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Trying to Get Pregnant
Anyone's DH significantly older than them?
I know "significantly" is relative, but anyway...
My DH is almost 39 and I turned 27 in October. The age difference has never been an issue for us and we've been together almost 5 years. Now that we're TTC he is starting to get anxious that there's something wrong with him because he's older than your average first-time dad. We both come from big families where the womenfolk get KU either very easily or by accident all the damn time, so he thinks I should have been PG months ago. He's impatient, to say the least.
So my question is two-fold: is anyone in a similar situation with their DH, and at a loss for how to reassure him? And does he have any legitimate concerns about being 39 and trying for a kid? All of the research I've done has suggested that the baby is at a marginally higher risk for certain conditions (and even that hasn't been proven), but that conceiving won't be a problem unless there's something else, unrelated to his age, that's affecting his fertility. I just wondered if anyone had heard or read differently.
Thanks in advance!
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Re: Anyone's DH significantly older than them?
I really can't relate to the age but your families fertility has nothing to do with yours. It can take a healthy couple with GOOD timing up to a year to concieve.
How long have you been trying? Are you charting?
I haven't had this experience with my DH, but maybe ask him to watch the Great Sperm Race series on youtube, it's a real eye opener as far as understanding how long it could take to get pregnant.
I thing age impacts a woman's fertility far more than it does the man, but I could be wrong. If you have difficulty conceiving after one year of actively trying, make an appointment to speak to your doctor. They may want to do a SA at that point.
Me: 30, DH: 33 Married 8/3/08
BFP 7/16/2012 (8th cycle), EDD 3/27/2012, Delivered 3/24/2013 - IT'S A BOY!
How long have you been TTC? You can remind him that it can take a health couple up to a year to concieve and that other fertility has nothing to do with yours. It is basically luck and good timing. Even with everything "right" there is only a 20% chance of concieving each month.
Like you, I have heard nothing about men's feritilty declining with age the way a women's does.
If he is concerned and you have been ttc for more then 6 months you can suggest he talks to his doctor regarding a SA.
I am 27 and Dh is 37. We have conceived 2 kids together already. The last one being just 2 years ago. He actually has no bad feelings about TTC this time around. I had him watch From Conception to Birth on discovery health one night and tried to convince him that using OPKs and temping was to our advantage, but alas he did not give in. He is pretty confident his swimmers will get the job done. I would say not to worry about it until you hit the year mark. I know that is easier said than done.
Good luck!
I'm going to be 32 this year and my DH will be 42. We've been together for almost 13 years. We have one DD, who was born in 2009. My DH was 38 when she was born. We are currently trying for #2 and are on cycle 2 of trying.
I haven't had any doctor mention my DH's age as a factor for increased risks. Maybe some of the other ladies will be better able to answer that question for you. I have read on here many times that it is normal to take up to a year to conceive. It took DH and I about 5 cycles to conceive DD. So if you've been trying for under a year, your still in the "average" range I guess.
Perhaps it would be a good idea for your DH to have a general check up just confirm that he's in good general health. That might help to allay some of his fears.
GL and your not alone in the age gap category!
Happened to be lurking today...busy at work.
I'm almost 30 and DH is 43! DS is 15 months old. Kids was a hot topic of conversation when we got serious 5 years ago. He didn't want any more kids (he has a 14 yr. old) and I of course wanted kids so we finally agreed on one. He is an extremely active 43 year old and keeps up with DS and sometimes better than me so age is truly a number and what you make it. He was the one that came to me wanting another one. I was probably more anxious about getting KU quicker than he was. The first go around it took over a year and I was so worried it was taking too long and he would change his mind. Ya that was never the case.
Long story short...age is truly a number. MH was like yours in the fact that it's SOOO easy to get pregnant why are you stressing!??! There was nothing I could ever say to him to make him feel better. My only advice is don't stress about the age, he obviously wants to be a dad and it will happen for you. Sorry this response was long and probably has no value...it sounded so much better in my head! lol
My DH is almost 33 and I am 24. He has expressed slight concern about his age before, but nothing too serious.
I also come from a family where the women get knocked up without trying. "Getting pregnant was the easiest thing I ever did," is a common sentiment among them. Needles to say, on cycle #4, that has not applied to me. While I do not agree that genetics have nothing to do with your fertility--any doctor will tell you that they do play a role--I can say that they are one factor among many re: how quickly you will conceive.
My understanding is that children conceived to men over 35 have slightly higher chances of certain illnesses / conditions but that advanced paternal age does not affect conception.
Thank you for your thoughtful replies, everyone! I haven't mastered the multiple quotes in a single post, so I'm replying en masse.
To clarify, I am not worried at all. We're only on cycle 4 (I'm roughly 7 DPO). I started charting this month but, because of a long, drawn-out story I won't get into, quit halfway through. I will pick it up again for cycle 5 if I don't get my BFP.
I know genetics isn't a huge determining factor in fertility, but someone who comes from a family of quite fertile people can't help but expect the same.
I think I will have him watch The Great Sperm Race so he can gain a little perspective. He doesn't care about the statistics I quote: 20% chance each month, tiny fertile window, 1-year-for-healthy-couples-with-great-timing. He's very stubborn about the whole thing.
In my crazy moments, I decide that I have jinxed myself by thinking that. Ha.
MH could care less about the statistics too. "How come there are all these teenage moms and oops pregnancies if it's that hard!"
The fact of the matter is pregnancy ISN'T always easy to attain...no matter what the age of either partner involved.
I'm pretty much in the same boat as you. DH is 39 and I'm going to be 29 in Apr. This is cycle #5 for us. I spoke to my GYN about DH's age and she said advanced paternal age is 45. He hasn't said anything about being too old to TTC but he definitely had issues with being an older first-time dad. This was a big issue before we got married but now he is really excited for kids. I was always secretly worried we would have trouble because he was older, but then it turns out we are having problems because I'm likely not ovulating.
I'm sorry to hear that and hope you find a solution soon! Thanks for sharing your experience. I didn't know an advanced paternal age had been established, that might be of some comfort to him.
Again, thank you everyone for taking the time to respond. This has been really helpful.