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Special Needs
changingnames
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Wwyd? Bus driver giving ds candy.
changingnames
member
Ds(3.5 yrs, PDD-NOS) takes the school bus which is a van with a car seat. There is one other 4 yr old on his route though some days he stays late and isn't on the bus. I am admittedly ?creeped?out a little by the driver (M) but I'm not sure if it is warranted or if I would be creeped out by any man that is alone with my son.?
?I've seen him get frustrated with the other little boy for sreeching, M told him if he didn't stop he couldn't ride the bus anymore. Also he was strapping ds in way too loose, with the chest clip way too low, and the seat belt twisted a bunch. ?I know it is annoying to fix the twists but you can't just ignore them forever, it degrades the efficacy of the restraint system by creating pressure points. ?I have just climbed into the van and fixed the carseat under the guise of giving ds a hug. ?Once i said to ds help mommyraise the chest clip it needs to be this high and got ds to correct it. ?When it was crazy twisted and they were hurrying to school I just said hey after school I'd like to take a few minutes to fix the twists on the carseat because it won't work as well. ?He was a little annoyed I'm sure and feel annoying but I can't just watch him drive off everyday incorrectly fastened. Problem is that the other little boy isn't in there snug.
??Last week ds came home from school and said "M(the bus driver) gave me a candy cane, candy cane in my tummy!". He had something sticky on his face but I figured it was probably a story as he sometimes says that did the dishes or made dinner etc. ?
??
Two days later when I got him at the bus stop he had a candy cane in his hand and I asked him where he got it. He said "M!". M was standing right there and sort of looked embarrassed. I said "I would prefer that you not give him candy.".?
he said "oh I just give him a little when he needs some encouragement to get in s car seat". Then he pulled an open sticky half candy cane out of his pocket and demonstrated how he breaks a little piece off for ds.?
I said," please don't give him candy, we don't give him candy and it makes him really hyper. ?If you need a food reinforcer to help get him in his seat I'm happy to provide some cheddar bunnies or we can do a sticker chart for him. ?He has some food sensitivities so please dont feed him without talking to us first."?
M said "it was just a little"?and gestured to how small a piece he breaks off
I gave him a bag of cheddar bunnies (organic gold fish) and this week I asked him how it was going. ?Is ds getting in the carseat for you etc. I asked this before he opened the van door so ds did not hear. When M opened the door ds said "I have a candy cane in my tummy! ?A dirty candy cane in my tummy!". M looked sheepish and said "he is making that ?up!! (I realize he most likely was making it up)
my friends who have a different driver said that they got bus surveys (are you happy with the service, ontime, cortoues, etc) yesterday from their driver but M didn't give me one.
would you call the manager and say anything? ?I was thinking I would call and just say I want a note on ds's file specifying that no one give him anything to eat without our knowledge. ?If it is considered acceptable for them to hand out candy then any substitute or future drivers need to know.?
What do you think?
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Re: Wwyd? Bus driver giving ds candy.
I would call and I don't think DS was making it up. Considering the guy didn't just say, ok when you told him no candy I wouldn't trust him for one second to not continue. The carseats being buckled incorrectly are 100% unacceptable! If he's not trained in how to properly buckle a carseat he shouldn't be driving a van with children placed in carseats and getting annoyed with you for fixing it would put me on edge also, it just shows a basic lack of concern for their safety. Think about it this way, if this were your mother driving him to school and she did this sort of stuff how would you address it? I'm guessing you wouldn't just let it go.
Good luck, I hope that the transportation staff is receptive and gets things fixed quickly. I also think that as a mother your "mama instincts" are the best tool you've got so if this guys gives you the creeps I would listen to them and watch closely.
this is what I would tell someone too but I guess I was hoping that I was overreacting. Dh says he will call but oi I don't know how much he will say. He is pretty upset by it. I hate confrontation but can do it if I have to andarticularly when it has to do with ds. Would you say something about the improperly fastened carseats also? How would you broach it. I actually considered printing out a fact sheet on proper carseat use and just telling M i thought he might find it interesting. Really any way I say it he is going to think I am a pita. Guess I hate to complain on someone KWIM? It is going to be uncomfortable at pickup after we call
I had an issue with the car seats on the bus and I talked our service coordinator about it since ds is still in EI, she then relayed the message to the appropriate person in transportation. They took care of all the issues with the car seats not being installed properly immediately. But then every couple of weeks it seems I go to get ds off the bus and the straps would be too loose, or the straps would be twisted or the chest clip would be at his waist. It's incredibly frustrating. For my ds it's the preschool teachers and aides that buckle the kids in for the trip home not the bus driver.
Absolutely inappropriate! He is refusing your wishes about not feeding him certain things and he isn't using the restraints correctly. This is 100% no okay & needs to be addressed by supervisors.
My son is on the Ketogenic diet, so even a tiny bit of candy cane would be devastating to his health. The bus driver needs to ask permission before giving the kids anything.
Maybe you could ask for an email for the Director of Transportation? That way you could gather your thoughts more easily, make sure you addressed all the issues, didn't have the stress of calling and had it documented.
I would absolutely address the carseat, it's your biggest point from their point of view because that is a massive liability for them! If their driver is in an accident, even a minor one and your child is improperly buckled they are going to have their asses handed to them by the police, it would effect their licensing ect. Even if it was minor enough that your son wasn't hurt at all the officer investigating the accident will see that the seats are messed up.
Here is what I would say....
" Hi Mr. Transportation Director. I hate to have to be calling you today but I have a couple of concerns that I need to address about our bus driver Mr. M. We had an incident where he gave candy to my son and while I flatly told him that he was not to give him any candy again it did happen again and I have some indications that it's happened in addition to the 2 times he admitted. Unfortunately I didn't feel like he took me very seriously and I'm concerned he will continue to give him candy to bribe DS into his seat.
In addition to the problems with DS being given candy we have had multiple problems with his carseat. The straps are often twisted around, the chest clip is being placed far too low and ( now I can't remember if there was an additional issue here). Basically, it seems like Mr. M hasn't ever had any training in proper carseat wear and it's to the point that it's endangering DS should they be in an accident and putting your company at risk as well. I've taken the time to buckle DS myself at drop off but it clearly annoys Mr.M and I obviously can't be there to do it when they leave school. It's clear that it's not just DS's seat that has problems."
I know that confrontation is not easy but try to think of it this way, all you are doing is letting them know of a few problems that are easily fixed. What they should do with the info if talk to all of their drivers about not giving kids candy ect and then have someone come in and do a carseat safety class for all drivers that are responsible for kids in carseats. Your phone call or email is much easier for them than the lawsuit that could result from a child who has an allergic reaction to a treat or is injured because of improper carseat use.
I guess my first observation/question is regarding the lack of an escort. DS also has bus services but all the buses have an escort (matron) who assists in getting them into the seats and assuring their safety during the ride.
My mom actually does this for a living too and she made it quite known to his driver and escort that she knows how things are to be done. That being said she has had the question/issue of giving candy or treats to her kids if they're good or if they help keep the other kids in line (when she has older kids). She generally makes it a point to ask the parents if the kids have any problems with sugar and such so she knows if it's ok to give them candy or not. That being said, the driver should've respected your request to a) not give him candy and b) offered him the approved treats you gave him. I don't think you'd be out of line calling the manager. If I read your post correctly, you're not opposed to using reinforcers as long as they're not candy and he should've respected that.
That and the fact that he didn't give you the survey ... I don't think you'd be out of line at all.
Just to clarify, I know of two times that he got the candy cane once when he was sticky and told me gave him a candy cane but I thought he was fibbing, and the second when he had a candy cane in his mouth at drop off and I immediately brought it up with m. The third time ds said he had a "dirty candy cane in (his) tummy" but the driver insists he is making it up (which he very well might be. So I don't know for certain that he has continued to give him candy can e. But he did try to justify it repeatedly when I brought it up saying oh but it is just a little and questioning why I don't want him to have it, and that is annoying. He shouldn't have given it to him in the first place much less argued about it after the fact KWIM? AND I don't want ds being given pieces of an opened candy that he keeps in his pocket- that is unsanitary (though I know there is very little sanitary about a three year olds life).
. Can I request an ao or matron? On what grounds would I have to do that? I am under the impssiont hat they only provide them if no other option can be thought of to keep the kiddos safe. I know that the other little boy was having an issue with unbuckling himself and screeching but that seems to have stopped. M was telling the other little boy to "stop it or you cant ride the bus anymore" but i think he would have gotten sn aide. Back then m would show up pissed and not super nice to the kiddos. I was worried that he was turning the music way up while drivingbc once when he pulled up it was loud. I kow it is hard being in a car with screeching asd kiddos but it's ten minutes each way so deal with it, lol. I would feel so much better if there were another adult in there.
. The car seat concerns are obviously the most important and you are right that they will want to know for a liability standpoint. The chest belt seems to have gotten better but they are still too loose and always twisted. I actually treid to take a picture this am but I don't think it was close enough.
the more I think about the more I think I may just call. I'm not sure I can wait till they get thru the surveys. This needs to be dealt with ASAP. Dh said he can't go anothe day without one of saying something.
I don't know what the processes are like where you live but here the DOT provides 1 matron per bus and in some cases, if needed, a child can have an individual aid. The program here does allow for one companion - it can be a parent, an aid, or what not, provided the IFSP has them listed as an authorized companion. When we first started, DH, myself and my father were listed as authorized companions. DS took to the bus like a fish to water so there was never a need. Maybe you should check to see if your area's DOT has the same provisions.
I would have a HUGE problem with that. I don't want anyone putting their hands on anything that goes in my child's mouth. Because of his health problems, their germs can make him very sick.
Not to mention a choking hazard.