- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
November 2011 Moms
JnJ_9.22.07
member
Random thought: child support
JnJ_9.22.07
member
I'm going to post-and-run, because it's bed time, but here's my random thought for the evening, courtesy of tonight's Teen Mom 2:
It seems to me that child support is determined by a complicated equation that factors in both parent's income and life situation and determines a number. Practically every man I've known in my adult life who has to pay child support seems to have a problem with that. For some reason they all thing the "ex-wife is screwing them", or that they shouldn't "have to support their ex" - by it's very definition, it's CHILD support, right? Money for the needs of the child?
Ugh. I very well may be ignorant to the nuances of child support, but from the outside, it seems pretty clear cut. Why do so many men appeal and fight the cost and/or the very fact they they have to pay at all?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Random thought: child support
My SIL is going through a divorce right now. Her ex has never been a huge part of the kids' lives, but now it seems like he's trying to win the kids' approval by being the better provider.
SIL is a SAHM, so the only money she gets for herself and the kids comes from the child support and alimony he's been ordered to pay. He's gotten himself fired from 2 jobs in order to get the amount of child support lowered! He's just living off of investments until the judge makes her final ruling.
He thinks that if their mom has no money to buy them good food or nice things they won't be as happy with her as they once were. I think he thinks keeping their mother broke will make them love him more (if that makes sense). It makes me sick!
My parents divorced when I was 12 and my dad had a serious issue with child support. It's not that he didn't want to pay, but my mom didn't really use the money for me and my siblings very much. She still expected my dad to pay for all our medical expenses and clothes and stuff even after she was already getting child support, and not to mention the fact that we spent every weekend with him. I believed my dad was in the right for fighting the child support just because of the way my mom was using it. She used it for us too, but she expected so much beyond that it was ridiculous.
Some dads are in the wrong for fighting it, but every situation is different.
I agree with pp that every situation is different, and in some cases the non-custodial parent is way over-paying. Also, situations change as jobs come and go, new dependents arrive, older dependents go off to college and become independent, etc, each situation necessitating an appeal.
So, while the teen mom dads may be acting selfish (I don't watch the show), I would definitely not throw a blanket statement over the whole child support situation. It's way more complicated than it looks, and sometimes a simple formula just doesn't cut it when it comes to deciding on the correct amount to pay to support a child without padding the other parent's pockets or taking support away from other dependents.
ETA: The formula differs by state. Some states don't even take the custodial parent's income into account, so for example mom can be a millionaire and dad still might have to pay nearly half of his $35,000 salary even if he has other kids to support on his own.
It really does widely vary, but a majority of the child support payers I know who fought the rulings did so because the parent with primary custody was abusing the money instead of using it towards expenses for the child.
One woman I worked with paid alimony and child support to her ex-husband even with shared custody of their children. She found out he was spending the entire sum on jewelry and whatnot for his new girlfriend instead of spending a portion on the kid's needs. As a result the courts forced a special account similar to an escrow account to be set up for the child support portion of the money she had to pay him, and it was monitored by the courts to ensure that the money in that account was spent only on the children's needs. It was ridiculous that it had to go that far, but he was one of the child support recipients that abused the funding.
I dealt with this with DDs dad. Apparently he thought I was spending the money on myself. He was only paying $400 a month, which isn't sh!t. It took him about 3 years to understand that $400 doesn't cover half of rent, diapers, food, class projects and clothes. Technically I was the one getting screwed and I have her 70% of the time.
Thankfully, now he doesn't mind pitching in for extra things if need be. It took us 3 years to get to this point. He finally grew up lol
Edited to clarify: I didn't need him to pay half of my rent, but just the fact that I had to rent 2 bedroom apartments instead of 1 bedroom apartments. I live in the bay area and renting is ridiculous here and I needed my DD to have her own bedroom and her own space.
I think that because the formula is so variable and because often parents who are no longer together have a low level of trust for one another to begin with is the reason why its such an argument a lot of the time.
When I was a kid (my parents are divorced) my Dad had me convinced that my Mom should be spending the $50/week he gave her on me and she wasn't. I imagined all the toys, clothes, etc. she was supposed to be buying me and I resented her that she wasn't. When I was old enough to understand I realized how immature it was of my Dad to do that. Not only was he immature about paying child support to begin with but he was involving my sister and I inappropriately. Sadly, I think situations like this - and even worse are very common.
This topic gets me worked up. My FI has a child with someone else and he pays $350/mo. It's funny that a PP said that "isn't sh!t" because when you're with someone who has to pay CS and you have 2 kids of your own together that seems like a lot to be taking out of the budget for your own family. I can understand it not being enough for rent, etc. but it is a decent amount of money.
In our situation it is irritating just because the mother lives with her parents, doesn't pay rent or any bills (other than phone and car insurance). She admitted her parents buy the child's food and she doesn't have to go to daycare because the grandma watches her. She spends the money on herself!! That's why it's so frustrating.
I know it's different for everyone but I wish that these things would be taken into account before determining the amount the dad should pay.