- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
February 2012 Moms
Macleod49440
member
My parents have decided they ARENT coming for the birth...
Macleod49440
member
First of all, Im their only daughter and this is my first child....
Apparently my mom has decided for the both of them that it is quote "Too much of a hassle to come" and that they will come see the baby April 1st when they are done vacationing in Florida. I live in Toronto, Ontario, they live in Nova Scotia (also canada) They go to Flordia to get away from the Canadian winter every year. The plan this entire time was to jump on a plane the minute I go into labor and be here for the birth. My brother is a Captain for Air Canada and so my parents practically fly for free. I had to laugh when my mom also added that its just "too much of an added cost" for them to fly up here.
A bit of background information on my mom. She has Borderline Personality Disorder and hence, life has always been about her! Ive only always had my dad to rely on for everything whether material or emotional type support and now he wont even be here. Im completely devastated. Who says "its too much of a hassle?" to their own kid.!?!?! I cant believe my dad is letting this happen!!
The worst part is I had to break this news to my in laws who are such wonderful people and they of course feel terrible for me and at the same time are scratching their heads at the whole situation.
My husband is disgusted with my parents and has said to tell them not to even bother coming at all. He called my mom a "rotten human being" last night. And I totally understand his anger and I too am hurt and angry but at the same time I dont want this to come between my husband and I. I dont know how to even be mad at my parents, Im just hurt.
I think a big part of me is still a little bit in shock that we mean that little to them and at the same time I cant help but think this is just typical and could think of 100 other examples of other childhood memories where my mom pulled an equally disgusting move.
Thanks for listening ladies, I had to get that out, I feel like Im on the verge of a meltdown today...
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
This discussion has been closed.
Re: My parents have decided they ARENT coming for the birth...
Im so devastated I cant even believe this is actually even happening.
So, your original plan was for your parents to fly down the minute you went into labor, and hang out in the hospital waiting room for your baby to be born? I just want to make sure that I?m not missing anything. Sorry that you?re upset.
ETA: I missed the part where she said it would be a hassle. It's too bad that she wasn't more tactful about it. Hang in there.
I'm sorry, I would imagine it's quite disappointing.
And I hope it was just a poor choice of words and they didn't mean it would be a waste of time.
Hugs to you. I hope your husband can let it go. I know it hurts when your SO feels negatively about your family. Even if they deserve it.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. -Philo
Baby N conceived after 1 miscarriage and more than 2 years of TTC. Diagnosis was low sperm count. We found success after 3 months of anastrozole to increase DH's testosterone and one IUI.
Some charts
I'm stupid. You're smart. I was wrong. You were right. You're the best. I'm the worst. You're very good-looking. I'm not attractive. - Happy Gilmore
If her parents really do fly for next to nothing, and this was their plan all along, I don't really see what's so strange about it? I'm assuming that if they spend the winter in Florida, they must either be retired or have very accommodating jobs, so it's not like it's interfering with work either.
OP, I am so sorry that your mom is throwing this at you so late in the game. I hope you have a wonderful birth and are able to enjoy the time with the people who do choose to be present.
I would also be pretty devastated... especially since now they aren't planning on coming for more than a month after the baby is born. Given the fact that they can fly for practically free and that this was their plan all along, I don't think you're overreacting at all!
I would call your dad and speak with him about how you feel. Maybe he just figured it was easier to go along with what your mom suddenly decided and didn't realize how hurt you'd be if they changed their plans.
Lurking from March 2012.....
You have my complete and total sympathy with this situation. My mom has BPD too and has done her best to make MY pregnancy about her and to stir up whatever drama she can. You are probably better off with her not being there for the birth of your child. I definitely don't want my mom to visit right away, I'm sure I'm going to be very emotional anyways, and I don't want to be dealing with her insecurities. My dad is extremely passive in dealing with her and pretty much lets her walk all over him and the rest of the family, he might come visit when the baby gets here, but more than likely they will both come up together a few weeks after the baby arrives. Good luck and you can PM me if you ever want to chat about what it's like being pregnant and dealing with a parent with BPD.
I'm soooooo sorry about this. I would be completely beside myself too! My only advice to you is to give yourself a few days and then try and reach out to your father, since he's more emotionally available to you. Maybe your mom was having an off day and wasn't speaking for the both of them. Your father could possibly reason w/her on his end and hopefully she'll change her mind. I also have several family members w/mental issues and sometimes what they say in the moment can't be taken seriously until one has at least another discussion with them. I hope this is the case w/your mom and that she'll change her mind and be there for you since that's what you really want. Fingers crossed!
In the event that your parents don't come, pls don't let that ruin your experience giving birth, they are the ones who are missing out, not you. Pls keep us updated...
I understand how you feel.
We had my daughter in Savannah, GA, which is about 1100 miles away from our family in Kansas City, Missouri. I am close to my family, but not a single one of them made the trip. None of them met my daughter until she was 5 months old when we made the trip out there.
It made me so sad. And honestly, while I love my sister dearly, it really upset me that she went to a wedding out of state just a couple weeks after my DD was born.
::::hugs:::::
Im so sorry...I can't imagine my mom/parents saying that to me. I would be devastated. Did you atleast let your mom know that her decision to wait to come is upsetting to you? That you were really counting & expecting them to be there for the birth?
I hope in some way they have a change of heart and make it out to be there for you and their new grandbaby.
I completely sympathize with you. My mom told me she would fly in for DD#1's birth. Then about a month beforehand she changed her mind and told me it would be too difficult for her. My MIL immediately offered to fly in. I'm so grateful that my kids have other grandparents who love them and are dependable. Now I avoid being disappointed by my mom by being realistic about what I can expect from her (which is basically nothing). DD#1 is now 4 years old and my mom has still never visited.
My only advice is to focus on the positive and on the people who want to be there for you. I'm sorry you're going through this during your pregnancy!