how could a family member be so betraying!? (venting)

kelseybooth · January 2012

i have never been so hurt by a family member before in my life and now i don't know if i should even allow my sister near my daughter. my sister is 18 years old, almost 19 and by far has the maturity of an angry 14 year old.

back in september i went to move her car because of the hurricane, and my dad had asked me to move it. when i went to grab her keys she got angry with me and wanted her girlfriend to move it. i said no and she told me "touch those keys and i swear to god youll never have that baby" so that was issue number 1.

in december, my older sister wanted to talk to her about something. we went into my moms room and they started to talk. it got turned into an angry screaming match, and i was leaning up against the door. my angry sister went to open the door, and where i was standing if she had opened it i would have gotten cornered and hit with the doorknob in the stomach. i said "be careful. ill move just stop you'll hit me with the door knob" and looked down at my stomach, looked back up at me, and with full force elbowed me in the stomach. i fell into the wall, and she opened the door and ran out of the apartment. i didn't hear a "sorry" until i had to see her 3 weeks later on christmas day. not even a text message saying "omg i didnt mean to im sorry"

now not to even bring up the story on how she got my mother who was letting me use a car in her name, to leave me carless and pregnant, so she could have that car, i have enough reasoning to not trust her.

well now shes giving me an attitude because i don't want to find a job after i have the baby so i can "hire her" to watch the baby while i work. if i were to do that all the money i would be making would go to her for watching the baby, and i wouldn't trust her alone with my daughter no matter what the situation. how the hell can she sit there and tell people that im so wrong for not doing that for her!?

greeneyed_bride · January 2012

I'm sorry that you're dealing with this. However, I'm honestly not sure why you were expecting her to act in a mature way given her history of violence and immaturity. She can tell people whatever she wants - that doesn't mean that you need to change anything you're doing. Are you both still living at home?

Natalie3398 · January 2012

Wow your sister is something. Is she jealous of you or something? I think there needs to be an intervention or something. She should not be so rude or disrespectful. She needs to be smacked.

She has to be more compassionate to you. I can't believe how insensitive some people can be.

kelseybooth · January 2012

no my boyfriend and i have our own house. thank god. i couldn't imagine living in a house with her again.

Ya Never Know · January 2012

Wow, after all that I would just tell her that I wouldn't be able to trust leaving her with a baby when she's already so violent with me before the baby's even here.

danlexi04 · January 2012

It does sound like she's being a brat but then again, she's still a teenager. I'm not seeing how she "betrayed" you though. Tell her to get over herself and grow up.

lawright · January 2012

There's no excuse for violent behavior. That said, I think there might be something that you could do to minimize some of the danger going on. The best thing you can do is to take steps to avoid being around her (and avoid having your child around her) when she's angry as she's shown that she can't control her temper and she's unsafe to be around. For example, when you heard her arguing with your mom, the safest thing to do (in hindsight) would have been to remove yourself from the general vicinity. It's not your job to calm her down, make her be rational, employ her, justify your parenting decisions to her or to other family members, etc.

ibnagy99 · January 2012

lawright:
There's no excuse for violent behavior. That said, I think there might be something that you could do to minimize some of the danger going on. The best thing you can do is to take steps to avoid being around her (and avoid having your child around her) when she's angry as she's shown that she can't control her temper and she's unsafe to be around. For example, when you heard her arguing with your mom, the safest thing to do (in hindsight) would have been to remove yourself from the general vicinity. It's not your job to calm her down, make her be rational, employ her, justify your parenting decisions to her or to other family members, etc.

This! Also I'd think that you would have grounds to press charges against her for her violent behavior towards you and your lo. I'd remove myself from being around her and her destructive behavior. It would be best for you and your lo.

Taryn M · January 2012

Ya Never Know:
Wow, after all that I would just tell her that I wouldn't be able to trust leaving her with a baby when she's already so violent with me before the baby's even here.

This. If she is that violent over you touching her keys imagine how angry a fussy baby could make her.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope things get better with your sister soon.

jessandandy09 · January 2012

while she is young and some people never mature (always self-centered and rude) some of you comments lead me to believe there is something more going on with your sister. If you are an involved sibling and want to discuss this with your family, you might check into substance abuse that could be going on (the violence, and protection of the vehicle are good indicators) Or mental health issues. IF you are not that close with your family, I would say it is time to distance yourself and let her do some growing up for your own safety and mental well being. good luck and sorry you have to deal with this.

Shmogan09 · January 2012

Wow, if someone elbowed me in the stomach right now I would completely cut them out of my life. She is lucky you are even speaking to her!

MotherMonster · January 2012

My sister is the exact same way, except she's not violent with me and I haven't dealt with her during pregnancy.

My sister logged into our brother's facebook (I had blocked her because we just hate each other and it stems from our deceased father) and started posting crap saying I was fat and ugly to "see what I would do." I blocked my brother and told him off and everything. He didn't understand what he did, so I had to apologize after I found out from my mother that my sister did that. She's older too, which is even sadder.

Also in April 2011 she came down to my mom's where I was staying. I had just gotten out of the hospital after almost dying from viral encephalitis a month before. I was trying to work, but I ended up in the ER after an hour or 2 of work because my body couldn't seem to handle being up right and on my feet for longer than a couple of hours. My sister came over and proceded to tell my mom that I needed to move out and get a job....A) I was with DH so I had a place to live and I was only staying with my mom because at night I would start throwing up and she's a doctor. My doctor is her partner and it's so that way if I need to see him, I had someone who medically knows what to do for me since I'm diabetic I had a job and I have had a job for a long while. My sister was unemployed when she said this crap to me and the kicker is my mom was paying all of her bills. Like for her condo and food and gas and "so her cat could go to the vet every month." C) I pay my own bills, even though I'm staying with my mom. Some how my mom went with her on this asinine crap and I ended up calling my grandmother and telling her what was going on. She called my mom and asked her if she needed to be committed to the local mental hospital because she's not even going along with what her partner even told her about my condition at the time.

My sister will have no contact with my baby. I made it very clear to my mom that my sister is not welcome to be within a 10 mile radius of myself or my child. I am not putting up with that drama and BS because she's stupid. She's a vile person and I hope she doesn't have children at all because she doesn't deserve to have a child or be around children at all! She doesn't care about anyone except herself!

You and your baby don't need to deal with that BS at all! You need to create a good environment for your baby and she won't contribute to that. Also I too would question her care towards anyone else when she has a history of being violent with anyone. I'm a CNA and it's the same with us and nurses. If you have abuse or neglect on your record, you will not get a job in health care. If it was me, I wouldn't allow her to be in the same house as my child.

Ivana_Stolichnaya · January 2012

Just tell her to fnck off and don't talk to her anymore. I would cut her out, who needs her BS? Just ignore her existence, if she says anything to you, don't respond...she's invisible. I would not allow her near my child too, she has anger issues and someone with anger issues and a baby do not mix.

Shawnee11507 · January 2012

Taryn M:
Ya Never Know:
Wow, after all that I would just tell her that I wouldn't be able to trust leaving her with a baby when she's already so violent with me before the baby's even here.

This. If she is that violent over you touching her keys imagine how angry a fussy baby could make her.

I am so sorry you are having to deal with this. I hope things get better with your sister soon.

All this. I would have cut her out of my life also for elbowing me in the stomach while pregnant- you could have had her arrested- and touching a pregnant woman is a felony! I would've threatened her that if she ever touches me again, this is what I will be doing.

Don't let her near your baby. She sounds too violent and unpredictable. What if the baby was fussing and wouldn't stop crying- she sounds like a danger of shaking the baby.

RaeJ004 · January 2012

You don't owe her an explanation as to why you won't let her watch your LO. She assaulted you, and the sorry didn't come until later because she's not sorry.

Not only should you not allow LO to be around her, you shouldn't either. With her violent history you would be putting yourself and your unborn baby in jeopardy if you did.

Cut her out of your life.

mkarns · January 2012

Shmogan09:
Wow, if someone elbowed me in the stomach right now I would completely cut them out of my life. She is lucky you are even speaking to her!

This.

Family or not, another person put their hands on you, jeopardizing the health of your child. NOT OK. Stop trying to be the nice person here. Tell her you can't trust her and keep on livin'. You've got no reason to feel bad or upset for not giving her what she wants.

ebrooke · January 2012

I say cut her off. It's one thing to invite somebody toxic into your life. You're an adult. You know the potential consequences and can deal with it.

It's a game changer when they endanger others in your life- ESPECIALLY your child. It's up to you to protect your baby.

I know it's not an easy decision. And I agree with pp that this stinks of mental health issues or substance abuse. If she wants help, I say support her.

treble_clef · January 2012

Shmogan09:
Wow, if someone elbowed me in the stomach right now I would completely cut them out of my life. She is lucky you are even speaking to her!

This. In a way, you are spoiling her by even speaking to her. She sounds very spoiled.

cjevar · January 2012

Ya Never Know:
Wow, after all that I would just tell her that I wouldn't be able to trust leaving her with a baby when she's already so violent with me before the baby's even here.

Have to agree with this....there would be no way in hell I would let her be alone with my baby after the sh!t she has pulled. Honestly I don't think I would want to be around her period, she sounds like she has issues and needs to be medicated...sorry

Amberrrr · January 2012

Ugh, yeah I hate my sister too. She has a violent history as well. Losing her temper and hitting my family members, myself, blah blah. Well now she's on medication but she's still a stupid b*tch. She's self absorbed and untrustworthy. My kitty (not a human baby, but still my little furbaby) hates her. He growls at her and hisses at her every time she's around. And I NEVER see him act that way. It's scary! We had dogs and she would make them yelp and they always hated her.

Fact is, she's unreliable. Don't let your sister watch your baby. Your baby is your top priority, and you know that. If you don't trust her don't give her the benefit of the doubt. You're in charge now. It might be hard because she is your sister, but you might have to take the route of cutting her out of your life because she probably won't be a good influence on you and your baby. Threatening you during pregnancy like that is disturbing. That's frickin scary. My sister has gotten quite jelous of me during my pregnancy as well, she's cried because my mum bought me a bassinet for christmas. Seriously. . . . You're not alone. Unfortunately it sounds like you live with your sister, where as I don't anymore. And it's gotten to the point I don't even answer her phone calls anymore. Point is you're gonna have to take the steps to keep the distance because she's a bad person, toxic to you and your LO.

jimmie48fan · January 2012

It is a tough situation, but in the big picture your sister will aways be your sibling but you are making a new family and thats what counts. You need to do whats best for you and your new family, tough choices but your baby is your concern not your sister.....let her go, one day if she wants you back she will return until then you and your lo are your priority.

Good Luck

robin

tartaruga · January 2012

now not to even bring up the story on how she got my mother who was letting me use a car in her name, to leave me carless and pregnant, so she could have that car, i have enough reasoning to not trust her.

This sounds like an issue with your mom, not your sister. Your mom is OK with you being carless and pregnant, apparently, and that isn't your sister's fault.

Your sister has emotional issues and violent tendencies, so the solution is pretty clear - avoid her and certainly don't leave her alone with your baby. You don't owe anyone an explanation for this.

PrincessMenace · January 2012

while, yes this is a totally messed up situation.. i have to say, you could have avoided her reactions. first, why would you continue to pick up her keys to move her car, when she said she didnt want you to? second, why are you listening against the door? if they wanted you to knwo what they are talking about, they would have invited you in.

it sounds like you and your whole family should seek counseling and learn how to interact with one and other.

oh and i wouldnt even be sweating the baby sitting thing. its your choice who watches you kid.

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