.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Lost mind last night, house now in a state of paranoid lockdown
You DH sounds like mine. I am not the easiest person to live with on a good day, but he takes my pregnancy craziness in stride. I tend to do a lot of apologizing when I'm pregnant. When I'm not hormonal, I mean every word I say, but when I burst into tears and scream so loud the neighbors hear about god-knows-what is bothering me at the moment, he understands. Like yours, I usually find the dishes done and the house cleaned when I've left the room to cry alone in the bathroom. I appreciate his understanding and he appreciates my apology the next day (mostly because he usually doesn't get one). I always find things are actually better after a hormone-induced freak out. It purges all the emotions.
Just tell him he is getting the full-on pregnancy experience, that you are sorry for the freak-out, and that you will return to your normal self again in a few months.
DD - Lucia Alessandra 6/18/12 ~~~ Welcoming Baby Boy!! - 3/26/14
Your DH sounds like an angel...
I've had a few psychotic episodes myself, and I wasn't ever lucky enough to find all the chores done-- Hell, I was lucky enough to find I still had a husband
All joking aside, apologize and move forward. That's all we can do in life...
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"Everything happens for a reason"
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Last night my DH and I got into a fight and I ended up sleeping in the other room. I've never felt so overcome by hormones in my life. The crazy tips off the scale at the slightest misunderstanding. My DH fired back and called me the B word which really hurt my feelings. Yeah I'm the B who's carrying your baby. I couldn't sleep I was so upset. I left for work this morning and we still haven't spoken. Instead of just being there for me and trying to understand what I'm going through I feel like he is extremely self centered.
This. I found a long time ago that things would be a lot better if I just checked my ego/pride at the door sometimes and admit when I'm wrong. What's funny is that sometimes I can hear the crazy coming out while it's spewing out of my mouth, but it just won't stop!!
If I were you, I would apologize, telling him how much you appreciate him being understanding and patient with you. Address some of the issues you talked about in a MUCH calmer manner if they are actually things you are concerned about. Then I would do something nice for him--maybe a date night or nice dinner or st. GL!
Then came a miscarriage March '11
Then came a baby in the baby carriage May 16, 12
Waiting on our second little peanut!
This, my SO is the same way. Makes my crazy moments even worse.
Your DH is sweet. Mine would have totally not understood & lashed right back at me & been mad at me for at least a day.
Pregnancy does a number on us, doesn't it? You may not want to blame hormones but that on top of worry just can make for an explosive episode.
Yikes!
DH works full-time, but odd shifts so he is home 2 days/week with DD and LOVES it. And I love that she is home more than at daycare, and she loves going to daycare. Going part-time to daycare is much cheaper, and she gets the best of both worlds - home time and daycare time for socializing. Honestly, it sounds like a great option for the two of you.
DH eats crap sometimes, but has always been very careful about what DD eats. And I can't say much - I am the one craving McDonald's crap all the time with this pregnancy!
I think you way over-reacted and owe your DH a huge apology. I don't even see what there was for you to be so upset about (but maybe I just didn't read your post well enough?).
Hormones, man. They'll get you. Sounds like you had some other stuff you needed to vent about, too. Good for your DH for taking it like a man. Apologize when you see him later and heap on the praise for what a good husband and good dad he is/will be
Thank goodness for the guys that understand hormones! I haven't been too bad, but DH has handled my few "episodes" well
Holy hormones, Batman.
I read and reread what your husband said and I can't find a thing wrong with what he said based on your assurance that you can afford for him to work part time.
What am I missing??
lol, I'm sorry to laugh but I love how aware you are that this was totally crazy. FWIW, I have been there and thankfully my DH is just as much of a saint as yours.
Definitely apologize. He obviously understands. You have a real catch there my friend, hold on tight
What a sweet hubs you have. Mine would have lashed back at me. He's probably just sick of my crazy moments such as this, pregnant or not.
All you can do is apologize for a case of the crazies. We do that a lot around here. It happens to the best of us. (((hugs)))
This. That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard. DH takes our arguments to heart and it just kills me, He doesn't get mad, he gets upset, and then I go from hating him to wanting to comfort him in a split second.
Men who understand our craziness are honestly one in a million. Apologize pronto!
OMG...this. I teared up too. I heart your DH. What a great guy you have, you and your LO are so lucky. Sucks about hormones getting the best of us, but it happens.
No you're right, there is absolutely nothing wrong with what he said. Maybe the only thing you're "missing" is that I know how crazy this whole incident was and how completely undeserving I know DH was to incur my wrath.
This post was more confession/wtf/does anyone understand me, than it was a plea for sympathy.
He's owed an apology for sure. Plans for an amazing dinner and basically whatever the heck he wants are in the works.
ETA: Just re-read my own post and wanted to fill in... I think what might have subconsciously set me off is that in the back of my mind I'm frustrated for DH, that he's so good at what he does and genuinely loves the kids and he's being cut because of this craptastic economy and budget shortfalls for special ed schools and programs in our state. I know he wants to work and finding another full-time job was our best-scenario that we were working towards/planning for and I just hadn't gotten there in my mind that this part-time job might be a godsend, and maybe losing his other job.. not such a bad thing.
I also hurt for him when I think that he might be giving up some of what he's worked so hard for since day one of college.. and yes, I know women do this every day without thanks or ceremony, but the reality in my household is that I didn't think either of us would have to give up career and it's taking a bit of adjustment to not see DH's situation as a setback, but a blessing.
So my anger at politicians and board of ed members and the world at large got taken out on him.
Lol I second pp and also got teary eyed reading this. Sounds like somethinwouldst would do.
Time to suck it up apologize and do something nice for him.
God I love hormones.
Ug auto correct. Sounds like something my DH would do.....
Honestly I think if you just print out what you said here and showed it to him that would be the best apology. Or, you know, tell him this.
A couple of years ago my husband and I made the decision for him to quit his high paying job and take another where he was basically making minimum wage. It was a huge cut to our budget, but he hated his job and he came home miserable every day. I swear I thought he was crying one morning when he was getting ready for work, although he denies it.
When he was offered this other job in a field he loved I felt like he had to take it, even though the pay was crap. I have a well-paying job that I love, so I knew we'd be tight but fine, budget wise. Convincing him he needed to go for it was hard, as he was used to a higher income, too. Anyway, two years later and he's almost making as much as he did at the last job. Because he's so happy at work he's doing a better job overall and was promoted twice. Having him leave and come home and be happy made a huge difference in our home life.
I guess my point is that, if this part-time job is going to point him in a new and better direction, have him jump on it. It's a big bonus that he'll be around more to care for and bond with your LO. He sounds like a great guy.
Your husband sounds like an absolute angel. It seems like he understands.
Just apologize and let him know you just had a bit of a meltdown and you love him more than anything. Sometimes we just lose control, and its good that he is so supportive and understanding.
Don't feel too bad, sometimes you can;t control the hormones. Just relax and explain to him and with an angel like that, he will totally understand.
Thank you so much.
Married DH 7/30/11
CSC arrived 5/7/12
CHC arrived 6/2/14