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Any words of wisdom for this mom at her wit's end??

smiling76smiling76 member
in Special Needs

I posted this on 24+ but thought maybe considering the issues--you ladies might have some wisdom for me....please?????  anything?????   

I'm seriously at my wit's end and not sure what to do.  I'll backtrack by saying that DS1 is severely speech delayed---so can't really tell me exactly what is going on in his little head.  On top of that he has quite the imagination so not sure if what he tells me is correct (again, can speak very very little).  THEN on top of that has some sensory input issues that he's in OT for as well.

He's in special classes 4 mornings a week and then goes to daycare after that while I work (gets speech, OT, etc).  I only work part-time so I do get a lot of time with the boys.  And I really try to spend the majority of my time with DS1 since really DS2 loves to see the interaction and learns more that way anyways--so it's a win win.....so I thought.

DS1 loves his brother---loves to feed him and hug him when he wakes up, etc--but then in the the middle of play will just push him right over or throw a hard toy right at his head!  I'm just floored.  I have NO idea where this is coming from except the fact that he's three and I'm sure a bit jealous. 

He's been getting in trouble at school lately for pushing and hitting as well.  In all places, it's treated the same--a time out with a calm talk as to why that's wrong and a hug.  But it continues time and time again. 

I'm about ready to consult withe school psychologist but then I'm scared that they'll make this a huge case since there's a child at home.  He can be so super sweet and then the next minute the devil. 

Then on top of it he's been waking up at night about 3-5x a night crying for us--assuming from bad dreams.  We've tried talking about it --tried stuffed animals-- leaving a small lamp on so no shadows--etc.  So needless to say we are all tired.

Please--I'll take any ideas or advice or words of wisdom. 

 


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Re: Any words of wisdom for this mom at her wit's end??

  • DonsJMUBrideDonsJMUBride
    I'm sorry I dont really have any advice but would love to hear the other ladies thoughts on sleeping.  So far my son has not shown aggressive behaviors but I"m fully aware it could happen.  Our biggest issue is sleep.  We've had sleeping issues most of his life and now my almost 2 year daughter is doing the same.  We are lucky if we get even a couple hours of sleep.  DD is neurotypical but at the age that she does whatever her brother does.  I'm just not sure what to do either.  When we have let them cry it out they just wake eachother up (sleeping in adjacent rooms) and feed off of one another.  I'm trying to not break but its so hard.  I'd love any ideas or advice as well.  We have not tried melatonin at this time but I'm open to the idea. 
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  • lindzedlindzed

    My son still has the sleeping issues and I think that's tougher with 2 kids.  I find they wake each other up or even if they don't I'm afraid they will so I probably go comfort both of them way too much.  Really the only thing that has helped us with sleeping issues is OT.  We have to make sure Adam gets in enough sensory stimulation through out the day, we have a bedtime routine that includes swinging/relaxing music/low light, and once he's asleep I cover him up with a blanket that is heavier.  I tried to go back and write down everything that happened on the days we don't sleep good and see if I can figure out what the triggers are so we can change them for the next day. Of coures, I do work in statistics for a living so this may just be me trying the only way I know to make sense out of the issue. 

    I will say the only time my son is ever aggressive is when he is very frustrated.  I've actually seen this get worse the older he gets.  My guess is that they really want to communciate and the words are so hard that they become very frustrated and act out.  Again, I am in no way an expert, but that does seem to happen with my son.  I recently read a book called Communicating Partners by James MacDonald and I thought he did a really good job of explaining ways to help make communication easier for those kids that are a little behind with speech.  My son has Autism, but I think the book would really be helpful for anyone that has a child with a speech delay.

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  • smiling76smiling76 member
    OMG ladies---I didn't really think much about it previously but yeah, why wouldn't all of his other issues push it's way in to sleeping???  AND he's had the sleeping issues literally his whole life--- never napping much at all as a baby.  What worries me now is his little brother is following that SAME pattern.  AND just like you guys--they wake each other up which sucks--so the crying it out game isn't really happening.  Ugh.  This sucks!

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  • suzymariesuzymarie

    1.  My kids are both horrible sleepers.  No idea there.

    2.  DS has a speech delay (moderate, not severe) and he has never been a particularly aggressive kid.  But then all the sudden he will go through a phase where he will start hitting (usually me bc he is mad that I cant understand him).

     3.  A friend of mine's son has a severe speech delay (now largely caught up) and she said her son became very aggressive around age 4 when he started getting really frustrated that he couldnt talk.  But shortly after he made huge speech leaps and the aggression stopped.

    4.  DS loves his sister but still spends a significant amount of time trying to kill her (I kid.... sort of....).  It got REALLY bad when DD started moving around and could get into DS's things.  Then he got used to it and got over it within a month or 2.  When he did it, I treated it 2 ways.  1.  he needs a mama cuddle and some attention, so I would take him into the bedroom hug him tight, tell him I love him, sing a song, then say "we are a kind family, we don't hurt each other, we love each other" or somesuch.   #2 was setting up the expectation for him, that he could walk away from DD and put his big boy toy up on the table so she couldn't reach it, or he could play up on the couch where she couldn't climb, etc.

     It took awhile but eventually sunk in.  In the mean time I just tried not to kill him- I would get so frustrated, but giving him a timeout or yelling just didnt help.  I tried to just redirect and that worked better.

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