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Northern California Babies
Celyn
member
KOTB (was BOTB)
Celyn
member
Feel free to answer either or both questions 
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? If so, how?
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: KOTB (was BOTB)
Great questions Celyn, thanks for doing this!! Looking forward to seeing everyones' answers.
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? If so, how? Yes-- it brought us closer together in the obvious sense of having more intimacy with a new purpose behind it. Even more than that though, seeing how supportive he was when it got stressful at times made the experience more meaningful.
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner? I'm pregnant with our first so I'm not quite sure yet, but we've grown so much as a team during my pregnancy. As sappy as it sounds, every day I think things can't get better with us, and every day they do. I'm really curious to see how things evolve once the little one shows up.
I should answer my own questions
- TTC - I'm too sleep deprived to remember life before kids, so I'm going to have to say, yes TTC changed our relationship, but I have no idea how :P I just remember it being exciting. We had a few miscarriages too, so that was a whole new wrench and a test of how we came together to support each other.
- Life with kids - I think the biggest change is going from enjoying Saturday mornings lounging in bed to being woken up at dawn (and sometimes earlier, even at 6 and 4 years old...) by someone who demands attention now. Those of you with no children, but dogs can still probably relate
It's a rare treat when our relationship gets to be just about us. Fortunately, we matured as parents in ways which allow that to be ok.
NorCalMOMS bio* NorCalBOTB* babywearingBIO
Harmony Doula
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? If so, how? Wow that is a hard question to answer because the changes happened over time. We definatly enjoyed the TTC. We also did not get pg right away which made us more thankful for it when it happened.
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner? Wow I just love watching my dh be a dad. Makes me love him more if that possible. Waiting for this baby to come is so fun and exciting. It has also made me more thankful for what little time we have alone together.
We spent a lot of time changing (i.e. significantly improving) our relationship before we started TTC. We also spent a lot of time talking about TTC and when/how we would be ready before deciding to go for it. So, I think by the time we started TTC (and got pregnant), a lot of the work/change had already been done. I really feel like we were (are) in a perfect place in our relationship to start a family.
The one additional change I've noticed though is that since getting pregnant, DH seems to have shifted his "familial identity" (not sure what else to call it) -- meaning that previously we struggled a lot when it came to issues involving his parents, because I think he still saw himself as being his parent's child, and still part of their family unit, with me kind of being the "outsider". This led to DH frequently defending his parents (even when they were clearly wrong, and he knew it) against me. However, since becoming pregnant, I've noticed a significant shift to him treating me like I'm his family now, and defending me against his parents in ways he never used to. It's something that appears to have occurred naturally for him, and I haven't even discussed with him that I've noticed this change, or applied any pressure for him to shift his perspective since TTC. I think that getting pregnant has now caused him to see himself as being his own family with me and our baby, and thus (to some extent) cutting the cord with his parents.
Mama's Clone - 07/18/12
- I feel like it brought us closer because we had to have some real heart to hearts over how far we were willing to go to have kids since my doctor put us on a 6 month track due to a medical issue. He really wanted to be a dad so bad and I really wanted to have a child but he and I both agreed on how far we would go and where we would call it quits and I think through that acceptance and cooperative decision making it made us really strong, even through the tears. We got lucky with EJ and we are thrilled every day.
- I also feel like this brought us closer because we really work well together, and I don't mean just like we are compatible, I mean we actually work well, like in the actual context of working. We generally fall naturally into "jobs" with each other and they are specified to our strengths. We did this with having a child and while to say it has been seamless would be a lie but it has been smooth. We have our moments when we need to take time-outs but we have maintained our status quo of not yelling at one another and never putting the other down, about having rational discussions and when they get irrational to still listen. We have these talks more often because we are tired and stressed but we always stay on the same team.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? It didn't change anything.
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner? It is challenging to find time for just us between Rosie, work, and being tired. We definitely cannot be as spontaneous anymore and we have to plan ahead if we want to go out by ourselves. We have been in a trying time in our marriage the past few months, but DH's company is mostly to blame, not having a child. Once the problems are behind us everything should be much better for our family.
On a positive note having Rosie has already made the holidays much more enjoyable. We are already incorporating her into our hobbies and interests, such as driving to Oklahoma when she was 2 months old for our car club's annual meet. We look forward to doing things in the future as a family and watching Rose grow.
DD2: February 2014
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? If so, how?
intimacy a bit off when it was around O time. More pressure too.
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner?
Harder to be intimate. I co-slept in our bed with both of my boys until they were both 6 months old. It's hard to get intimate in bed with a newborn next to you. Also, being tired from a newborn makes it hard to connect.
1. Not really - my husband thought he was the one with the fertility problems but it ended up being me. Once we/I got diagnosed by my RE, we still managed to have fun and not let it deter us from intimacy.
2. We have a kid on the way but my husband has been complimenting my baby belly and such. he's been more understanding of having less time with each other at night because I've been getting sleepy around 8pm. We both know that I'm going through a lot of changes (physically and mentally) but it's all for the better. We've always been a great team together and I think we'll be closer and a better team once baby is born.
IUI #1 10/12/11 (Bravelle + HCG + Prometrium & acupuncture) = 10/26 BFP! Beta #1=250, Beta #2= 615. 1st u/s 11/8.
- Did TTC change your relationship with your partner? If so, how?
I guess if anything I found out that DH really really wants more than one child for the sake of having a sibling. I was a little surprised because he was sort of fatalistic about the first one "whatever will be will be" but more pushy than I would have thought about having a second.
- How has having children changed your relationship with your partner?
For a while it made it worse, because I was uptight about everything and criticizing him for everything he did differently from me, and it was creating a lot of strife, but now I have mellowed a lot in my reactions to things, and I don't get angry at him and we are getting along better than ever.