Breast feeding, the blues and the hubby

palmbreeze · January 2012

I feel like I'm just so emotional. I had a section last Monday. I miss the hospital, the nurses, the attention, being taken care of, and just spending time with my baby and nothing else. Plus I got to spend a whole week around the clock with the hubby. The first night at home work calls my husband with some dumb crisis and he had to work till 4am that night. Then he had to work some the next night. I feel so robbed! Our first two nights as a family and his stupid job stole that from me. They gave him 2 days of vacation back and he gets another day off this week. He is working half days this week, except for today he had to work a full day so he could take Friday off. I'll never get that special momennt back. Plus I just don't want him to go back to work. I just want us to be a family for awhile and be together.

Plus I'm having the hardest time w/ breast feeding. My milk hasn't come in, LO doesn't suck hard, he falls asleep at the breast and now I have to pump every 2 hours in addition to trying to feed him on the breast and I have to supplement with a bottle. I feel like he is going to prefer the bottle and I won't get to breast feed him at all. I want the very best for my little man.

Plus this night time thing feels like something I can't even explain. I feel like I'm not going to make it at night. He sleeps beside our bed in a play yard. Every whimper and I worry he is going to wake up screaming. Then when he gets up in the middle of the night ready to play its like I'll never get him asleep.

I just feel so overwhelmed, emotional and stressed but at the same time in awe and completely in love with this little person. I just want to sit down and cry.

megaloo27 · January 2012

Sorry things are rough

I have been warned that days 7-14 after baby is born can be the hardest emotionally. I hope things will perk up soon.

MrsKM82 · January 2012

I don't have any advice but I can totally relate to how you feel. My milk came in late and baby had a bad case of jaudice so I had to start him on formula. We have had a very difficult time breast feeding and I do the same as you...breast feed, then supplement with the bottle. Its exhausting and I have such anxiety about breastfeeding now its something I almost dread which makes me feel really guilty. I wish I could just switch to the bottle but I feel like a bad mom if I do. I also get what I call the "night time blues"...I'm fine during the day but become pretty depressed at night for some reason.

kmchavez82 · January 2012

I am right there with you. I was in and out of my labor I didnt bf at all at the hospital. We finally came home sunday and it was a very rough day/night alone with DH and LO. I thought I'd be ok but DH passed out on the sofa, LO was crying every diaper change, my boobs were normal still (started swelling yesterday and finally started leaking today). I was very exhausted yesterday and DH sat me down and all I could do is cry and go on and on about every single fear I have. I feel so guilty, this should be a time of happiness but I felt like a failure and alone even though DH is trying. I feel horrible for not bf at the hospital and barely trying here so I've been going at it alot of today and all she'd do is latch for a moment or so then start falling asleep or just not interested. I was about to give up but about an hour ago she finally latched well enough and now my right boob is smaller than the left. It hurt and was the oddest feeling but knowing shes getting something gives me a sense of relief. I've been terrified all day that I ruined my chances with the bottle the past few days (she was born friday 1/20) but it looks like there is hope! Next feeding maybe I can get the left boob going and I won't be lopsided or in pain on that side. Fingers xx I can get this to work on my own, the few places I've contacted are freaking out when I say that I'm planning on doing this for sure during ML but after that I dont know. Luckily I have a few friends that have gone through this and are keeping me sane through my tears! *hugs chica* you are not alone.

roses12985 · January 2012

I could have written this post about a week or so after my DD was born. I also had a C-section and had preeclampsia that put me in the hospital 4 days before the birth and kept me there for 5 days after. My DH was by my side 24/7 during that time and I loved the care and attention of the nurses too. Coming home was so hard for me, and I was so sad that things were different from how they were in the hospital. Then DH had to go back to work and I thought I might lose it.

Add in that BF was horrible at the start. DD was 3 1/2 weeks early and less than 5 pounds. After she lost 9% of her weight in 2 days, I was told I had to supplement which made me feel terrible. I started pumping at the same time to stimulate my milk and was lucky to get her on only breastmilk after a few days. But now at 3+ weeks we're still learning how to breastfeed and she still only latches with a nipple shield.

The point of my post though: I now feel a thousand times better emotionally despite all of that. DD and I are settling into a routine while DH is at work. The intense feelings of sadness, guilt, being overwhelmed, deserted, and alone have lifted. I still have tough moments, but nothing like before. And BF is coming along, even though DD took a bottle from day 2 and still bottle feeds at night. So hang in there, and know that 1. you're not alone and 2. what you feel is completely normal. I hope things look up for you soon!

Missus123 · January 2012

I also had a c-section and was very emotional when I came home. It was rough and I felt like I was going crazy. New life with baby felt claustrophobic. I had help from my SO and my family and feel better now though I still have times of stress and anxiety. A lot of that has to do with breastfeeding. My milk also hasn't come in and it's been almost 3 weeks. It's frustrating because I was so adamant on breastfeeding and knew all the health (and financial) benefits of doing it. But baby was losing weight and we started supplementing at the hospital. Then it was hurting so much because she was on the breast for about an hour every 2 hours and I was so tired and in pain. Eventually we ended up giving her a bottle and I'm pumping to supplement with some breastmilk. But I'm only getting 20 ml each feeding!

My point is that I also felt very overwhelmed and sometimes still do. It's only been barely 3 weeks and every time baby cries and i don't know why it's heartbreaking. I know it will get better...we just have to have faith!

Missus123 · January 2012

MrsKM82:
I wish I could just switch to the bottle but I feel like a bad mom if I do.

This. I felt so guilty for not being able to breast feed but what can I do? I tried feeding frequently, pumping, herbal supplements, tea and now am on a prescription to try to up my milk supply. It's hereditary and I have polycystic ovarian syndrome which can affect milk supply so a lot of it is out of my hands. My baby was jaundiced and losing weight so I had to supplement for her health. Going with bottle feedings was also for my health - physical and mental. I still feel pangs of guilt for not breastfeeding but we have to remember there's only so much one can do. As long as baby is healthy and happy - and you've tried (ie. not given up right away) then you're doing a good job. Not a bad mom!

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