If you are agnostic

futuremrshackney · January 2012

How are you going to handle LOs tough questions?

I think we are going the route of complete honesty, which means answering most questions with "I don't know" and perhaps "Some people believe...xyz".

I'm still dealing with residual "fire and brimstone" ideaology that I gained from church in my youth and I know that I absolutely don't want my daughter dealing with that. Its funny how a person can be totally rational, but be so ingrained with an idea that it still frightens them regardless of how little sense it makes.

iristony · January 2012

Not sure how we will handle everything. My family is Jewish, husbands mom is Catholic and FIL is atheist (after years of being a Catholic). We told our moms that they can teach our son about the holidays and traditions- but no religous preaching on our son. I guess we have a tough road ahead of us.

ashnoelle · January 2012

heckysue:
DH and I both had a Catholic upbringing and plan to play by ear how much we want to bring that in to it...he tends to want to have it in the house more whereas I'm happy with a totally agnostic upbringing for our kid at this point.

I plan a combination of "well, what do YOU think?" and honesty about some of my ideas. Like I don't believe in heaven or hell really, but I do think it's possible and even likely that your spirit can live on in some type of afterlife or other form of consciousness. So if someone close dies I might say, "I like to think that she's here with us still, watching us and know that we love and miss her." Not as if it's a sure thing, but as a comforting thought that is also true. I don't KNOW that I believe that, but I do think it's entirely possible.

We're atheist, not agnostic, so we're probably more of a mind on the issue of religion.

I also like the idea of asking them what they think and encouraging them to come to their own conclusions. We also will not hesitate to give our honest opinions about religion grounded with scientific facts and the social grace to not argue with all the kids at school that God is no more real than the Tooth Fairy.

aruiz1982 · January 2012

ashnoelle:
heckysue:

DH and I both had a Catholic upbringing and plan to play by ear how much we want to bring that in to it...he tends to want to have it in the house more whereas I'm happy with a totally agnostic upbringing for our kid at this point.

I plan a combination of "well, what do YOU think?" and honesty about some of my ideas. Like I don't believe in heaven or hell really, but I do think it's possible and even likely that your spirit can live on in some type of afterlife or other form of consciousness. So if someone close dies I might say, "I like to think that she's here with us still, watching us and know that we love and miss her." Not as if it's a sure thing, but as a comforting thought that is also true. I don't KNOW that I believe that, but I do think it's entirely possible.

We're atheist, not agnostic, so we're probably more of a mind on the issue of religion.

I also like the idea of asking them what they think and encouraging them to come to their own conclusions. We also will not hesitate to give our honest opinions about religion grounded with scientific facts and the social grace to not argue with all the kids at school that God is no more real than the Tooth Fairy.

Love this. We will teach our lo's that if they need to argue something out, the internet is the place to go. lol.

gnomely · January 2012

We'll answer them as truthfully as we can. Both of our families are very conservative Christians, and I'm sure that there will be lots and lots of questions as C grows up. Right now we attend a Unitarian Universalist church and their religious education program is pretty thorough. Hopefully that, coupled with her own investigations, can lead her to conclusions that are authentic to her. It will be hard on the grandparents that she's not growing up in a traditional church, though.

futuremrshackney · January 2012

heckysue:

DH and I both had a Catholic upbringing and plan to play by ear how much we want to bring that in to it...he tends to want to have it in the house more whereas I'm happy with a totally agnostic upbringing for our kid at this point.

I plan a combination of "well, what do YOU think?" and honesty about some of my ideas. Like I don't believe in heaven or hell really, but I do think it's possible and even likely that your spirit can live on in some type of afterlife or other form of consciousness. So if someone close dies I might say, "I like to think that she's here with us still, watching us and know that we love and miss her." Not as if it's a sure thing, but as a comforting thought that is also true. I don't KNOW that I believe that, but I do think it's entirely possible.

Yes

8yearslater · January 2012

I'm an athiest, former Presbyterian with Jewish ancestry. DH is agnostic, former Catholic. In-laws are super-Catholic. My father is an agnostic. Mom is Presbyterian, but her side includes the Jewish heritage, too. Athiesm came easily for me because I can't see how if everyone says every other faith is wrong, anyone can be right.

The hard part for us will be raising DD to respect other people without conveying to her that our position is that religious doctrine is silly. She can think that later, once she learns to respect the place of religion in other people's lives, but we have to instill the respect first.

My approach is going to be something like, "Some people believe this or that. As long as their beliefs help them to be nice to people, that's good. You don't have to believe this or that to be a good person, though. Just be nice and treat people like you would like to be treated." Or something like that.

If she asks who god is, I plan to say, "That's the name people give for the idea of something that helps them make good decisions." and we'll go from there.

I really need her not to be a little jerk to people of faith, but I also don't want her growing up feeling like she's a piece of dirt who can never do right, as I was raised to believe ("yet all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God." WTF did I do?????? ).

CinemaGoddess · January 2012

We're going the "Some people believe..." route.

futuremrshackney · January 2012

8yearslater:

I'm an athiest, former Presbyterian with Jewish ancestry. DH is agnostic, former Catholic. In-laws are super-Catholic. My father is an agnostic. Mom is Presbyterian, but her side includes the Jewish heritage, too. Athiesm came easily for me because I can't see how if everyone says every other faith is wrong, anyone can be right.

The hard part for us will be raising DD to respect other people without conveying to her that our position is that religious doctrine is silly. She can think that later, once she learns to respect the place of religion in other people's lives, but we have to instill the respect first.

My approach is going to be something like, "Some people believe this or that. As long as their beliefs help them to be nice to people, that's good. You don't have to believe this or that to be a good person, though. Just be nice and treat people like you would like to be treated." Or something like that.

If she asks who god is, I plan to say, "That's the name people give for the idea of something that helps them make good decisions." and we'll go from there.

I really need her not to be a little jerk to people of faith, but I also don't want her growing up feeling like she's a piece of dirt who can never do right, as I was raised to believe ("yet all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God." WTF did I do?????? ).

This just made me LOL. WTF did I do?!

WiscoMom67 · January 2012

8yearslater:

I'm an athiest, former Presbyterian with Jewish ancestry. DH is agnostic, former Catholic. In-laws are super-Catholic. My father is an agnostic. Mom is Presbyterian, but her side includes the Jewish heritage, too. Athiesm came easily for me because I can't see how if everyone says every other faith is wrong, anyone can be right.

The hard part for us will be raising DD to respect other people without conveying to her that our position is that religious doctrine is silly. She can think that later, once she learns to respect the place of religion in other people's lives, but we have to instill the respect first.

My approach is going to be something like, "Some people believe this or that. As long as their beliefs help them to be nice to people, that's good. You don't have to believe this or that to be a good person, though. Just be nice and treat people like you would like to be treated." Or something like that.

If she asks who god is, I plan to say, "That's the name people give for the idea of something that helps them make good decisions." and we'll go from there.

I really need her not to be a little jerk to people of faith, but I also don't want her growing up feeling like she's a piece of dirt who can never do right, as I was raised to believe ("yet all have sinned and have fallen short of the glory of God." WTF did I do?????? ).

This. And I am very pleasantly pleased by this conversation. I am agnostic and DH is proabably more atheist... We are very much a minority in our small town. I, too, want to teach my son to respect others beliefs but also give him the strength to know that it's okay to be "different." (I would say Lutheran and Catholic Christians make up at least 90% of the local population.)

juliedooley · January 2012

I like these answers. We're still trying to figure out whether we're even going to get DS baptized, as we're both agnostic but I was brought up Catholic and have some weird hangup about baptism.

I think it's important to explain that you should respect that others may have different ideas of what religion is, where things came from, or where we go when we die; and it's not for you to dictate if their beliefs are right or wrong because as humans no one knows the answer. I also believe it's important for him to understand the origin of so many of our holidays--ie, Christmas isn't about presents and Easter isn't about candy.

In my belief, 'god' is whatever inspires others to come together and do good things or gain strength in tough times (eg, faith through prayer), so I hope regardless of whether we ever actually join a church, DS will understand that whatever people call it, goodness is something to admire.

blissfullyignorant · January 2012

Check out Parenting Beyond Belief. That was really helpful for me. I plan on telling him the truth, asking what he thinks, and pointing out what other people we know believe. Like, well, Grandma believes X. I believe Y. Your daddy believes Z. I'll encourage him to think about things and make his own decisions.

BlindysWife · January 2012

futuremrshackney:
How are you going to handle LOs tough questions?

I think we are going the route of complete honesty, which means answering most questions with "I don't know" and perhaps "Some people believe...xyz".

I'm still dealing with residual "fire and brimstone" ideaology that I gained from church in my youth and I know that I absolutely don't want my daughter dealing with that. Its funny how a person can be totally rational, but be so ingrained with an idea that it still frightens them regardless of how little sense it makes.

I could have written this word for word. Especially the last paragraph.

I don't know yet what we'll do. We're still struggling with my IL's wanting DS baptized. On one hand I don't think it would hurt anything, plus make IL's feel better. But on the other hand I feel like, why should I do some weird ceremony that I'm not even sure I believe in? I'm pretty sure that my dripping some water on my kid isn't the ticket that will determine his afterlife, and at the same time I'm terrified that I'm wrong and dooming my child to hell.

Clearly I'm conflicted.

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