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Single Parents
Crystal318
member
Who has a lot of time on thier hands.......
Crystal318
member
Am I missing anything???? Thank you in advance
Topics for Mediation
- Taxes - I should be able to claim LO on my taxes
- I am the primary care taker, he lives in my home, I get him ready and take him to day care everyday, cook his meals, do his laundry, schedule his appointments, buy his clothes, etc.
- Child Support/Money issues - should be paid to a child support account. Ex has a history of not paying on-time and has a hard to remembering whether or not he has paid. This account will be able to keep track of all transcations. Child support should be $442 per month plus $90 per week per the child support worksheets.
- Half of all unpaid medical expenses should be split by both parites
- When is child support due?
- How do I access it after it is in the account?
- Can we add the money that he already owes me?
- Pay back LO $400 that he stole from him
- Attorneys fees - half above $2500
- School pictures ? order our own pictures
- Activites ? When LO begins activites/these costs should be split by both parties
- Drug Testing ? Ex should submit to monthly hair/urnine screens
- Due to Ex history. Ex has been on and off of drugs since my pregnancy, that I know.
- Due to Ex drugs of choice (cocaine, pain pill and marijuana) some of those drugs can be out of your system in 3-5 days, therefore, a urine test would not pick up on the drug.
- I need to be sure that Ex is not on drugs while supervising our son. Even when Ex is not high, his personality is still effected when he is coming down from his high and he can be very unpredictable.
- Who pays for the drugs screens?
- Where does he take them?
- How do I get the results?
- Who sends him for the screening?
- What happens if he doesn?t pass? He cant see LO?.until when?
- LO Belongings ? Ex should be respondsible for purchasing his own belongings for LO (sippy cups, diapers, wipes, etc). He may use the pack-n-play for sleep overs (his father purchased) and Ex may have the bassinet (his mother purchased). Ex should purchase his own safety regulated carseat in order to avoid any arguments in case I forget or he forgets to leave it at the day care one day.
- Sick Time ? when LO is sick (fever, stomach bug, sick appointments at doctor,etc) he should be able to remain in his own primary physical home until he is well. I will give EX notice (when possible).
- Holidays ? Same as original agreement
- Transportation ? Same as original agreement
- Visitations ? Same as original agreement OR a total of _______hours per week divided up among _____days which includes________overnight(s)_______per week/month. To be determined at least one full week/seven full days ahead of time. Schedules may be discussed over the phone or in person but final decision must send via text and/or email for confirmation.
- Vacations/Out-of-State Travel ? Unless there is a family emergency (sick family member, death/birth in family), all vacations/out-of-state travel should be discussed at least _________ in advance. No vacation or out-of-state travel should last more than_________ consecutuve days. Until Ex has had ___________ amount of overnights, he cannot take LO out-of-state overnight.
- Relocation ? Moving out of state. Is it an option? How long of a notice do we give?
- Legitimization ? Is Ex going through this process? Do I play a role in that process?
- Activities ? When LOstarts doing activites/sports/etc. Both parents are allowed/encouraged to attend the event/practice/etc ? no matter whose day it is for visitation. However, the parent who has visitation that day is responsible for getting LO to that event.
- Times/Cancellations/etc
- Visitations ? if Ex is more than______late, the visitation for that day is cancelled
- Cancelling Visitations ? A 24 hour notice must be given
- First Right of Refusal ? If Ex has LO and cannot watch him for some reason, I need to be the first person to have the option to watch him.
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Re: Who has a lot of time on thier hands.......
One thing to remember this is not a set in stone never to be discussed again you can go back and revisit/revise it.
2. I know we all want to keep the child close to us when they are sick. But let's look at it from a different perspective. Why should you use up all your sick leave from your employer and he gets paid out for not using his b/c you've CO only you can stay w/ sick child. ALSO Why do you have to carry all the heavy parenting work. He can stay home w/ his sick child just as well as you can, sure maybe he'll buy Schwepp's Ginger Ale instead of the obvious superior healing qualities of Canada Dry.
3. Remember the courts (mediation is court-light) will see what's good for the goose is good for the gander. IF you have LO and want your mom to watch baby you can't b/c you will also have to offer First Right of Refusal to your Ex.
My first piece of advice is do a temporary agreement first. I did this for 3 reasons.
1) Because I put EX on a step visitation schedule so whether or not he followed it would affect our future agreement.
2) It gave me extra time to figure out what worked and what didn't so I can fix it for the final.
3) He is fighting for a last name change. My attorney advised me that the longer we prolonged it the less likely a judge would be to agree. Since then I have gathered more than enough evidence to keep this from happening anyway.
I agree with Sweetie about the being sick thing. The burden shouldnt fall on you 100% of the time. Remember that with the FROR that it goes for you too. I didn't put it in my order because 1) he doesnt live here and 2) I would hate it if I had to ask him to watch Wy everytime my Mom watched him.
In my final orders I will be putting that if ex is more than 15 minutes late his visitation is forfeited. In the 3 visits he has had since October hes been late every time.
I agreed to legitimization in mediation so his lawyer took care of the rest.
I didn't even put anything about moving out of state in my orders. He moved with less than a week notice. With my work if I apply for a new job in another state, the move would happen within a month. He said he was going to ask for a clause that I can't move 100 miles but he lives out of state so I don't see much of an argument there.
Are you agreeing to overnights immediately? I made ex come EO weekend for 3 months. IF he came EOW he would get 2 overnights a month for 3 months. If he did this for 3 months then he got from Friday to Sunday. He never completed the first step so its still only 9-6 visitation.
Do you want to put anything in there about overnight visits with the opposite sex? if you do, remember that it applies to you too.
If I think of anything else I'll add on. Good luck!
Do you not have a CS order now? Are you covering it in mediation? We brought receipts and covered all pack child support that he is to pay directly to me on the 15th of the month.
He pays CS directly to the state and I can access it online here
https://ocse.dhr.georgia.gov/portal/site/DHS-OCSE/
If you have filed make a user name and password. It updates on the 1st of each month for me and also has a tab to show the monthly arrears he is in.
I just wanted to say THANK YOU guys so much!!! You gave me some great insight!
I will be taking out First Right of Refusal - I do not want him to watch my son everytime I have something else to do, I really dont want him in my business anymore that he needs to be
I will be taking out the opposite sex thing - honestly I would probably feel more comfortable with him having overnights if there was a female there with him.
Sick time - I am not sure I am going to take this out. My ex is very impatient and not as nurturing as I am. I would rather I stay home with my LO when he is sick. I just feel like I can take give LO a little more TLC than anyone else can.
Adding - claim LO on taxes EVERY YEAR.
Adding - EX Pays for drugs screens
Thank you for taking all that time to help me out!!