Military Families
jessicap70486
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Vent-I know by comparisson its petty but ....
jessicap70486
member
Ok, I know military SO's all over the world have had to deliver their babies by themselves while their soldier is deployed. BUT Dh is on his dwell time right now, he got back from a year over seas ealier last year, He had to go to JRTC, the week they were leaving they told him he was going. That's when after two years of trying we found out we were pregnant with our LO. He was there helping to train another unit that was deploying. Now, DH came home Thursday and told me that he has to go to JRTC again to help train another unit. This will be during the time we are finding out the gender. 
As the dr's office said that they will only do a scan at my 22 week appt then none after that even after I asked if we could either wait til he got back or do it before. Ugh He will be leaving early next month and then he tells me before he leaves for that he now also has to go back down to fort sam in tx to do some medical training and updating of his licenses. I know its petty compared to all the woman who've had to deliver without their loved one but DANG IT! It sucks! I'm still an emotional wreck sometimes and i'm trying to keep my blood pressure down by not thinking about it but I wanna kick and scream and throw a tantrum...... Ok, fine I guess I'll put my big girl panties back on now
As the dr's office said that they will only do a scan at my 22 week appt then none after that even after I asked if we could either wait til he got back or do it before. Ugh He will be leaving early next month and then he tells me before he leaves for that he now also has to go back down to fort sam in tx to do some medical training and updating of his licenses. I know its petty compared to all the woman who've had to deliver without their loved one but DANG IT! It sucks! I'm still an emotional wreck sometimes and i'm trying to keep my blood pressure down by not thinking about it but I wanna kick and scream and throw a tantrum...... Ok, fine I guess I'll put my big girl panties back on now
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Re: Vent-I know by comparisson its petty but ....
It does suck.
However - the anatomy scan they do at 20 (or in your case 22) weeks is not to find out the gender. It's to check that everything is progressing normally. That's why they can't do it sooner or later, this is the best time to measure that stuff.
Here's an idea. Ask specifically not to be told the gender. Easy peasy, people do this all the time. You can either have them write it down and put it in an envelope and seal it, then the two of you can find out together. Or you can pay for an optional scan from an independent ultrasound place and find out together then.
I live in San Antonio, we have places where you can go on your own and pay out of pocket to get a sonogram and see your baby. Maybe you can do that. My best friend's husband was going to be away when they found out what the gender was so they went a week earlier and found out that way. If you want to find out together you can tell your Dr. you don't want to find out the gender. Then go out on the side when your DH is back and find out together. I have included the link to the place they have here in San Antonio. I know this place is in San Antonio but I just wanted you to see what I am talking about! Good luck!
https://www.babyvisionultrasound.com
Make a pregnancy ticker
I would just get an elective ultrasound. We found out our son was a boy at my 16 week appt so you might be able to see something at this point.
Oh, and my H was able to Skype in for that appt (just so happened he was in between missions thankfully). Is that an option for your H?
My husband was TDY pretty much my entire pregnancy. He was home for the last month. He was even TDY when I got pregnant (I was visiting him at the school he was at). He was home for something like six weeks the entire time I was pregnant.
So he missed all but the first and the last four appointments. I found out the gender by myself bc my friend's kids were sick. I drove myself to the hospital multiple times bc of preterm labor. Now that the baby is here, I've taken him to all but one doctor's appointment alone, to the ER when he wouldn't stop throwing up, to almost all of my appointments, etc.
BUT (BUT) I have only had the strength to do this bc of the friends I have made here and other places. If I didn't have them, I wouldn't have even made it through the pregnancy (seriously). So make some friends either online or in real life who are in similar situations (Hey, I'm Elaine). Take a class or two at the local community college (tuition assistance for spouses can usually be found on base at the education office).
And since you are recently out of work, just try to enjoy every second with your daughter. There are tons of websites with ideas for cheap/easy projects to do with kids. Go to the zoo and the park. Try to find local farms that have days that they are open to the public. Join a support group for breastfeeding or baby wearing or single wives or find a group of ladies that knit or crochet or sew or quilt or drink coffee.
We had been TTC for 7 years, adopted 2 kids, and he was home on mid-tour leave and got pregnant. Yay! He doesn't have skype, limited to a 20 minute phone call and really all we have is emails on a daily basis. I had to tell him we were expecting over the phone. Totally sucked. I would have loved to see his face.
I record the heartbeat at every appointment. Our first u/s (which it was just a blob) they printed out extra pictures so I could send him. It was really nice of them. He really wanted to know the gender of the baby before Christmas so we opted for the elective u/s ($90). It was so worth it. They made me feel like a princess and the bed was heated and it was awesome. I got tons of pictures and it felt like forever I got to look at her sucking her thumb.
The anatomy scan was a total let down. It was quick, measure, measure, measure and that was it. They diidn't just hang out and let me watch her move or anything. I was so bummed.
He will be back about 6 weeks before the baby is due and we are hoping me and the girls can move up to post before he gets there. *fingers crossed*
So, I feel your pain and it is super lame and I wish no one had to miss such milestones. But, when I start to have a pity party for myself, like you said, I think about the people who had their baby without their husband. I feel like I have no room to complain.
My husband deployed this week. Next week I go in to find out the gender of our baby. The doctor told us that we would be given a copy of the ultrasound footage. I've decided that I will play the ultrasound footage over skype for him, then at the end I will lift my shirt up a tad to expose my baby bump which will have the baby's name written across it: Silas for a boy or Grace for a girl.