questioning decision about TTC #3--wise women of the Bump weigh in!!

Kat28655 · January 2012

Yes, I know it's a personal decision, but I'm totally conflicted and need some prespective. DH and I had decided to TTC #3 in January. I was very excited. Now, not so sure. Worried about money (on paper it works, but in reality, I'm not so sure), worried about my body and ability to recover. (I just returned to my pre-DD weight, and finally feel healthy and strong and like "me" again). Worried about taking time and resources from DD and DS and yet on the flip-side would love for them to have a sibling. I know this is a huge decision, but am I totally over-thinking? Any words of wisdom are welcome and thanks for listening.

Pesky · January 2012

I think it is a gut decision and certainly an emotional one. A lot of it is whether you would regret -- REALLY regret, not wonder "if" -- not having a 3rd. I will say that our list of "cons" was much longer (mainly my health) than yours and has led to us probably staying our ground with 2 for now unless we choose to adopt later. Sounds like you really want a 3rd and are just having last minute jitters like you may have had prior to going for #2.

robynlesley · January 2012

I stopped at one, so my POV may be a bit different.

I think you have a 3rd (or 4th or 2nd or whatever number) because you want another child for YOU and your spouse and your family as a whole. I think giving your child(ren) another sibling is not the best reason to have another child. My only sibling is a hardship for me... you never know how siblings will get along in adulthood.

So add to your family if having another child is more important than anything else. And if the reasons not have another keep outweighing the desire, then stop.

BrideBuddies · January 2012

There will never be enough money. You will never be 100% physically. The list goes on. Those are just distractors to the real issue at hand.. do you want 3 kids? Will your family be complete with two? Only you can decide that.

NewMrs07 · January 2012

Personally I would be done with 2. We would like 1 more and that's it, and we're not even going to be too sad if we end up having just our one wonderful son.

One of my friends was done with 2 and recently got pg by accident with #3. She's not that happy about it and neither would I be. For us, three is too many kids. It's already rough financially and physically with just the one and three would just be crazy. But that's our opinion. Everyone has their own feelings about kids and it's a very personal decision. I think that you should weigh the pros and cons and see if there are more benefits than cons in having #3. Good luck!

stever · January 2012

I have no words of wisdom since we'll be stopping at 2, but I wanted to offer hugs and support.

gimmietimmies · January 2012

I can relate. It is a personal decision, and no matter what, if you want it, you'll make it work. I know families on both sides of the debate (onlies, and big families) who think there is never enough (time, money, etc). Take that out of the equation, because those are all things you have control over.

Now, if you see your family complete the way it is, you're done. If not, then there's your answer. #3 it is.

FWIW, we had only planned on 4, #5 was beyond being a surprise, and I was every shade of mad/angry/upset, etc. I couldn't figure out how the eff we'd manage financially. Funny, but DH told me to calm the hell down (yes, in those words) and we'd figure it out. And we did. I can say I will be happy to never have to pay for diapers or daycare again.

ETA: We do spend time with each of the kids on their own and from what I know of other families we know, they spend just as much time with us individually as their friends, and they also seem to have more extra curricular activities than their friends. I also try to schedule their activities so it is a coordinated drop off and pick up, no crazy mom taxi service here, and we car pool.

Kat28655 · January 2012

Thank you ALL for your support and feedback. I don't know why this is being such a challenge for me. I feel like I've decided, then I second guess myself. Then I decide something different and have doubts about that too. Thank you again!

bklynbridecesh · January 2012

I just didn't feel "done" after 2. DH and are were still on the fence about TTC #3 but we made separate pros and cons lists and the pros far outweighed the cons for both of us so we took the "if it happens" approach, no charting, no fertility doctors, and bam...preggo immediately. I think we will be done after this one though.

Watergirl21 · January 2012

I have one child right now- but if it was up to me I would have 4. I grew up in a large family and i just love that dynamic. I love being in a house full of people and activity. I was the last of 6 kids and I probably got more things than my older sibblings because I was the last and they had a little bit more money. But I know I would trade all those extra things for more time and memories of being with my sibblings. But every situation is different- do what you are comfortable with. Don't worry too much about your body or money.

Bride2b2004 · January 2012

BrideBuddies:
There will never be enough money. You will never be 100% physically. The list goes on. Those are just distractors to the real issue at hand.. do you want 3 kids? Will your family be complete with two? Only you can decide that.

This is what I was going to say.

Someone posted they would be done at 2 and I felt the same way... except when I had 2 our family didn't feel complete. So eventually we decided to TTC #3 and I will say I was anxious about it-- even during the pg... but then I found my journals with #1 and #2 and found that I had a lot of anxiety then too. Anyway, I wouldn't trade DS3 for anything and I am so glad that now our family feels complete.

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