Me = overthinking again?

schmoodle · January 2012

I think the receptionist at the pediatrician's office is convinced I'm a loon, LOL

Tomorrow is our appt with Toodle's pedi to talk about some of the behavior concerns I've mentioned here previously. I'm 95% confident he'll just say Toodle is being a typical willful 2-3 year old, albeit on the more pronounced end of the range of "normal" as far as his behaviors in this regard.

To that end, assuming that everything is "typical" (or even if it's not - and maybe even more importantly if it's not), I don't want Toodle listening to me talk to a doctor for 15-20 minutes about how out of control he is, how I'm concerned about his behavior, that we worry whether he is typical or has some areas of developmental concern, etc. I don't want him internalizing that and, with his limited ability to understand these concepts, thinking that Mommy and Daddy say something is wrong with him or that he's being "bad" or anything along those lines. So I called to express this worry and ask what the typical routine is for these types of appts and if DH can play with him in the waiting room while I talk to the doctor, and then let him come in and talk to the dr. as needed after I voice the concerns. The receptionist said it was fine but I could tell she'd never had a similar request and was a bit confused.

So, am I just the paranoid lady as usual?

ETA: In case anyone would argue that he wouldn't get it - he definitely would. He's extremely attuned to others' emotions, attitudes towards him, etc. and what we say. If I'm even slightly irritated with him he can sense it, if I say something to DH not thinking about it he'll repeat it days later and rephrase it in such a way that shows he isn't just regurgitating, but heard and digested a concept and is testing out that concept.

dana316 · January 2012

I think you are doing the right thing...I wouldn't want Caroline hearing all that...she is sharp as a tack, and I bet she'd pick up a lot of it.

Kids absorb way more than what we give them credit for, I think...I'd leave him in the waiting room with DH for sure.

Mouseygail · January 2012

dana316:
I think you are doing the right thing...I wouldn't want Caroline hearing all that...she is sharp as a tack, and I bet she'd pick up a lot of it.

Kids absorb way more than what we give them credit for, I think...I'd leave him in the waiting room with DH for sure.

Ditto...I don't think I'd want to have that conversation around my DS NOW, let alone when he's Toodle's age.

JillRock96 · January 2012

dana316:
I think you are doing the right thing...I wouldn't want Caroline hearing all that...she is sharp as a tack, and I bet she'd pick up a lot of it.

Kids absorb way more than what we give them credit for, I think...I'd leave him in the waiting room with DH for sure.

I agree. From a fellow mom perspective, Ava would pick up on so much of that conversation and would bring it up for months later.

From a professional perspective, I can tell you that we don't allow students into their special ed meetings until high school (mayyyybe middle school), and even then, it is difficult at times to frame the assessment results in a way that they will understand, without simply listing off their limitations. It is difficult for them, even as adolescents, to sit in a room and have people talk about the areas in which they struggle and what is "wrong" with them.

mrsolsenk12 · January 2012

I agree with you. I wouldnt want hayden there either. They understand more than we think sometimes. Your plan sounds good to me.

cjsbdl · January 2012

I think you're absolutely right about this. I wouldn't want to discuss such things in front of my children, either. In fact, our MDO program has a policy that behavior issues, etc, are not to be discussed in the presence of children. They understand so much more even than we realize.

CBL · January 2012

If it was me on the phone, I wouldn't be taken aback that you didn't want him in the appointment, rather I'd be taken aback that you called in advance to see if it was okay for him to sit in the waiting room with his father.

Kids and their parents or caregivers stay in the waiting room all the time. She's probably very busy and felt it was an unnecessary question. I don't meant to be harsh - just my perspective. Wanting him to sit out of the appointment is perfectly reasonable. Calling the receptionist to talk to her in advance about that is overkill

GypsyEsq · January 2012

Not at all overthinking it. IME kids don't sit it in the waiting room at the pedi's office since it's after all the pedi. So while I don't think your request is unusual I do think it warrants a "heads up call" before hand. But ya, anyway, I think it makes perfect sense that you don't want Toodle to hear this because really the chances that he will demonstrate the behaviors you have concerns about are so slim that the only way to impress upon your pedi the seriousness of your concerns is to have a serious adult conversation.

newsbaby · January 2012

I think this is an entirely normal request. Good luck at the appt!

Dr.Loretta · January 2012

CBL:
If it was me on the phone, I wouldn't be taken aback that you didn't want him in the appointment, rather I'd be taken aback that you called in advance to see if it was okay for him to sit in the waiting room with his father.

Kids and their parents or caregivers stay in the waiting room all the time. She's probably very busy and felt it was an unnecessary question. I don't meant to be harsh - just my perspective. Wanting him to sit out of the appointment is perfectly reasonable. Calling the receptionist to talk to her in advance about that is overkill

This

alchris · January 2012

I agree with you 100%.

And I've had the same experience professionally as JillRock, though I've always worked with elem and middle, so students didn't attend.

Kira doesn't even attend her own basic school conferences, and they're 90% positive. I just don't want to have to watch what I say -- the entire point is to be open with everyone, you know?

Good luck!!!

schmoodle · January 2012

CBL:
If it was me on the phone, I wouldn't be taken aback that you didn't want him in the appointment, rather I'd be taken aback that you called in advance to see if it was okay for him to sit in the waiting room with his father.

Kids and their parents or caregivers stay in the waiting room all the time. She's probably very busy and felt it was an unnecessary question. I don't meant to be harsh - just my perspective. Wanting him to sit out of the appointment is perfectly reasonable. Calling the receptionist to talk to her in advance about that is overkill

Not harsh at all - in any case, I wasn't calling because I didn't know if it was ok generally for DH to sit with him in the waiting room, more because I didn't know if that was inconsistent with the intent of this type of appointment since we've never done this before.

emmyloustu · January 2012

Totally on the same page with you & I applaud you for even thinking about it. I'm not sure it would have dawned on me until I was already involved in the convo with pedi. Good luck at your appt!

nicolita14w · January 2012

I think it makes a lot of sense and who cares what they think? It's the right decision. Good for you for wanting to do what's right for Toodle!

nicolita14w · January 2012

p.s. Also wanted to say that although I wasn't able to respond to your post the other day about Toodle's behavior issues, that I don't think he has any sort of underlying disorder. Sounds like pretty normal 2.5 year old with a new sibling behavior to me. Not fun at ALL, but I really think he is fine and just going through an acting out phase.

choco_lab · January 2012

Good move to not have him in the roOm for that discussion, they definitely hear everything. But I'd have them wait in the car! Pedi waiting office = gross!!! Let us know how it goes...

sasa625 · January 2012

I definitely agree that he should not be there during the discussion! DD knows when I'm talking about her (even if it's just telling DH about a cute thing she did) and will stop what she's doing and watch us. We really try not to talk about her while she's around (unless it's praising her). I don't think there was anything wrong with calling to check on that and thinking ahead.

Waiting4baby08 · January 2012

I would do the same thing. Gwen would absolutely understand what we are saying and I'd be worried about how she would interpret the words into her own little mind. Who cares if the nurse has never heard the request, your child is more important than her eye rolling or reaction. Good luck, I'm sure you are nervous enough about everything. I will be thinking of you.

etoyama · January 2012

I would absolutely do the same thing! Absolutely. Who cares if they think it's weird. Toodle is the person of importance here. I hope you get some good, helpful answers.

skoorbnibor · January 2012

i would do the same thing. Kids DO hear everything, and he would also read the worry in your voice

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