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Single Parents
Do you ever...??
Do you ever question your choices? In regards to divorce/custody/etc.
I know STBXH is a manipulative @$$ with no self control, but sometimes when I spend enough time away from him I remember who it was I fell in love with, and it makes me deeply sad, hurt, and even miss him a little.
I know he's manipulating me when he calls and txts everyday saying he misses DS and that he wants to see him. Part of me is stupid enough to believe him when he says "I could never hurt you or L." He's just so unstable, and I know that, but it gets to me sometimes and I feel like L deserves to have his dad in his life and that I shouldn't fight for full physical and legal custody. But deep down I KNOW it's the right thing for L to be kept away from him unless it's supervised.
Of course as soon as I spend any amount of time with him, my opinion quickly goes back to thinking he deserves everything he's getting.
The short of is, what do you do when you feel that way? Do you ever feel that way? Sometimes I just feel like the biggest idiot in the world for letting him play my emotions when I know he never wants to be together again, he just likes how I make everything easy peasy for him. :
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Re: Do you ever...??
I could have wrote this myself. When I got the restraining order against my ex, all that time away from him, took the focus on how much anger I feel towards him and really made me miss the old person who I used to know and who I fell in love with. But then as soon as we have contact again, I realize why we are not together.
It kinda feels like I have been in protect mode for my LO for so long, that I never had time to mourn our relationship. Does that make sense?
You just have to remind yourself that there is nothing you can do to change him. I almost feel as though the person I fell in love with is dead. I dont know who this new person is but its not someone I would have fallen in love with....or is it?
I dont think I know your whole story but is your ex an addict? I know that alanon is starting to help me alot. I would recommend it to anyone dealing with this type of situation.
Im going through this right especially because the breakup is still somewhat new, I have my days where I miss him and then there are days I'd like to punch the hell out of him.I just dont know this person anymore, this is not the guy I was in love with for 9+ years. Part of me feels bad for filing for custody and child support but then the other part of me says its for the best. I have to put feelings aside and do whats best for me and my daughter simple as that.
I basically couldn't have said it better. I feel like the man I loved died.
My breaking point was when he told me "I have never asked you to change so why should I have to change for you?" It's obvious he has no intention of being a better person for me or DS.
He's not an addict but acts like one, or someone with a severe bipolar/aggressive disorder... What is alanon?
Although I know that leaving my ex was the best thing I could have done, it is still very hard and is currently getting harder day to day. It has been 3 months since he went to jail and 2 months since I technically left him. I know it is still very early so I'm not looking for that healing any time soon. My mind is a mix of terror, sadness, regret, happiness, relief, freedom, you name it. I have been an emotional rollercoaster for so long and cry nearly every single night.
I have to say though that my sadness and heartbreak more stems from missing what I never had rather than what I did have. In the few years we were together he spent most of that time in jail, destroyed our wedding and my first pregnancy by going to jail on his bachelor party night for 8 months, rarely kept a solid job, broke promise after promise, became extremely verbally and physically abusive and was lying constantly. In my mind I always pictured a beautiful wedding, a loving husband, vacations and just all around happiness. I never got ANY of that.
So yeah, sorry about the rant. I'm just saying I don't necessarily miss HIM, I miss the dreams of mine he took away by his thoughtless actions. I was miserable while I was with him but we did have our good times which I do miss. And as for being sad about "taking away his child"? I have NO regrets. The night he went to jail as he was strangling me he said he was going to kill our son too. He was never big in our son's life even when we were together. Never fed him, changed his diaper, bathed him, read to him, put him to bed. I literally had to yell at him to get off his computer and play with his son because he never did it otherwise. So as for being sad he won't be much of a daddy? I'm not because he never was.
Alanon is meeting/group for people whose lives have been affected due to having a loved one with a drug/alcohol problem. It is pretty much a spin off of AA. Its all about helping you realize that the only person you have any power/control over is yourself. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow (no pun intended). I wasted the past two years trying to change my ex.....I am finally realizing that I do not have the power to change anyone.