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February 2012 Moms
S/O Now that the end is near....
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Re: S/O Now that the end is near....
love is for every her, love is for every him, love is for everyone
Least looking forward to Daycare/the cost of Daycare.
We still don't have one and I'll be going back to work 12 weeks after her arrival... and I'm stressing out over it. It's so hard- I feel ... helpless and like a bad parent already.
I am most worried of how DS #1 will react although I've been really trying to prepare him for a few months now. I think he will do well, but he's been my little man for so long I just don't know how he will handle not being my only boy. He's excited so that helps, but I'm worried he will take to the adjustment period slowly.
And to any mom's with other LO's - I've heard/read/been advised that if both the baby and the other child are crying or need something to tend to the older child first (unless of course baby is in extreme need or danger obviously) because the older child will remember if you ignore him/her and go to the baby while the baby will not remember. Not sure how applicable this will be to some people but just thought I would share that.
Another thing I am nervous about though is that I will lose my special relationship with my son as I need to depend on H more for things. Like if I'm pumping/nursing and DS #1 needs something Daddy will have to step up his game and I feel like that will be replacing me. Or if baby is awake while I'm trying to get DS #1 to sleep - I just hope the logistics work out - I know that it will work out just like it did with DS #1 but I still worry I won't be able to have our special snuggle time while we lay down together, etc.
not knowing how soothe her, not recognizing if something is REALLY wrong with her and how my relationship with DH will change. He is the most important person in my life and has been for the past 8 years, I love him with my all of me, I dont want to struggle or for things to change between us. ( We have talked about this and how we will work to keep our relationship a priority but it is still scary)
I also worry about having me time again, no sleep, juggling my career and still having time to be the mom I want to be, figuring out who the "new" me is with a baby...but these things dont scare me like the above mentioned things do.
I was never really afraid to be a mom or afraid I wouldn't know what to do - it comes very naturally IMO. And the baby knows your voice most of all, so sometimes even just talking to the baby is something that can soothe him or her. I was amazed at how DS #1 was calmed just by me talking. And a few times when he was over stimulated or over tired or something, we would step outside for a few minutes and I don't know if it was the fresh air or just the change in the environment or what but it would make him calm down.
And don't forget - you are NOT a bad mom if you need to put the baby down in their crib or pnp (somewhere safe obviously) and get a few minutes to yourself. I had to do this once when DS would just not fall asleep and I was about to pull out my hair. I put him in his crib and walked into the back yard for a moment just to give myself a breather, and literally a minute later I walked in - much calmer, and DS reacted to that and fell asleep. He was sensing my frustration I think and since I was relaxed then, he relaxed.
It is completely normal to be worried, especially about how you will do, etc. but I just want you to know it is very natural - you will know your baby better than ANYONE. You will know his/her cues, cries, grunts, etc. It is so amazing. Have faith in yourself and trust your mom gut or mom instinct and you will know what to do.
This is me - I'm very Type A and wanted things done my way since I was a SAH/WFH mom until DS was 16 months old. But what I reminded myself of was that just because H did it different than I did - didn't mean it was wrong. And the more trust I put in him to handle things, the more at ease he felt. He had very little experience with babies so it was huge change for him and took him awhile before he was comfortable watching DS by himself, but I never made him feel like he was doing it "wrong" so that really seemed to help.
I do NOT mean to come across as a know it all - I just know how you are all feeling and since I've been there and had that reaction, etc. I thought I might chime in so I hope I'm coming across helpful and not like a know it all.
Like a lot of others have said, I am majorly worried about DD and how she will handle this transition. I don't want her to feel any less special once her baby brother is here.
Then I also worry about how I can possibly make THIS baby feel as special as DD has been for the past 2.5 years....
I know it will all work out somehow but it is hard to imagine at this point and it scares me.
I'm scared that I won't know what to do. I have lots of experience with babies...my mom had a daycare for my whole childhood, and I was a nanny for 5 years for 3 different families (one of the families had twin infants -3 weeks old- when I started). So I'm nervous that I'll go into thinking I'm okay and then freak out.
Another irrational fear that I have is that I'll get PPD. My mom has clinical depression, and she is really down if she forgets to take her medicine. I've wanted to be a mom since I was 7 years old. Specifically, I couldn't wait to have my own baby; I'm scared that I'll get PPD and miss out on what I've been looking forward to for 20 years. I know this is probably irrational, but I have DH and my mom on the lookout for signs of it bc I'm so scared of it.
Lastly, I'm not quite sure how I'm going to balance everything. Like PPs, I am a bit of a control freak. I don't know how I'll juggle a new baby, cleaning, bills, work, time with DH, etc. I fully trust DH, but he literally has ZERO experience with babies, and he's told me that I have to teach him. I am excited for that bc DH is going to be a wonderful dad. I just want to know that if I pass on some of the other responsibilities to him, he won't slack or forget (ie cleaning / bills).
Wow, I didn't know I was worried about that much. Good post, it helped me get it all out.
After 2 1/2 years TTC, 3 IUI's, endo, and a lap, a surprise BFP brought us Alexandra Marie!
I worry how I'm going to do it all on my own. I never in a million years expected to be in the position that I am - i.e. single mother. I worry that I'll resent him in the beginning even though none of this is his fault (deep down I'm certain I won't but that worry still crosses my mind).
Hmmm, I kind of have a lot
How our pup will react (YES, I KNOW, she's a DOG... but she's our first "baby"), how my relationship with DH will change, how I'll handle the transition from working to staying at home (at least for a little while), and post-partum depression (runs in the family).
I had PPD with the first two (first undiagnosed for 8 months, it was SUCH a revelation with the second how EASY babies are as I was already medicated - babies ARE easy when you are not INSANE). I worry that I will again, but then again, both my girls were born in insanely tense times, very high drama. This one, no drama.
And I worry about having three - DH travels for work M-TH. Sample schedule:
Monday: Pick up children at 5:15, after working for nine hours. Get DD to girl scouts. Home by 5:50. Get 4 year old into tub, bathe baby. Respond to inevitable work call with dire emergency. Feed both of them (HOW??). Leave to pick up DD by 6:30. Pretend to listen to DD while baby is screaming and other DD is complaining because she has homework. Home around 7:00 (this is the four year old's bed time; she is a 12 hour sleeper). Feed DD and get her into shower, start homework. Hold baby. Start homework with the four year old (3 hours/week, 1 hour Monday nights). Answer emails on blackberry. Handle immense overtired four year old tantrum. Eat?? Read to DD (where is baby while I am homeworking/eating/reading? hope baby likes swing or appreciates crumbs on head while in Ergo) at bedtime, tuck in. Feed baby? Assist DD with homework (4 one page papers per six weeks, plus other homework and this is only second grade). Spelling words. Math facts with stopwatch. Get DD into bed. Feed baby? Eat? Get DD age 4 water. Baby. Shower? Sleep?
I am FREAKED OUT.
BFP 3.8.16 EDD 11.20.16
THIS! When my dad & I would argue when I was a teen (nothing serious just the basics: grades & going out) - I knew my mom completely understood my point, & in private I'd ask her - she would always respond, "if I had to choose between you & my husband, I'd always choose my husband". (Now by all means by dad was never abusive, so don't take this wrong: my mom's not controlled by my father or anything, but he was the one she made vows to for better or for worse). PISSED me off growing up - now I see how amazing of a marriage they really have. Will I still be the #1 in his life?
Also, he hasn't been around kids often, & I grew up & still work with them. So I need to remember to let him do his own thing with the LO - otherwise I'd assume he'd begin to "resent" his new role in a way, if he's being treated like he doesn't know how to handle it.
3rd thing I'm scared of - I have confidence in my self that I will not neglect any essential needs of a baby, infant, & even toddler. But wilI I be able to communicate with my child appropriately? Will he respect me? Will he listen to me? I see so many kids who have NO respect for their parents, it makes me sick! ... just some worries for the future!