It's funny how life turns out

nmartin1108 · January 2012

So, we were having a pretty good night last night considering our BFN. We went out to dinner (I had a margarita or two) and did some shopping. Came home to a text from my cousin who I am very close to telling me that she is pregnant (I had told her earlier in the day about our bfn). She is fully aware of our trouble TTC, in fact she took me to this last FET, and they were actively trying not to get pregnant because she was scheduled to have gastric bypass in the next month. I'm not angry at her (although talk about really terrible timing...), but I am really struck with how crazy life is.

Here is my cousin and her husband, who already have two kids, one associates degree between the two of them, living just above the poverty line, in their early 20's, actively trying not to get pregnant and they get pregnant on accident. Then there is MH and I, no kids, we own our home, make a good living, both have masters degrees, are 30ish, are doing everything medically possible to get pregnant and nothing. It's almost funny at this point.

We're already signed up for foster care classes in March. We're thinking that maybe that is just the direction we're meant to go in. Maybe God doesn't want us to have a baby in the way we want to have a baby right now. I know that we're in the position to offer a loving home to children who are in need, so maybe that's our calling. Maybe that's why this ultimately all makes sense.

ctbride08 · January 2012

nmartin1108:

Maybe that's why this ultimately all makes sense.

it certainly did for me.

It would drive me crazy trying to make sense of it all - comparing myself to others who where able to get pregnant so easily - until I realized that it doesnt have to make sense. Its biology, chance, and randomness.

But I did always have faith that there was a plan for me. And sure enough, after 2 years of TTC, 2 IVFs, many IUIs, a million tests, and not one reason why we shouldn't be able to get pregnant...we are now planning to adopt the world's most amazing (i'm just a little biased) sibling group. I wouldn't change a thing.

(except maybe getting all that $$$ back! oy)

Kershnic · January 2012

I'm sorry. It's really just simply not fair.

I know that if you want to be parents there will be children out there for you, but I am currently feeling some of your pain and can imagine how much harder it is after everything you two have tried.

It sounds like you have a great attitude despite the understandable frustration, jealousy, and anger. I have been watching a single coworker go through a very unplanned pregnancy....she has done and said so many things that show that she is not financially or emotionally prepared for this, and it's really hard to watch and be the support she needs when it just seems so unfair.

I am thinking about you, and hope that your baby finds you soon, whether through another fertility treatment cycle or through foster care.

lethalmermaid · January 2012

I am sorry for your struggles.

It really isn't fair. When I was taking biology classes in college I was amazed at how completely perfect the circumstances to get pregnant really are and yet unplanned pregnancies happen ALL the time.

Alysia82 · January 2012

I'm sorry...I'm sure that can be frustrating. I spend a lot of time talking to my future baby/child and asking them to give me strength during this process. I have no idea which avenue I take will allow me to be a mother but please don't let me go crazy while walking this road.

TaylorandMel · January 2012

lethalmermaid:
I am sorry for your struggles.

It really isn't fair. When I was taking biology classes in college I was amazed at how completely perfect the circumstances to get pregnant really are and yet unplanned pregnancies happen ALL the time.

This! We've struggled with this for YEARS. We're the last of my 4 siblings to have children. My best example of this "irritation" is my unwed sister who has 3 kids by 3 guys, now engaged to a diff guy and wants him to be the next (4th) father.

We just put our faith in God, prayed alot and believed that he had a plan for us. It's ironic really cuz we're finally pregnant, but it still wasn't what we had planned, since we were each going to have one. I'm totally not complaining, just saying its hard to know God's plan. I hope youre able to expand your family soon, in which ever way it's meant to be. : )

JoySeattle · January 2012

I'm sorry. I know first hand, including recently, how hard it can be to hear pregnancy announcements from others (especially those that are unintended). It's definitely helpful to focus on the other avenues/goals. Everything works out one way or another.

clairmeij · January 2012

I hear you. Both my brother and my sister have had more than one unwanted pregnancy - and now 7 children between them. I have never tried to have a family up until now (I'm 34), but each time it's struck me that I would gladly have swapped 'baby' places with them.

I take comfort in the fact that we are in a position that if (hopefully when) we have our baby that it will be VERY much wanted and welcome in our lives. We're financially stable and have worked to a point in our lives where we can have a baby without worrying - well without worrying about how to feed it. My brother and sister are both younger than me, and have really struggled to make ends meet.

It seems unfair sometimes, but I think we all have our cross to bear....I say this before having tried my first IUI. Give me a few months with no success, and I may be singing a very different song

Good luck to everyone TTC

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