Foster to adopt?

kellyrn9956 · January 2012

Hi. I'm Kelly, and I am 30. My husband and I have been trying to get pregnant for about 3 years. We are continuing to pursue fertility treatments at this time. However, we are also interested in the foster-to-adopt process. We also fully realize that an adoption may never come out of any foster situation for us, and we are okay with that.

I am sure that this is a loaded question, but have any of you been foster parents? Have you gone on to adopt a child? What were some of the challenges? Some of the rewards?

Thanks in advance for any advice that you can send my way.

ctbride08 · January 2012

fredalina:
We adopted DD after fostering her. The biggest challenges were getting approved (it took a year; nothing was wrong, just caseworkers who didn't want to do their jobs) and dealing with the agency (state) in general. Some states have private agencies that handle foster/adopt and are generally more competent lol, but in my state the private agencies only get the kids that the state can't place themselves, which are usually severe medical, behavioral problems or teens or very large sibling groups, none of which we were prepared for.

ditto all of this.

we are in the early stages of adopting the sibling group that we've been fostering for the past 2.5 years. They were our first placement and we never expected it would go to adoption, but it has indeed. We struggled for a long while with our oldest's behavioral issues so that may come as second most difficult to dealing with "the system". But overall I wouldnt change a thing - its been an amazing experience and I hope to foster again in the future.

Ambie0611 · January 2012

I don't have any advice - I just wanted to say Good Luck to you and your DH.

Cristine · January 2012

We're actually in the process of getting licensed for foster care right now. We're becoming licensed because there are two little girls in another state we want to adopt. They're not technically related to us (They're distant family members of family members) so we're becoming foster parents so we can foster/adopt them.

Last week in class we talked about adoption. They said in our county about 8 children were adopted last year out of roughly 130 in care. The national guideline is that social services should have an identified permanancy plan for the child within one year of the child going into care. That can be returning to the parents, placement with another family member, or adoption. Our coordinator that while 1 year is the goal it often can take much longer depending on what's going on with the birth parents.

Good Luck!

CaptainSerious · January 2012

Hello and welcome!

PrincessShay80 · January 2012

We took a foster to adoption situation- we knew it was legal risk (birthmom's rights had not been terminated yet) and birth father was unknown. DD was 4 weeks old when we got her. Our caseworker was pretty sure it was going to end in adoption, but they never know for sure.

We had a pretty easy time with it- TPR was submitted 5 months into the case and it was granted when DD was 11 month old, and her adoption was finalized when she was 14 months old. It just so darn long to get court dates, because they were so back logged with cases.

We are now getting involved with another foster to adopt situation, it's DD's biological sister- so we were contacted when the baby was taken into custody. I was told TPR looks good- since birthmom just had a TPR done 13 months ago, but still they never know.

For me the hardest part is the uncertainity- I'm a total control freak- so not having control is very hard for me. I found that being very informed helps. I stay in contact with our case workers, I also would call the courts and check in on when the court dates were scheduled, so I knew what to expect. It's also a long process, we got very lucky with our daughter that it was so fast, but I know there are times were it takes a long time- so patience is a must. I will say that the overall experience of it is great, if you can hang, it's a rollar coaster ride, it can really pay off in the end. Good luck!

mamatojts · January 2012

We are veteran/retired foster parents. We had 8 placements - first 6 were reunified with family/parents. We had hopes to adopt #2 & 3 (siblings) but an aunt came forward in Mexico. We submitted our homestudy for a 16 month old in another foster home in our agency and we were picked to be his adoptive parents, he's now 4 years old. Two months after he moved into our home, we found out that he was a big brother to a newborn. DS1's adoption was finalized 6 months, 1 day after he moved in, which is the requirement for Texas for any adoption - foster/adopt or domestic adoption. Baby brother was placed with us, BM technically signed her rights away at a court date 2 months after birth, but due to her lawyer being a douche, it didn't happen until he was 9 months old. His adoption was finalized 2 weeks before his 1 year birthday, but could have been finalized way before then if the the adults could have got their act together.

We were with an agency, as others mentioned. However, the way it works in Texas, they will send any "type" of child to agency homes as they honestly don't know the behaviors of the children when they are removed from their homes. Newborns are common to come by but most are drug exposed or addicted.

kellyrn9956 · January 2012

Thank you all for your stories! We are nervous, and will definitely be doing a lot of homework in order to decide if this is right for us. I hope to stay around on the board. Thanks so much!

FosterMomExtraordinaire · January 2012

We have been fostering for a little over 2 years. We are now adopting our latest placement, who has been with us since 1 year and 2 weeks old. We have a set of siblings who are high needs (severe behavioral problems) and we have been fostering them for 1.5 years. Even though the state is required to have a "permanent plan" within 12 months, we are finding that it simply doesn't happen.

In my state, the law is such that reunification is almost always the plan for the first 15 months. After that, they may change the plan to adoption, but they can also get an extension and leave the children in foster care with the label "reunification" for an extended amount fo time.

I feel like the siblings in my home will probably be in foster care for another 12 months, which in my opinion, is terrible. The children themselves crave permanancy and no one can give it to them, or tell them when it can happen

mommytoconnor · January 2012

I adopted thru foster care. I rec'd a call about a 3 month old and was told his parental rights had not yet been termintated so it was a high risk situation, but I jumped in with both feet. I brought him home and rights were terminated at 10 months old. His adoption was finalized one week after her had his first birthday. There are so many challenges and the best thing I can tell you is be patient. I waited 4 years to adopt and so you just have to keep the faith and stay strong. It is so rewarding when it finally happens. Also protect your heart a little, things change daily in foster care and you need to be prepared for anything. Good luck.

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