XP: gentle discipline question for school aged kid

Re: XP: gentle discipline question for school aged kid

• KateLouise member

  January 2012

  I'm a teacher, and the reason I let parents know when their child is misbehaving, is partly so that they know what is going on. No one wants to hear at the end of the year, "oh yeah your child has done no work all year." But also so that they can back up the appropriate school behaviours in a way they see fit.

  Sometimes I've tried all my teacher tricks and so by contacting home I'm hoping they will have ideas around ways to re-inforce appropriate behaviour.

  If it was my kid misbehaving, and it was a change from their normal behaviour, my first thing would be to have a dialogue with the teacher about what has changed or what might have caused it. Is the work too easy or too hard? Are they having difficulties with another child? Has their friend just left the school? Could their be physical issues like hearing or vision? etc etc etc.

  If I felt confident that there was no external factor and just my kid pushing boundaries, then I would definitely have talks about our expectations for their behaviour at school. If that didn't help improve behaviour then I would put in consequences at home.

  I would try and make these natural consequences though eg. he doesn't complete school work, I would ask teacher to send it home so I could supervise the completion at home.

  He's talking during quiet time, then that becomes something we need to practice doing at home. Nothing makes my students go quiet faster than, "you guys seem to be struggling with how to be quiet. Is that something we need to practice at break time?"

  As a teacher I try and keep my language focused on the importance of the behaviour rather than whether it's good or bad. Talking is extremely valuable to share your ideas. Being able to be quiet to allow others to work is a very important social skill, that shows respect, self-discipline and patience.

  What techniques has the teacher tried? 

  
  Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old

  
  

  
  
  

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• ctgirlingermany

  January 2012

  I agree with the pp.  I also work in a school, and for the most part, this should be dealt with in school.
  But, I would talk to your DS at home about it.  Not punishment, but discuss it with him.  One thing that is important too is that your child knows that you know what's going on in school. This becomes a bigger deal when they are older, but your DS should know that if something happens at school, you will find out about it. 
  
  I would also talk with the teacher though, and ask how they are handling it.  Good luck!

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• citychicks member

  January 2012

  frklsbride:

  if your kid gets in trouble at school, do you think he should also be disciplined at home or should the consequences come from just the teacher?

  ds has been talking a lot in school and has gotten in trouble for it every day this week.  today, the teacher sent a note home saying that he is continuing to talk during work time and he has not been doing what he is told. 

  part of me feels like if he is misbehaving at school, then he should be disciplined at school.  but i also feel like there some consequences at home since she sent the note.  does he need to lose privileges at home because of his behavior at school? is there a gentler way to handle that?

  he has always been the teacher-pleaser!! i have no idea how to handle his being a problem in school! 

  My first thought would be for you to take your son out for ice cream or a steamed milk just the two of you and ask him about what's going on in school. Chances are once you open up that line of communictation he will tell you what's going on and he will probably even be happy to come up with his own corrective action plan. Hope it helps.

  

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