Vent: Some moms of girls don't get it

choco_lab · January 2012

Nothing annoys me more than the mother (or grandmother) of a girl that looks at me and says with pity in her eyes.. "ohhh my" after seeing my active son at play. In this case, it was after a gymnastics class for 2 and 3 year boys and girls.

I wish I could have said this to her face...

Yes, my son is active. He's a typical 2 year old boy. Your daughter happens to like to walk quietly on the balance beam while my son likes to run, jump and roll around. He isn't hurting anyone or causing trouble.. this is just how he learns and explores. Please don't pity me or make it seem like there's something wrong. Because there isn't. This is the life of being a boy's mom and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Vent over.

itsmevkb · January 2012

My little girl is sometimes even more active than my boy. I tend to get comments regarding how hard it must be to have 3 kids, which I'm not saying it's not sometimes challenging, but we wanted it and love it!

Soon2beMrs.Sivert · January 2012

choco_lab:
Nothing annoys me more than the mother (or grandmother) of a girl that looks at me and says with pity in her eyes.. "ohhh my" after seeing my active son at play. In this case, it was after a gymnastics class for 2 and 3 year boys and girls.

I wish I could have said this to her face...

Yes, my son is active. He's a typical 2 year old boy. Your daughter happens to like to walk quietly on the balance beam while my son likes to run, jump and roll around. He isn't hurting anyone or causing trouble.. this is just how he learns and explores. Please don't pity me or make it seem like there's something wrong. Because there isn't. This is the life of being a boy's mom and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Vent over.

I'm afraid I'm one of those moms that doesn't get it. A very good friend of ours has two boys ages 8 and 6 and it was so startling and nerve wracking for us at a recent birthday party. You'd think I'd be used to it because I have 3 younger brothers.

desabean · January 2012

The longer I'm a mother the more aware I am of how different boys and girls are....and I'm slightly scared sh1tless since I'm going to have one ; ) Sorry, hope that doesn't put me in the category you speak of.

I have a friend with a VERY active 4 year old and all of her friends had girls when she had her son and for a long time she was really stressed about his development because she was comparing him to girls who, while not always calm and easy, are just a little different. Finally when he started going to school she realized there wasn't anything wrong, he was just being a boy.

LisaBRM · January 2012

Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

Mrs.Reem · January 2012

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

schmoodle · January 2012

Thank you for posting this. Not sure if you saw the post I made last week (but ultimately deleted) about Toodle's behavior in music class that was so difficult for me but I think part of the issue is there are usually very few, if any, other toddler boys in class so of course he stands out. It's otherwise all girls or infant (or very young toddler) boys. Thanks for making me feel like maybe my boy is just typically rambunctious!

gringa78 · January 2012

Mrs.Reem:

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

This. Being a boy or being a girl doesn't dictate activity level. There are plenty of VERY active little girls and very quiet little boys. Categorizing little girls as quiet and obedient and boys as "ruff and tumble" is stereotypical, in my opinion.

queenbone · January 2012

gringa78:
Mrs.Reem:

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

This. Being a boy or being a girl doesn't dictate activity level. There are plenty of VERY active little girls and very quiet little boys. Categorizing little girls as quiet and obedient and boys as "ruff and tumble" is stereotypical, in my opinion.

I'm going to have to disagree with you to some extent. Boys and girls ARE different. I didn't think so, I thought it was all societal and stereotyping, but since becoming a parent I have come to accept that in nature vs. nurture a lot of the time nature wins.

There are a lot of things my sons do that my sister and I never did as children. Things that my husband and I haven't taught him. Things to which he is just instinctively drawn. It isn't bad. It is just different.

I don't at all think that OP is trying to say that all girls are sugar and spice and a cake walk. Nor that some boys aren't shy and less gregarious. Every child can have traits from both ends of the spectrum. But, more often than not, boys and girls ARE different. And that's totally cool.

LVBlvd · January 2012

I totally agree that boys and girls are different.

gringa78 · January 2012

queenbone:
gringa78:
Mrs.Reem:

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

This. Being a boy or being a girl doesn't dictate activity level. There are plenty of VERY active little girls and very quiet little boys. Categorizing little girls as quiet and obedient and boys as "ruff and tumble" is stereotypical, in my opinion.

I'm going to have to disagree with you to some extent. Boys and girls ARE different. I didn't think so, I thought it was all societal and stereotyping, but since becoming a parent I have come to accept that in nature vs. nurture a lot of the time nature wins.

There are a lot of things my sons do that my sister and I never did as children. Things that my husband and I haven't taught him. Things to which he is just instinctively drawn. It isn't bad. It is just different.

I don't at all think that OP is trying to say that all girls are sugar and spice and a cake walk. Nor that some boys aren't shy and less gregarious. Every child can have traits from both ends of the spectrum. But, more often than not, boys and girls ARE different. And that's totally cool.

This is all based on ancetote. Simply because in your own personal experience, or because you know of an instance or two where this happens to be the case, doesn't mean all boys and girls are different when it comes to behavior. In addition, if you want to dicuss nature vs. nurture, then consider that the "nature" of a lot of girls is to be active and the nature of a lot of boys is to be quiet and parents try to "nurture" them in the opposite direction. I'm not saying that there aren't psychological and physiological differences in boys and girls - there certainly are - however, making gross generalizations based on personal experience isn't the postion to take in this sort of dicussion.

lrrb · January 2012

Haha my little girls are off the chain most of the time. It isn't just little boys who are active haha. Its only SOME children in general I think

.

crystalgirl · January 2012

queenbone:
gringa78:
Mrs.Reem:

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

This. Being a boy or being a girl doesn't dictate activity level. There are plenty of VERY active little girls and very quiet little boys. Categorizing little girls as quiet and obedient and boys as "ruff and tumble" is stereotypical, in my opinion.

I'm going to have to disagree with you to some extent. Boys and girls ARE different. I didn't think so, I thought it was all societal and stereotyping, but since becoming a parent I have come to accept that in nature vs. nurture a lot of the time nature wins.

There are a lot of things my sons do that my sister and I never did as children. Things that my husband and I haven't taught him. Things to which he is just instinctively drawn. It isn't bad. It is just different.

I don't at all think that OP is trying to say that all girls are sugar and spice and a cake walk. Nor that some boys aren't shy and less gregarious. Every child can have traits from both ends of the spectrum. But, more often than not, boys and girls ARE different. And that's totally cool.

I couldn't agree more. Well said! Incidentally, my mom never thought so until my little brother was born. She said boys even make different sounds as newborns, which I've found to be true as well. After raising two girls and having lots of nieces around, she was pretty shocked by my brother's inherent differences.

ladychicago · January 2012

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

Yep, this is Anna. She gives any toddler around her age a run for their money. And we are pretty calm people, so we have no idea where she got it from!

Kristin&Frank · January 2012

I think that all toddlers are bonkers and I'm going to sit here and drink my cosmo. It's been a rough day.

sasa625 · January 2012

It's funny because I have several close friends with 2.5 year old boys and we are in a playgroup with mostly 2-3 year old boys... DD is the most active of them all! Maybe they all just have super calm boys, I don't know... but DD definitely has the most energy!

choco_lab · January 2012

I'm not saying girls are always quiet and sweet and boys are always busy and crazy.

I'm saying that if you are the mother of a quieter girl (or boy) and have never mothered a BUSY toddler boy (or girl).. don't give me a look like I have something to be ashamed about... until you have a very normal, active kid and have walked in my shoes.

(And, in my experience in all the classes I have attended with my DS, it's the boys that are usually running around like lunatics while the girls are well behaved...)

hopecounts · January 2012

I has to explain that this is normal to a friend of mine she and her son came over for a playdate and she kept apologizing for him and I told he he's just a happy normal little boy no worries. She only has a sister so she hasn't been exposed to this.

I don't think much about it when I see this and I certainly don't comment on it, I grew up with 2 older brothers so I'm used to it I guess.

Dochas · January 2012

choco_lab:
Nothing annoys me more than the mother (or grandmother) of a girl that looks at me and says with pity in her eyes.. "ohhh my" after seeing my active son at play. In this case, it was after a gymnastics class for 2 and 3 year boys and girls.

I wish I could have said this to her face...

Yes, my son is active. He's a typical 2 year old boy. Your daughter happens to like to walk quietly on the balance beam while my son likes to run, jump and roll around. He isn't hurting anyone or causing trouble.. this is just how he learns and explores. Please don't pity me or make it seem like there's something wrong. Because there isn't. This is the life of being a boy's mom and I'm perfectly fine with it.

Vent over.

I know I'm going to be constantly telling myself 'this is normal' and alternately praying he's not judged and being furious if someone does. But ultimately - lots of people are just douches. We went to our first music class and they handed Daniel two of those sticks. He came over to me and touched them to the wall and smiled. Then another kid (a little older) took his and started banging them on the wall. And his father immediately said "that's because he saw HIM do it". Right, like a child would never think of tapping sticks on the wall all on his own. Hows about we each say 'oh, no not on the wall' or just STFU?

pandabearlover · January 2012

OP-Betsy was crazy at gymnastics class at almost 3. She wouldn't sit still or follow the directions from the teacher. I was so tired from chasing her after each class.

But, I am probably one of those moms you are talking about. As a mom of girls, one thing I don't like is when the moms of boys use the fact that they are boys to explain their naughty behavior instead of taking action.

Example:

We were outside waiting for music class to start and one little boy starts picking up the fruit that has fallen off the tree and throwing it. It is rotten dirty fruit and the dad looks at me and says, "sorry, he's just such a boy," as his kid keeps throwing fruit, sometimes at other kids and he does nothing to correct the behavior.

Yeah, he got the side-eye for that as I told Carly not to throw fruit.

WillisReincarnated · January 2012

I too believe boys and girls are different. Sure, there are outliers in every situation, but at the core, differences exist. There are several books that discuss it too. Oftentimes, even with active girls, there is a striking difference in the type or manner of activity. as boys mature, society plays a part in the broadening of the differences, but I do believe there is a nature element that exists at birth.

queenbone · January 2012

gringa78:
queenbone:
gringa78:
Mrs.Reem:

LisaBRM:
Wonder what they would think of me as my little girl, who is built like a tank, runs around, climbs on things, jumps, dances, screams like a banshee, etc.....

ditto. I LOVE that my girls give the little boys a run for their money. lol

I don't think girls and boys are all that different. Children in general are just different. Some are quiet and some aren't.

This. Being a boy or being a girl doesn't dictate activity level. There are plenty of VERY active little girls and very quiet little boys. Categorizing little girls as quiet and obedient and boys as "ruff and tumble" is stereotypical, in my opinion.

I'm going to have to disagree with you to some extent. Boys and girls ARE different. I didn't think so, I thought it was all societal and stereotyping, but since becoming a parent I have come to accept that in nature vs. nurture a lot of the time nature wins.

There are a lot of things my sons do that my sister and I never did as children. Things that my husband and I haven't taught him. Things to which he is just instinctively drawn. It isn't bad. It is just different.

I don't at all think that OP is trying to say that all girls are sugar and spice and a cake walk. Nor that some boys aren't shy and less gregarious. Every child can have traits from both ends of the spectrum. But, more often than not, boys and girls ARE different. And that's totally cool.

This is all based on ancetote. Simply because in your own personal experience, or because you know of an instance or two where this happens to be the case, doesn't mean all boys and girls are different when it comes to behavior. In addition, if you want to dicuss nature vs. nurture, then consider that the "nature" of a lot of girls is to be active and the nature of a lot of boys is to be quiet and parents try to "nurture" them in the opposite direction. I'm not saying that there aren't psychological and physiological differences in boys and girls - there certainly are - however, making gross generalizations based on personal experience isn't the postion to take in this sort of dicussion.

Well, I think most of what we all speak of here is anecdotal.

I interpreted this post to be about how when mothers of boys are out with mothers of girls, who either don't know many other children or only have friends with other daughters, sometimes seem surprised when they are around little boys. Perhaps their daughters (and the other girls they know) are less active, less loud, more obedient, whatever but these mothers can sometimes give looks at mothers of boys like we somehow aren't in control of our sons or aren't disciplining them properly. I am all about disciplining my son and teaching what is proper behavior in different environments. I don't let him run around like a crazy person in a restaurant or at church. But when he is in a tumbling class where he is supposed to be getting all his energy out and is not listening to the teacher and is running around screaming "Hi, Harry!" at his best friend while the moms of daughters, who are actively listening to the teacher stare at us, I'm shouldn't need to feel embarrassed. That is what little boys need to do sometimes.

I'm not saying all little girls listen or don't act out or whatever. But almost all my friends have sons and every parent talks about how differently our sons behave in group settings than little girls. I think what the OP's point was, and I agree with her, is that mom's of boys shouldn't feel embarrassed by their son's behavior just because it may be different and more active crazy than some girl's.

WillisReincarnated · January 2012

pandabearlover:
OP-Betsy was crazy at gymnastics class at almost 3. She wouldn't sit still or follow the directions from the teacher. I was so tired from chasing her after each class.
But, I am probably one of those moms you are talking about. As a mom of girls, one thing I don't like is when the moms of boys use the fact that they are boys to explain their naughty behavior instead of taking action.
Example:
We were outside waiting for music class to start and one little boy starts picking up the fruit that has fallen off the tree and throwing it. It is rotten dirty fruit and the dad looks at me and says, "sorry, he's just such a boy," as his kid keeps throwing fruit, sometimes at other kids and he does nothing to correct the behavior.
Yeah, he got the side-eye for that as I told Carly not to throw fruit.

Dude, that's just bad parenting. My son loves to throw stuff, but we have limits.

hannah&ben · January 2012

LOL, you all should have met my daughter when she was a toddler

She was bonkers, as is my current toddler boy. But, my older son was (and still is) the most quiet, obedient, laid back, low key child you'd ever meet. I don't think it's a boy v. girl thing. Just a kid v. kid thing. But I agree that any parent of any 'type' of child really shouldn't assume that just because some other kid doesn't behave the way theirs does that it means it's problematic. Kids are kids! It's not abnormal for them to behave as such!

google123 · January 2012

My son is the calm easy going one, while my daughter is hyperactive, loud and doesn't sit still for a second.

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