- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
LGBT Parenting
Options
Hi-anyone have older kids? Or kids from a previous het relationship?
Just introducing myself.
I joined the knot/nest as a straight chick......married to a boy and had two beautiful children. I have since figured out I was gay and am separated and in love with a woman.
Everything with ex h is very amicable.....My GF is amazing as well. I know soon enough my children (DD is 4) who love her will want some clarification. We are already far enough in our relationship that she is a major part of their lives. He (ex) loves her so no worries there.
Just nervous that I say all the right things, KWIM?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Hi-anyone have older kids? Or kids from a previous het relationship?
Welcome. I have 5.5y old twin boys (though not from a heterosexual relationship.)
Just be honest with your DD. Good luck!
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
Thanks girls!
What have you said to your kids, if anything, about the fact that you love women, or a particular woman?
TIA
I don't say anything unless prompted by the kids but when they do ask I explain that some women love women, some men love men, and some men and women love each other and there is nothing wrong with loving either a man or a woman as long as you are treated with respect and love by that person. I've explained to our oldest some of the reasons I love my wife (she is respectful, affectionate, loyal, funny, etc.) but I think if you have a healthy relationship with your partner, it speaks volumes to your kids.
Our oldest has always known me as a lesbian, I ended the relationship with her father before I knew I was pregnant but she has had a relationship with him since the very beginning. I always speak respectfully of her father and have explained why he and I didn't stay together, I don't think she could be happier with the way our family is set up.
Being open but not pushing what you may percieve as an issue (being with a woman) seems to be the best way to handle kids curiosity. Remember, your DD may not even question why you are with a woman.
Two Mommies Healing Hearts
TY butterfly!
What's interesting is while my dd knew her father and I as a couple, she LOVES my GF and I together.....both kids are just so happy when we are all together, as well as when they are with their dad. There is so much love coming from all directions.
Maybe she won't even question it....but I want to be ready.
Welcome!I'm so happy for you that your ex is so welcoming and friendly. That is so terrific for both you and your babies.
Our babies aren't from a previous hetero relationship, but maybe pick up a few books for her to help open the dialogue. I just got Mommy, Mama and Me and its cute (maybe not perfect for your situation, but still), and The Family Book and Tango Makes Three are on my list of book to pick up.
Blogs: Our Growing Family - CT Working Moms
Thanks! I have the Family book!
Have you experienced your kids getting negative messages and if so what do you say?
My heart will break the day my beautiful, sweet DD or DS comes home sad b/c someone makes fun of their family. How do I explain that people are ignorant without validating the ignorant people? just cross this bridge when I come to it?
Our first experience with this was in PK3 when I kid told them they couldn't have two moms. They pretty much just told the kid that they did and then the next time we both went to their school (it was several months later) our kids were quick to point out "SEE????? We have TWO moms." LOL. At their current school (they have been there PK4 and K) an aide told us that she thought some of the older kids in before care/after care have teased the kids for having 2 moms, but the kids deny it. Most of their friends just think it is cool they have two moms and will say, "Hi Carter and Grayson's Two Moms!" LOL.
I am sure the day will come when they get teased/someone will say something. But will be honest with them, acknowledge their feelings, and deal with it as it comes. It also helps that we know several other LGBT families so they know they aren't alone.
Hi,
I have an older DS (11) from a previous het relationship (this is/was also my first same sex relationship). I have to be honest and say he took it extremely hard. Although that may be in part to the lack of a male role model in his life (no relationship with his bio dad) and the fact that he'd been wanting a "dad" for years and years. Your DD is only 4, so I don't anticipate that you will have the same issues.
His friends were ok with it. They didn't tease him that I know of, he did say "everybody thinks it's wrong". He still invited a chosen few to spend the night, so it wasn't as if he was mortified. He did ask us to not be demonstrative at school/rec funtions. It was a point of contention for J , but I felt we could respect his wishes and so we do. I still list J as a guardian, and there is no denying the nautre of our relationship just looking at us, I just don't feel the need for PDA at his school or soccer games.
He loved J in private, but would deny it in public or if anybody asked him about it, i.e. friends, my family, therapists etc. He spent a year wishing she weren't around, wanting things back the way they were (just he and I), etc, etc.
Now we will be facing new issues as J wants to transition. At this point I am worried about what his peers will think or what they will say to him, but that is because trans men are less understood/accepted IMO. My DS is happy that the same sexness of the relationship will be over. But I don't think he fully understands that J isn't going to walk out the door one day and then come back and look/act like a "man". The actual transition part is what worries me. Plus all his friends already know J as female. So my DS essentially has to go through the "coming out" process again.
ANYWAY - I got sidetracked. I think your DD is young enough that you should be just fine. : )
I should also note I'm from N Texas and it is NOT friendly up here, if you know what I mean...
This EXACTLY.
I left DD's dad when she was two (for reasons unrelated to being gay) and she is 5.5 now. In the months that followed as I had time to rediscover myself, I came out. DD will only ever remember me being affectionate with women, she won't remember me being with her dad. She has asked questions along the way about why he and I aren't together and I have always explained as honestly and in simplest terms as is needed for her age. I have always told her that the most important thing is that he and I both love her and will always be her parents. I've had two girlfriends in the past few years and she has never questioned me about them being women. We have the Tango Makes Three (excellent!) and a couple of Todd Parr's books (The Family Book and It's Ok to be Different) and she loves them. I think it's important to just let the questions come as they may and not push things as others have said. Good luck and feel free to hang around and ask more questions!