Advice Needed on MIL
stephnchris13
member
I hate to ask for advice on here and post another MIL vent since I don't post a lot (and when I do this is usually the topic) however, DH is mad at me right now and I don't know what to think about what happened last night...
DH and I went to a birthday dinner for a friend last night so my MIL watched DD while we were gone. When we went to pick her up I found her sleeping on a throw pillow on top of the couch with nothing beside her to prevent her from falling onto the floor. MIL's excuse was that "she liked it" so she wanted to leave her there. I was pretty upset since I figured it would be common sense that you don't do that to a baby, but I tried to be nice to her since DH really wants me to try and patch things up with her after a few instances where she offended and hurt me very badly when DD was born. I figured I would talk to DH about it and next time she babysits we would bring the Rock & Play and tell her not to lay her on the couch like that. I mentioned it to DH tonight and he told me that I am just picking on his mom because we haven't been getting along lately and that I don't want her babysitting anymore. He says that I shouldn't be worried about DD falling anyways because she hasn't rolled yet and I told him that she throws her body around a lot when she's sleeping and she could roll/fall at any time, especially if she's laying on a fluffy couch pillow. Honestly I can't even believe he would defend her doing anything that could harm our child (please no flaming him because he really is a great dad. He just wants me to get along with his mom). Maybe I'm overreacting, but I feel like I need to stand up for DD and make sure she's safe even if it means his mom and I will never get along.
Re: Advice Needed on MIL
I think your idea of bringing a PNP or RNP along is great. In my opinion you are not overreacting at all and I would be very upset about that too. I don't think you necessarily have to get along with your MIL either. Obviously you want your husband to be happy and you want your daughter to know and love her grandma so its good that you let her watch her, but only if you know that she is being well taken care of. You can be polite and respectful to eachother but don't have to actually "get along" - thats what my husband and I basically agreed to and its been working for me.
Couple things, first, my LO just start rolling a couple days ago, out of not where! so they can start rollings at anytime.
so ya, I would be upset.
second, my SIL left DD#1 on the sofa once while watching her and she rolled off, and I was pissed, she was fine, but still.
so yea and can happen and I think your DH should back you up.
next time I would bring the PNP and tell your MLF DD is rolling, even if she is not.
I agree with pps about you bringing the rnp being a good idea/ compromise.
I definitely understand you being upset.. I probably would too. But there have been many times dd took a nap on the couch (I'm sitting right next to her) so maybe it was like that? Either way, I still might be annoyed w/ mil because I think it's ok if I'M watching her but trust no one else (I realize it's not rational for it to be ok if I do it but no one else, and don't care that's just how it is)
"What did my fingers do before they held you? What did my heart do with it's love?"
Here's my theory on IL relationships. I compromise and/or cave to most issues. They are DH's parents and I should respect them. I am lucky in that my IL's are not that unreasonable.
That being said, all bets are off when it comes to my child. This is my child and they should respect that the same way I respect that they are DH's parents. I carried her for 9 months, I care for her on a daily basis, I am her mother. You can offer me your advice if you'd like, but at the end of the day she is my responsibility and I will do whatever I think is in her best interest.
From that, I'm sure you can see that I would have been livid with my MIL if she left DD on a pillow on the couch. When my DD rolled over for the first time, we didn't expect it. So even if your daughter wasn't rolling over at the time, it's not unreasonable that she would start at any time. So, no, I don't think you're overreacting. I think you're being very diplomatic by speaking to DH about it instead of confronting your MIL directly and finding a compromise. Quite frankly, if your MIL gets all huffy if you suggest she use the RnP, she is being unreasonable.