Confused about everything FTM (vent?)
so i got pregnant last june with a guy i really only knew for a few weeks.. we had met at work and hit it off really well.. the only thing that made me hesitant at first was his ex girlfriend at the time was pregnant (she was due in Oct 2011) but we started hanging out and ended up fooling around. then i got pregnant and it was a huge shock because he had a baby on the way and i'm not the kind of female that just gets knocked up (i live in an urban area and it's very common and i didn't want to be a statistic) but after talking things through i decided to keep the baby, even though he asked me twice to terminate i couldn't go through that (a year before i had terminated a pregnancy and fell into a depression) we came to an agreement on keeping the baby and he said he'd be there for me and the baby.. we started semi dating at this point. not official just spent alot of time together. he didn't tell his parents or his ex girlfriend about me and that was the main reason for any fights we had.
when his ex girlfriend had her daughter he was there about a month and a half before and getting the nursery ready and it seemed like he was supporting her (though they don't have a good relationship it's like cats and dogs with them two) they had thier daughter and i was happy for him he was excited and was there almost every night for his baby..and though i felt alone a lot at that point i understood and didn't try to keep him from his daughter..
his ex girlfriend found out one night (by blocked phone call) that he had someone pregnant and was told that he didn't care about his daughter..he and i were in bed together when he was told she had just gotten a call. so she's flipped out on him and at first hated me, she told him i was a sl*t and asked me if i was ony keeping the baby to make him love me and told him it was her and her daughter or me and my baby (at this time she didn't know he and i were having a girl) and she threatened to take him to court.. he wants to be there for both kids it's plain to see that he does.. but she constantly threatens him and now they hate each other even more after she and i found out he was sleeping with us both the last month of her pregnancy and a few weeks after which she ended up pregnant again by him (she terminated that on the last week of december) he and i talked alot of things out and worked alot of things out and he and i are together officially as of the end of November
things were okay-ish until he went to Boston (where he's from, I'm from North Jersey) for the christmas holidays... he finally told his parents about me and they flipped out.. they don't know me, never met me.. they decided he needed to go to rehab for drinking and depression because apparently that was a problem (i admit he drank alot but i never saw it as a problem) so he went to rehab, he's been gone over a month, he's out now but they won't let him come back to NJ (he's kinda financially dependent upon them) he comes for weekends but it's hard to be able to spend time with him because he goes and spends time with his other daughter because his ex girlfriend is the kind of female that threatens and bit*hes and is very much a child and petty.. but i try not to complain since that's his daughter and i know he wants to be there for her.
he really cares about me and tells me all the time and tells me he wants to be here for me and our daughter and will be here to help me get everything ready for her and he always tries to calm me down when i'm feeling emotional and we have a good relationship for the most part.. though we still fight because his parents don't want anything to do with my daughter and want a paternity test (which he and i both know it's his and think it's stupid to get) and even asked him to try and talk me in adoption (some he and i both don't agree with) they don't want to meet me and think i'll be a result of him drinking again (though it's more likely his ex will be the cause of that) it's very frustrating and very hurtful, to deal with. I'm due March 1st and there's no sure time when he'll be moving back to NJ and that's scary for me.. he and i want him here for everything because he and i know my daughter deserves the same that his other one got. and when he does come his ex alway lies and says the baby is sick only after she finds out he's with me.. she hates me and does aything to hurt me even stooping so low as to making up lies about me to his parents and i can't even defend myself. he tells me just to give them time and they hate his ex too but it just sucks. she also sends me texts and tells me he and i have a joke of a relationship and that his family hates me cause i'm a sl*t and that my baby was a mistake and should have been terminated because he doesn't want it... it hurts..
i'm sorry this is soooo long i just needed to get this off of my chest and if anyone can tell me how to deal with the crazy emotions and the insane ex please please help.. i'm 22 and he's 27 and his ex is like 24 but it just seems like i'm much more mature than she is and sometimes don't know how to handle her...
Re: Confused about everything FTM (vent?)
Sorry to hear you're being involved in so much drama while you're pregnant. I see it as your choice though, you CAN ignore it all if you want to. You can't force his family to accept you or your baby so don't dwell on it, move on and maybe someday it will change.
Block his ex's number and stop letting her hurt you. She has nothing to do with you or your baby. Let your boyfriend be as involved as you want him to be, and when you have your baby, file for child support. He can pay for a paternity test then and file for visitation if you two aren't living together.
I know it sounds simple when put that way, but really, take care of yourself and your baby and leave all the drama behind. GL
I don't understand.
So you are dating a super-fertile and incredibly stupid (3 unintended pregnancies, really, has this man heard of bc?) 27 year old man-child who is financially dependent on his parents, likely has a drinking problem, and who can't even visit on his own terms because he is manipulated both by them and an ex girlfriend who he slept around with before and after knocking you up.
Please explain why you would want a life with this... gentleman?
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i'm not going to say you are wrong because these are all thoughts i have had.. he is really fertile and it's a running joke between he and i because he's Irish catholic and i'm Albanian catholic so for religion and cultural aspects it's perfect though it's not when it's multiple women, it's something i've learned to laguh about because with only 5 weeks left i can't undo this pregnancy and he didn't have a choice with his ex she didn't tell him until her almost second trimester that she was pregnant.. and he's not stupid, he does stupid things and makes some stupid decisions but he he's not actually stupid and i was on the pill but it apparently wasn't in my system enough to prevent anything.. and i agree he depends on his parents too much and he's trying to not be so dependent on them which i still don't understand why he is in the first place at 22 i'm only 25% dependent on my mother, beings that i live in the apartment on the second floor in her two family house i pay rent but i do use her car.. i guess the drinking doesn't effect me so much because my father is an alcoholic and i've learned to just not talk to him or be around him when he's drunk so i do that with my boyfriend. i do agree completely that he lets his ex and his parents manipulate him and he doesn't stand up to them. he says he will especially with his ex but it seems like he doesn't and his parents i don't know how the relationship is with them other than what he tells me, again i've never met them. i can't really give a 100% awesome reason why i want him in my life, maybe because when it's just he and i things are amazing and everything seems like it will be okay. or the fact that i've never had someone who would just let me talk and cry and vent for hours about nothing.. we can just lay and watch tv and not talk and be perfectly okay, we talk about alot and he tells me everyday he cares and he makes me feel special.. now maybe it's just me being young and stupid but he and i see a future with each other.. it's just confusing alot because when his parents or his ex involve themselves the things get hectic..
i also have blocked his ex. it just doesn't help when she uses another number or a blocked number so she creates drama and he and i hate it..
Honestly, if it were me, I would run like hell from this situation. The drinking might not bother you now, but it will. ANd him not standing up to his parents and ex against you will grate at you. But I get that you are going to have your baby soon and you don't sound ready to run yet. So my best advice would be to at least prepare to be a single mom, don't count on this dude for anything, and then be pleasantly surprised if he does come through on anything.
I had a boyfriend once whom I just loved to no end and believed in against all odds and who I could cry my heart out to and watch tv in silence with and who I thought was the most special and beautiful person in the world. And he just broke my heart too many times to put together anymore. So I finally let him go for the final time, and, I swear, only then did my life started to come together. My heart still aches when I hear his name. I still remember exactly how special and beautiful he is. I understand that love!! Just don't let it ruin your future child's life
Better to have one functioning healthy parent than a second parent whose addiction comes first. Your baby doesn't know the hell of being raised with an alcoholic parent. You have the chance to keep it that way.
I know I sound harsh, but this isn't just your life anymore. You want better for her; you know you do.
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