What made you decide to find out or not find out gender?

crystalknpp · January 2012

I know I still have some time to make this decision but DH and I have discussed it a few times this pregnancy and in past pregnancies and still cannot agree. I really want to find out and he wants to be surprised. To top it off both of our families are very old school and pushing that we don't find out. I feel like it's me verses everyone else!

I can see the pros and cons to both but for our first I would really like to know. DH wants to be the one to announce the gender in the delivery room and he's also afraid if we find out we will get a ton of pink or blue that we may not be able to use with our next baby. What made you girls decide?

jen629 · January 2012

The biggest factor for me was that we never knew with the other pregnancies what they were so it was really important for me to know and put a name to her as soon as I could

Pachita · January 2012

I want to prepare myself for a boy or a girl. It'll be so much helpful for the registry, decorating his/her room and no matter what, we'll still be surprised when we find out--we've been wanting a baby for so long, it's only right to know the sex before the baby is born.

jaxie320 · January 2012

I'm such a planner so I needed to know! My dad doesn't want to find out until she is born! I feel like it's a surprise until you find out.

hopefulmom81 · January 2012

jen629:
The biggest factor for me was that we never knew with the other pregnancies what they were so it was really important for me to know and put a name to her as soon as I could

This. To expand a little, DH and I wanted to take every.single.chance to get to know this baby the best we could. God forbid something bad happened, I didn't want to find out the sex in a traumatic way, but in a nice moment shared with DH and I.

We also figured at the 20 week point, it is a nice midway "treat" to look forward to. It is a great moment at 20 OR at 40 weeks, so we just figured we wanted to find out in the middle of a stressful pregnancy for something exciting and then use the birth as the next big exciting thing.

Before my losses, I thought I would be Team Green, but like Jen said, something about not knowing the sex and being able to attach anything specific to the lost babies really made me reconsider.

E3A7AGGIE · January 2012

DH and I had similar discussions; except it was opposite- I was kind of leaning towards not finding out.

But for us, it was more of a "bonding" thing. DH felt like he would be able to bond with baby a lot more before it arrived if he knew the gender, which I completely understand. If men were the one who got pregnant, I'd want to find ways to bond with that baby more.

My mom at first was like, "nooo don't find out! wait!", and I just stuck to my guns. And then she was like 'okay well then I don't want to know then' and I told her, "fine, but you'll be left out of a LOT of things, because everyone else will know, and the shower will be themed around girl/boy, etc". She came around, though, and is really excited.

Plus, you're going to get pink or blue things whether you wait or find out early. People will still buy you clothes & gifts once baby is here that is gender specific. You can always register for gender neutral gear, and what not, because that's the expensive stuff anyways.

We are still 'surprising' family by having our gender reveal party. It's actually TODAY . About 25 of our closest friends & family are coming over and we're going to open a box that will have a pink or blue blanket.

Anyways... such a personal decision, but I think as time goes on, y'all will figure it out!!!!

SCSmithbride · January 2012

We found out with all the previous pregnancies and being this is our last rodeo win or lose I wanted to be surprised. Funny coming from the woman that hates surprises. We have 2 beautiful girls and 1 angel baby boy so I was like let the chips fall where they may and let God's will be done boy or girl I just want a happy baby.

So the girl that hates to be surprised is waiting. I think it's fun now to not know and just know that there is a healthy being growing in there.

lotus88 · January 2012

For me I think it was just curiousity. I couldn't pass up knowing more about LO. After the fact though, I realized how much I had been holding back bonding with LO. Constantly refering to it as "it" (first on purpose to NOT get attached, then because I didn't know what she was). That was a barrier for me. On the one hand I didn't want to put too much stock into the pregnancy, but then I would feel guilty not putting any faith in LO. I felt like he/she deserved its own mom to have faith in it. Of course it terrifies me at the same time, but I find that I talk to her more, plan for her more, talk about her with others (which I had avoided). It allowed me to get excited and bond.

TnG05 · January 2012

With us it was my DH that wanted to find out. He said it would help us pick out names and in the long run it would help me decided what to do with the nursery and everything else. I have to admit he was right.

Just one thing it's not your families decision and IMO they don't get a say.

crystalknpp · January 2012

phancykat:

I didn't want to know because we had an infant loss, and I was very attached to my baby girl, then I didn't get to keep her. I didn't want to get attached again before I knew I was going to be able to bring my baby home. BF on the other hand wanted to know, something about it being more real if he knew, etc. I caved at the last minute at our AS and we found out. I'm glad we did, but I'm also still very scared about the attachment.

ETA: Can you keep a secret? Since you're the only one who wants to know, why don't you find out and just not tell anyone? (Devil's advocate here)

Well see my compromise for DH was that him and I find out and just not tell anyone until baby is born, this way he can still "announce" it to everyone. He said that it wasn't really the same and that there is no way I could keep it quiet. I feel like there isn't an easy solution to this but I need to know. I'm a planner and also with my 3rd loss we found out our baby was a little girl because of genetic testing done after a D&C. I don't want to find out in a sad way. I want to find out in a happy moment and be able to get excited about it. I also think it will help me bond with our little peanut more than not knowing.

noah-bear · January 2012

phancykat:
ETA: Can you keep a secret? Since you're the only one who wants to know, why don't you find out and just not tell anyone? (Devil's advocate here)

^^hehe

We found out with Noah and kept his name a secret. It was something special, just between the two of us and it was ours. This time, we'll find out the gender again and maybe keep the name a secret from IRL friends/Family. I feel it's a good way to bond and prepare.

chloebeth930 · January 2012

I wanted to know and he wanted to know. I didn't care what other people had to say about it . It isn't their baby.

missbryn · January 2012

If you need to know, you should know. Sorry to DHs everywhere, but I think you, the pregnant woman, have final say. Will you be happier and/or less stressed to know? That's super important right now.

We found out with DD because I knew I wanted a daughter "some day" and wanted to know if that was the one. I know, that sounds horrible -- I was just as ready to welcome and love a boy, I just wanted to know if the pressure was off to at some point in my child bearing have a girl. Does that make sense? My mom and I are close, and I wanted reassurance that I could have a mother/daughter relationship with one of my future children. I hope that doesn't sound too shameful -- healthy babies are our goal, not boys or girls . . . but I did have that longing in my heart.

This time around, we're planning on being Team Green. I'll be just as happy with two girls as a girl and boy, and we've already got our gear (mostly neutral). The downside I see now is not planning clothing - but I'll fill his/her drawers with the most gender neutral newborn stuff we have (which is a lot - lots of yellow ducks, and whites), and have a few of my favorite girl things washed and ready, as well as a few boy things from friends. Also, we have a boy name picked out (did before DD's sex was known), so the other "downside" is having to agree on a girl name -- but honestly I find names so much fun I want to do this anyway! And I'd like to have that delivery room moment of DH announcing. But I'm open to changing my mind on this -- a lot of ladies make really good points about knowing sooner and having that time and bond with our LOs.

NY-allie · January 2012

Its a surprise no matter when you find out. We wanted to know with both because it let me decorate the nursery and also get more clothes. Once we knew it was a boy/girl (Boy 1st this one is a girl) we got so many hand-me downs. All of our big stuff is gender neutral so that's not an issue, the only boy/girl stuff we got is clothes. Also we kept their names to ourselves until they were born so DH could announce that.

badtzmaru22 · January 2012

I wanted to know because I wanted to do everything possible to bond with this baby. We found out through genetic testing that our first baby was a girl, and I was glad to know, but it made it more stressful leading up to the a/s, wondering if we'd ever get to bring home a little girl.

I think if you want to know, you should know. You don't have to tell anyone, and what's it to them anyway? Some people act all offended when you find out - like you've ruined a big surprise or something... hello, it's still a surprise when you find out at 20 weeks! Who knows how the delivery is going to go anyway - not everyone gets that movie "It's a boy/girl!!!" announcement moment.

ilenegrace · January 2012

I am just one of those people that HAS to know! But I also really want the surprise factor that I don't really feel we got with my DS. So I am going to do a gender reveal party this time so we can find out before the baby comes but in a really fun and exciting way!

Also we did ALOT of gender neutral stuff with DS with the same idea that we would be able to use the stuff again. Really only works for the big items and toys etc. I wouldn't really worry about clothes too much because there are other factors that come into it like time of year your next child is born, sizes etc. If this baby is in 6mo clothing during the winter and your next one is in 6 mo clothing during the summer you will need to buy new clothes anyways. Just a tip.

mrs.julia.goolia · January 2012

For me, I need to know in order to help me bond with the baby, to pick out a name, to 'know' one part about this baby ahead of time. It helps me enjoy the remaining bit of my pregnancy and I'm a planner, so it just makes me feel better taking one 'unknown' out of the equation when it comes to the labor and delivery experience.

Most people don't regret their choice, no matter which way they go...

ETA: you cannot make this choice based on what your friends/family want for you. It's one of the first times you will have to stick up for your 'parenting' choices but not the last! Do what YOU want to do. Obviously, you have to work it out with DH, though.

And I don't like when people say that you are 'ruining the only surprise left in the world.' Um, we were VERY surprised and incredibly excited when we found out our baby is a girl last week. The way I see it, we get two incredibly special days---the day we find out the gender and of course the day of her birth.

Such a personal decision though. It's fun to read everyone's responses!

ECHC829 · January 2012

hopefulmom81:

jen629:
The biggest factor for me was that we never knew with the other pregnancies what they were so it was really important for me to know and put a name to her as soon as I could

This. To expand a little, DH and I wanted to take every.single.chance to get to know this baby the best we could. God forbid something bad happened, I didn't want to find out the sex in a traumatic way, but in a nice moment shared with DH and I.

We also figured at the 20 week point, it is a nice midway "treat" to look forward to. It is a great moment at 20 OR at 40 weeks, so we just figured we wanted to find out in the middle of a stressful pregnancy for something exciting and then use the birth as the next big exciting thing.

Before my losses, I thought I would be Team Green, but like Jen said, something about not knowing the sex and being able to attach anything specific to the lost babies really made me reconsider.

This is me to a T! I always thought I'd be Team Green, but after the loss I just had to know as much as I could about my baby. I wanted to feel as bonded as possible. I have no regrets.

As for the special moment, we did a private reveal together at home on New Years, so it was a bit more special then an u/s tech sharing the news with us.

sabrina69barnes · January 2012

This a baby #3 for me, #5 for DH, and our last. We found out with all the others and wanted to do something different this time. We decided to find out a few days before our A/S but had planned on being team green. Here are the pros of each for us.

Pros to TG: we'd get a suprise, get to do something different, it might help our family deal with gender disappointment (everyone but us and DS1 wanted a girl), it would give me something to focus on during my c-section.

Pros to TB/P: I have an anterior placenta and was having trouble bonding like I did before, we get to use his name, I get time to get DS2's clothes washed instead of doing it when we get home.

We had leftover gear and other baby things so buying wasn't an issue for us. I tend to like the "neutral" stuff more than the boy stuff because I get sick of all blue so I have plenty of stuff that would have worked if we were having a girl.

damabo80 · January 2012

I had neither the patience nor the inclination to be team green.

Trust me, there were PLENTY of surprises on delivery day. I didn't need one more.

damabo80 · January 2012

Also, register for gender neutral stuff for the big ticket items.

We got a lot of hand me downs that were 100% girl from a friend who had a DD two years before me. If #2 is a boy, he's just going to have to deal with a pink high chair, because I'm cheap, and it's just pink...not like it's covered in poisen ivy

weddedwife · January 2012

We chose not to find out w/ DD. That moment in the delivery room was SO amazing when the Dr. announced, "It's a girl!" I registered for gender neutral stuff.

That said, once she was born EVERYTHING we received and I mean EVERYTHING was pink. The cards, the clothes, the toys, etc. If you don't really want all pink or all blue stuff then maybe you don't want to know?

Here's another thought: can you find out as a couple & keep it a secret? Might be kind of fun...

weddedwife · January 2012

crystalknpp:
phancykat:

I didn't want to know because we had an infant loss, and I was very attached to my baby girl, then I didn't get to keep her. I didn't want to get attached again before I knew I was going to be able to bring my baby home. BF on the other hand wanted to know, something about it being more real if he knew, etc. I caved at the last minute at our AS and we found out. I'm glad we did, but I'm also still very scared about the attachment.

ETA: Can you keep a secret? Since you're the only one who wants to know, why don't you find out and just not tell anyone? (Devil's advocate here)

Well see my compromise for DH was that him and I find out and just not tell anyone until baby is born, this way he can still "announce" it to everyone. He said that it wasn't really the same and that there is no way I could keep it quiet. I feel like there isn't an easy solution to this but I need to know. I'm a planner and also with my 3rd loss we found out our baby was a little girl because of genetic testing done after a D&C. I don't want to find out in a sad way. I want to find out in a happy moment and be able to get excited about it. I also think it will help me bond with our little peanut more than not knowing.

I get this totally. We also didn't know baby's gender when our son was born/died and so that's when we found out. It was crushing.

This is a hard decision to make- I hope you will be pleased with whatever you decide!

csquared426 · January 2012

DH doesn't want to find out, and I do, so we decided to not find out on this one, but we will with the next one.

HBaylies · January 2012

I'm a shop way in advance at cosignment sales events and clearnace racks kinda person. I already have clothes for DS up to 5T and he's only 17 months.

I needed to know so I can use my pro-shopping skills to bea ready with a full wardrobe for baby. I don't like to pay more then $2-3 per piece of clothing. I've never bought something full price. When the season changes, I just pull out the next set of clothes waiting in the closet.

katmacwv · January 2012

I'm a planner, and I prefer gender specific nurseries, so I never even considered not finding out. DH wanted to find out, too, with both pregnancies, so that make the decision simple. DH and I agreed it is a surprise when you find out at the u/s or in the delivery room, so we want to be prepared. In this case, it was great to take DD to the elective gender u/s with us so she could find out at the same time, whereas she won't be in the OR with us when this LO is born.

KelliLynee · January 2012

It seems I'm not the norm here, but DH and I are 100% team green fans. I can see why many of you prefer to find out, but if an expectant parent doesn't feel that strongly about those reasons (planning, knowing ahead of time to feel more connected), then I would strongly strongly recommend waiting until the birth. With all of the endorphins of labor, it was way more than just the icing on the cake. It's a moment that can't be described. Now, I know it is a "surprise" whenever you find out, but I just can't imagine that finding out ahead of time, before you can see and hold and hear your baby can give you that same emotional reaction as right in the moment. Again, I do understand why the other posters want to find out, and each couple should do what is right for them, I just want to share the opinion of someone who has been team green. It's an amazing enough experience that it's worth urging people on the fence to try to wait it out. Also, I got all functional, helpful, and necessary baby items at my shower.( If that's a factor for you). We got just enough gender neutral clothes to get us through but not e overwhelming. And then when DD were born, most family members were excited to buy an outfit or two, and we were gifted an appropriate but no overwhelming amount of adorable girl clothes. Good luck in your decision!

heyyou · January 2012

We have had two surprises. The second one was unfortunately when we were looking at our perfect baby girl's still heart on the u/s. I felt such guilt that I didn't get to celebrate the fact that she was a girl. We bought not one pretty thing for her and that broke my heart. The only thing I got to pick for her was the gown sewn by a church to hold her in.

So this time we are looking for any little positive to get through this pregnancy though I am a bit sad as I did LOVE the surprise !

so we are finding out. We even thought about a reveal party but I don't think I need anyone seeing my reaction as I let it sink in as I am yearning for that girl but will be also happy to give my son a brother.

Mzshell13 · January 2012

I was team green with my son. I kind of wanted to know at the beginning but DH was adament about waiting, so I caved. I'm so glad I did. Like the other "team green"er said, it was the most exhilirating moment in the delivery room when I realized I was about to meet my son or daughter. Gave me the motivation to push. And DH was so proud to announce that it was a boy (even though he froze when he was 1st born and I had to ask him, lol). He said it was something he dreamed about doing forever and I'm glad I gave him that opportunity.

I didn't get a ton of clothes (thank goodness, because I'm picky) but I got EVERYTHING I wanted/needed off my registry. I will be able to use all of it if this next baby is a girl, which was important to me. I was also able to set up his room without using gender neutral colors (which I hate). I just bought 2 separate bed sets (in 2 different colors) and my mom returned the pink one when my son was born. Easy! It was also so hilarious for people to tell me what I was happened like they knew, my family and coworkers even had bets going on.

I want to be team green again this time because it was so much fun, but I'm actually leaning towards finding out. I really want a girl since this may be our last pregnancy, and am worried I'll have an instant of disappointment if it is a boy. I'd rather that not happen in the delivery room. DH will do whatever I want because he got his way last time...it's all about compromise

This is one of the first decisions you and DH will have to make together as parents. Trust that you will get tons of opinions about how to raise your child throughout their childhood, but only you and hubs have the final say.

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