Spanking- poll

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt · January 2012

100% just curious. We had a conversation about spanking at a family party last night and I wanted to see where everyone stood with their LOs.

Obviously moms of teeny tinys- just your opinion for the future is fine.

Feel free to explain your choice.

[Poll]

xKimx · January 2012

I voted no. It goes against our parenting style & beliefs & I think the harm outweighs the effect.

TinyPinkBug · January 2012

No. Absolutely not. I was spanked as a child and it just made me better at lying and pleading. DH feels the same way. Being punished by getting sent to your room or losing a something is feels crappy and forces you to reflect, but spanking invokes fear of being caught.

MsZoeB · January 2012

I might smack his hand away from a dangerous situation like reaching for the stove but this would be an extreme case. I would rather teach appropriate behavior with other methods like timeout.

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt · January 2012

I'm a spanker but only as a very last resort. 99% of the time Justin will respond to a threat/trip to the Naughty Corner or I just have to do the "I'm going to count to 3..."

jewelsonu · January 2012

I have spanked Ethan b/c of biting but it was a reflex. I felt horrible about it. In my opinion I think it teaches a double standard. Why is it ok to spank when there is an unwanted behavior but it is not ok for him to hit me when he doesn't get his way? I also don't want the kids to ever think it is ok to hit anyone.

We were spanked as kids and I have been slapped across the face for talking back. I don't want the kids to fear us or for us to cause harm to them. Right now the counting to 3 is really working. Sometimes it back fires and ethan asks me to count to 3 before I take something away from him

EJDIII · January 2012

"In my opinion I think it teaches a double standard. Why is it ok to spank when there is an unwanted behavior but it is not ok for him to hit me when he doesn't get his way? I also don't want the kids to ever think it is ok to hit anyone. "

This- exactly how I feel too, Jewels.

cm2007 · January 2012

We have on occasion. We try to use it as a last resort and when we want her not to do something dangerous. Abby use to run past my car and out into our parking lot. She did this when we would walk to my car to leave or when playing outside. Telling her no or bringing her inside didn't work. We tried these things for over a month. The only thing that did work was spanking her.

lawells15 · January 2012

It's interesting you posted this. My DH and I have a very different view on spanking. I can remember the times in my life I got swatted and I deserved it and at the time it was effective, with that being said there were three times my parents ever did it.

I love my husband dearly but threatening spanking and spanking I feel is the lazy way out and is a double standard. You can't say "don't hit" and then hit a child on the butt.

Time out is time consuming and frustrating but it works. I've been working on DH to stop threatening a spanking. I'm really not sure where he got that from, his parents maybe? But it's not ok in my book. We are still learning and these Terrible Twos are challenging times.

MelissaSue81 · January 2012

There isn't an option that quite fits. I haven't, and don't KNOW if I ever will, but I wouldn't go as far as to say "No, I would never". If it did, it would have to be for a VERY serious offense.

sunnygirl05 · January 2012

I've never done it and I don't believe in it. It would go against what I'm trying to teach my boys.

jnk062602 · January 2012

We do when it is something that can hurt her. If it is something like her climbing on the kitchen table, she gets a warning first and then if she doesnt correct herself a spanking. If its an immediate danger she doesn't get a warning - like when she ripped her hand out of mine and started to run away from me in the parking lot.

For just regular day to day stuff - like misbehaving we do redirection, counting to 3, losing something or time outs depending on the issue.

June4bride2be · January 2012

jewelsonu:
I have spanked Ethan b/c of biting but it was a reflex. I felt horrible about it. In my opinion I think it teaches a double standard. Why is it ok to spank when there is an unwanted behavior but it is not ok for him to hit me when he doesn't get his way? I also don't want the kids to ever think it is ok to hit anyone.
We were spanked as kids and I have been slapped across the face for talking back. I don't want the kids to fear us or for us to cause harm to them. Right now the counting to 3 is really working. Sometimes it back fires and ethan asks me to count to 3 before I take something away from him

This is my take as well.....I just could never lay a hand on my child. How on earth do you teach them that they can't put their hands on anyone like that and then go and spank/slap them? I was spanked a few times as a child....it did nothing but teach me not to get caught.

If he does something dangerous, I pull him from the situation and tell him what could have happened. This alone has made him cry and he understands. Causing him pain to stop him from getting hurt? That doesn't make sense.

BethPSU · January 2012

I tried spanking Reed once and he thought it was hilarious. He was genuinely laughing and I decided it wasn't going to work for us. Later that day I heard him playing with his toys and saying things like "you're being naughty. I am going to spank you". Time out and counting to 3 seem to work best for us at the moment.

sommerblondie · January 2012

For me it depends on the child. I will not spank my child(ren) but I believe that every child is different and what works for one may not work for another...so while time outs and other methods will be used first and foremost to discipline my child I am not opposed to spanking if nothing else seems to be working.

TinaL99 · January 2012

MelissaSue81:
There isn't an option that quite fits. I haven't, and don't KNOW if I ever will, but I wouldn't go as far as to say "No, I would never". If it did, it would have to be for a VERY serious offense.

I feel this way, too. DH & I differ on spanking. I was never spanked (my sister was though) but DH was and he feels now that it was effective. We talk about it a lot to make sure we're on the same page. We won't spank out of anger or b/c one of the girls hit. It will most likely be reserved for very serious situations. I'm hoping it never happens but I can't say never.

Telyco · January 2012

June4bride2be:
jewelsonu:
I have spanked Ethan b/c of biting but it was a reflex. I felt horrible about it. In my opinion I think it teaches a double standard. Why is it ok to spank when there is an unwanted behavior but it is not ok for him to hit me when he doesn't get his way? I also don't want the kids to ever think it is ok to hit anyone.
We were spanked as kids and I have been slapped across the face for talking back. I don't want the kids to fear us or for us to cause harm to them. Right now the counting to 3 is really working. Sometimes it back fires and ethan asks me to count to 3 before I take something away from him
This is my take as well.....I just could never lay a hand on my child. How on earth do you teach them that they can't put their hands on anyone like that and then go and spank/slap them? I was spanked a few times as a child....it did nothing but teach me not to get caught.
If he does something dangerous, I pull him from the situation and tell him what could have happened. This alone has made him cry and he understands. Causing him pain to stop him from getting hurt? That doesn't make sense.

Yeah....all that. I don't get how hitting kids is supposed to teach them anything but it's ok to hit. I don't think it does irreparable harm or anything (well unless you are talking beating) but I won't do it because I don't think one human hitting another is ok- unless it is self defense.

wendyj · January 2012

I don't do it. It would totally negate my saying, "I know you're angry, but you don't hit." I had to explain all of this to my husband a few months ago when I saw him spank Ian one day. Thankfully, DH saw where I was coming from. I think it's really hard to really know what we're going to do since many of us on here grew up in a time when it was considered OK to spank.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2012

This is probably going to be an u/o...

I grew up down south where everybody whoops (spanks) their kids. My brother was actually pretty good and very rarely got in trouble period. I, on the other hand was a little hellion and I don't think that anything short of a spanking would have gotten the point across with me. My parents tried time outs, taking away toys/priveleges, soap in the mouth, etc) I was mouthy and loud and stubborn and quite frankly, needed a good butt whooping every once in a while. I think I turned out pretty ok.

I do not plan to use spankings as liberally as my parents did... but I see no problem with using them as a last resort of sorts- in particular when whatever my child is doing is very dangerous and potentially harmful (ie. running out into the street). For behavioral issues, I plan to use time outs, counting down, other punishments... but for safety issues or if all other means have failed, my LO will likely end up with a swat on the tush. If I do spank, I plan to set them down a few minutes later and ask them if they understand why they were spanked so it just doesn't seem like they are being swatted as a knee-jerk reaction. I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

I think it really depends on the child and what they are responsive to. I pray every day that my children are better/easier to deal with than I was and spankings won't be necessary... (my parents biggest line to me as a teenager was "I hope you have children just like you.".... scares the hell out of me)

ETA: I want to add that I am not the one who checked off "often"... I honestly hope I don't have to spank at all, but I definitely can't say never.

June4bride2be · January 2012

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones Stick out tongue

TinyPinkBug · January 2012

June4bride2be:

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones

I am 100% against spanking for various reasons. While I am very much on the side of it depends on the kid for a lot of things, spanking is NOT one of them. I am surprised this post didn't turn into spanker-gate 1012, LOL. But I give M&K the benefit of the doubt on this post because she is reporting on her experiences and has yet to meet her baby and feel that love and feeling of protector we can only know once we become MOM. Check back on this issue in a year, see if her thoughts have changed.

Now, I would love to know who spanks often but didn't want to identify themselves and state their reasoning. I think parents who spank just need more support from friends and some alternatives when they get angry.

jnk062602 · January 2012

TinyPinkBug:
June4bride2be:

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones

I am 100% against spanking for various reasons. While I am very much on the side of it depends on the kid for a lot of things, spanking is NOT one of them. I am surprised this post didn't turn into spanker-gate 1012, LOL. But I give M&K the benefit of the doubt on this post because she is reporting on her experiences and has yet to meet her baby and feel that love and feeling of protector we can only know once we become MOM. Check back on this issue in a year, see if her thoughts have changed.

Now, I would love to know who spanks often but didn't want to identify themselves and state their reasoning. I think parents who spank just need more support from friends and some alternatives when they get angry.

Spankergate or not... Spanking is one of those things that people who do feel fine with it and people who don't feel like they are in the right. It's not going to change what people do and feel. It would be like a CIO poll and post, or formula feeding or circumcision.

I clicked occasional, but I doubt many people who already had their kid, felt the love, and then decided to push that love aside and inflict pain because they don't know what else to do or where else to turn in their anger is going to respond here/ Since that is how all spankings are.

Or maybe an open handed spank on the bottom when the parent is NOT angry and sitting down and talking to the kid just gets the point across that this is serious and it does work with that kid. Heck, I burp Clayton with the same force I use on Ellie's butt. Maybe it is the huge range of spankings that get people up in arms about it - like using hairbrushes, belts, whatever.

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt · January 2012

jnk062602:
TinyPinkBug:
June4bride2be:

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones

I am 100% against spanking for various reasons. While I am very much on the side of it depends on the kid for a lot of things, spanking is NOT one of them. I am surprised this post didn't turn into spanker-gate 1012, LOL. But I give M&K the benefit of the doubt on this post because she is reporting on her experiences and has yet to meet her baby and feel that love and feeling of protector we can only know once we become MOM. Check back on this issue in a year, see if her thoughts have changed.

Now, I would love to know who spanks often but didn't want to identify themselves and state their reasoning. I think parents who spank just need more support from friends and some alternatives when they get angry.

Spankergate or not... Spanking is one of those things that people who do feel fine with it and people who don't feel like they are in the right. It's not going to change what people do and feel. It would be like a CIO poll and post, or formula feeding or circumcision.

I clicked occasional, but I doubt many people who already had their kid, felt the love, and then decided to push that love aside and inflict pain because they don't know what else to do or where else to turn in their anger is going to respond here/ Since that is how all spankings are.

Or maybe an open handed spank on the bottom when the parent is NOT angry and sitting down and talking to the kid just gets the point across that this is serious and it does work with that kid. Heck, I burp Clayton with the same force I use on Ellie's butt. Maybe it is the huge range of spankings that get people up in arms about it - like using hairbrushes, belts, whatever.

Well said. I voted "occasionally" and fessed up but I don't blame frequent-spanker for not coming out. Some posts make it seem like a swat on the tush is like holding a child down and burning them with hot pokers.

TinyPinkBug · January 2012

MrsWhiteonWhiteSt:
jnk062602:
TinyPinkBug:
June4bride2be:

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones

I am 100% against spanking for various reasons. While I am very much on the side of it depends on the kid for a lot of things, spanking is NOT one of them. I am surprised this post didn't turn into spanker-gate 1012, LOL. But I give M&K the benefit of the doubt on this post because she is reporting on her experiences and has yet to meet her baby and feel that love and feeling of protector we can only know once we become MOM. Check back on this issue in a year, see if her thoughts have changed.

Now, I would love to know who spanks often but didn't want to identify themselves and state their reasoning. I think parents who spank just need more support from friends and some alternatives when they get angry.

Spankergate or not... Spanking is one of those things that people who do feel fine with it and people who don't feel like they are in the right. It's not going to change what people do and feel. It would be like a CIO poll and post, or formula feeding or circumcision.

I clicked occasional, but I doubt many people who already had their kid, felt the love, and then decided to push that love aside and inflict pain because they don't know what else to do or where else to turn in their anger is going to respond here/ Since that is how all spankings are.

Or maybe an open handed spank on the bottom when the parent is NOT angry and sitting down and talking to the kid just gets the point across that this is serious and it does work with that kid. Heck, I burp Clayton with the same force I use on Ellie's butt. Maybe it is the huge range of spankings that get people up in arms about it - like using hairbrushes, belts, whatever.

Well said. I voted "occasionally" and fessed up but I don't blame frequent-spanker for not coming out. Some posts make it seem like a swat on the tush is like holding a child down and burning them with hot pokers.

My intent on that post was actually to defend K&M since she doesn't have an outside baby and her thoughts on spanking may change when LO arrives. I think I missed the mark. I also left out a very important word in my second ph, I meant parents who spank OFTEN. I can disagree but understand occasional spanking, but a frequent spanker I think needs more support in parenting. Of course, there is also the definition of frequent. In this case, I think of someone spanking their kid at least once a day or more.

kevinandmonica2011 · January 2012

TinyPinkBug:
MrsWhiteonWhiteSt:
jnk062602:
TinyPinkBug:
June4bride2be:

kevinandmonica2011:
I want them to understand that the consequence (from mommy) for running out into the street physically hurts... just like the consequence for running out into the street and me not catching them could physically hurt (make sense?)

Make sense? No

I could never physically hurt my child....or anyone for that matter (unless someone did harm to me or mine in my home, well heck.....I would shoot them but that is way different).

I don't believe the possibility of pain should be taught with pain. I would also never let him purposefully touch something hot to teach him what a burn would feel like.

I apologize if I am off base and way off the point....I will blame it on hormones

I am 100% against spanking for various reasons. While I am very much on the side of it depends on the kid for a lot of things, spanking is NOT one of them. I am surprised this post didn't turn into spanker-gate 1012, LOL. But I give M&K the benefit of the doubt on this post because she is reporting on her experiences and has yet to meet her baby and feel that love and feeling of protector we can only know once we become MOM. Check back on this issue in a year, see if her thoughts have changed.

Now, I would love to know who spanks often but didn't want to identify themselves and state their reasoning. I think parents who spank just need more support from friends and some alternatives when they get angry.

Spankergate or not... Spanking is one of those things that people who do feel fine with it and people who don't feel like they are in the right. It's not going to change what people do and feel. It would be like a CIO poll and post, or formula feeding or circumcision.

I clicked occasional, but I doubt many people who already had their kid, felt the love, and then decided to push that love aside and inflict pain because they don't know what else to do or where else to turn in their anger is going to respond here/ Since that is how all spankings are.

Or maybe an open handed spank on the bottom when the parent is NOT angry and sitting down and talking to the kid just gets the point across that this is serious and it does work with that kid. Heck, I burp Clayton with the same force I use on Ellie's butt. Maybe it is the huge range of spankings that get people up in arms about it - like using hairbrushes, belts, whatever.

Well said. I voted "occasionally" and fessed up but I don't blame frequent-spanker for not coming out. Some posts make it seem like a swat on the tush is like holding a child down and burning them with hot pokers.

My intent on that post was actually to defend K&M since she doesn't have an outside baby and her thoughts on spanking may change when LO arrives. I think I missed the mark. I also left out a very important word in my second ph, I meant parents who spank OFTEN. I can disagree but understand occasional spanking, but a frequent spanker I think needs more support in parenting. Of course, there is also the definition of frequent. In this case, I think of someone spanking their kid at least once a day or more.

I do not have a baby of my own yet, so I certainly cannot speak from my own parenting experience, but I can speak from my own experience as a child. I do not think that it is ok to physically hurt people and did not grow up- as a result of spanking- to be a violent baby beating criminal who thinks that violence is the answer to all of life's problems. "Spankings" should not physically hurt the child. It is more the sense of shock and hurt pride that makes the punishment effective- not physical pain. - I should have worded that better. They are not meant to inflict physical pain. My parents did not beat me, did not use belts or what not. The spankings (from what I recall) did not hurt and I even remember my mom crying when she spanked me (said "This hurts me more than it hurts you")... I would never physically inflict pain on my child and I do not think spankings- as a punishment- should be painful. Like one of you said, you probably burp your baby with more force than a swat on the tush.

I hope that I have a child who responds to time outs or other means of punishment, but I can honestly say that was not me.

A typical interaction with me as a child: does something bad (hits little brother or runs away from mom at the mall or slams my door, one of my favorite things to do) "Monica, do not do x,y,z" does x,y,z "Monica, do not do x,y,z" does x,y,z and laughs. "MONICA, do not do x,y,z" continues to do x,y,z "Monica, if you do x,y,z one more time, you are going to go to time out"... does x,y,z and goes to time out. After time out (or gets up from time out), repeats x,y,z "Monica, if you do x,y,z one more time, you will not be able to play with your Barbie" repeats x,y,z and mom takes Barbie. Throws tantrum, repeats x,y,z (now just to be a little pita) "Monica, if you do x,y,z one more time, you are going to get a spanking." looks at mom, laughs, does x,y,z. Mom spanks me and I run to my room and cry for a while. Honest to God, I don't know how my parents didn't kill me. I was a little heathen. I really hope my kids are nothng like me OR if they are, I can somehow find the skills to become the super passive barely-raises-her-voice mother that is expected, but realistically, I see this being me- and I see nothing wrong with the way my mother handled me. I don't know what else she could have done with me.

I have a good friend whose parents never laid so much as a finger on her, but did far more damage verbally than all of my spankings combined times a million. A swat on the tush pales in comparison to the pain a parent can cause with some harsh words... but then again no one seems to debate yelling with such vgior.

I think we should agree to disagree on this and I really don't think that parents who do spank (or may possibly in the future) should be made to feel like any less of a parent than those who are able to effectively punish their children with other means. Unless the parent is physically abusing, injuring, hurting ,etc the child I see this as much of a matter of personal preference/choice as whether or not you breastfeed, circumcise or SAH. As long as the child grows up well behaved, respectful and kind does how we get there (as long as no one is hurt or abused- physically or emotionally) matter?

Sigmabella · January 2012

I am one of the few parents here who is probably all for spanking.

Like a previous post from someone else on the board I was spanked growing up and think that I really helped to keep my sister and I respectful/healthy fear of our parents.

This being said I am carful to not spank my son when I am angry over tired or aggervated. I know that everyone opnions are mixed but I try to use spanking for very dangerous acts or as a last resort.

And by spanking I mean a slap on the backside.

Also for Dangerous acts I think knowing limits and being spanked can keep children safe. Several parents on my street have a spanking line on the driveway to keep their little kids out of the street. I have seen that work wonders.

All is it takes is once for a child to run into the street when a car is coming for something horrible to happen. I would rather my son know that no, or stop means no without logic or questioning or thinking about why because of this.

I am also for Discipline... which people seem to forget is a good thing for everyone. Discipline is not punishment but teaching. Think of Disciples.

In our house we use many types of Discipline the least used is spanking.

I hope that this makes sense to some parents.

several of my friends think we are too strict in our house but I each time i hear things that my friends kids do to other kids, siblings and household items I am glad I am strict.

I think Each family needs to find its own style of discipline.

Most Anti spanking reasearch is against spanking because most parents do it angry or aggervated...That can lead to child abuse...on the side of caution they say no spanking. Hand in hand with this comes verbal and mental abuse.

I thnk parents have to learn limits before saying yes or no to spanking or not.

My DH was 100% against spanking and now thinks spanking in the right circumstances can be helpul.

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