18 weeks and wondering how to continue.

heyyou · January 2012

I'm at witts end. Now that I have started feeling the baby my anxiety is at an all time high. Every time I don't feel the baby move (which is a lot considering oh early it is) I'm afraid it's died. Rationally I have never had trouble at this point of my pregnancys but the overwhelming memory of Emmy's last kicks are crippling me.

I keep telling myself to allow some patience as who would expect more considering all the stress and heartache we have gone through, losing Emmy 9 mos ago and then conceiving not long after.

I have no idea how to get through these next four months. I feel like it will get worse and worse as LO grows as my loss was so late. I looked up counselors today but I really have no clue where to start. I pray daily and am sincerely trying to lean on God as I have NO control over any of this.

I know you ladies will understand. That's really why I needs to talk about it to you. Everyone says, have faith, don't worry, it was a flook etc...no one "gets it."

tarrrrrag · January 2012

I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I too deal with anxiety, and it's just getting worse! I don't have any advice for you as I am having a hard time dealing with mine, but I just wanted to wish you well. I think that counseling might be a good place to start. Good luck!

LoveOfMikesLife · January 2012

I am not as far as you, however I do know the pain of a late loss.

My suggestion is a doppler. That way when the baby hasn't moved you can check on LO. Also a great doctor. Mine has already told me that she knows toward the end is going to be hard and if I have to come in everyday for a piece of mind that is fine with her.

I "know" that it's hard. Just being 12w is hard on me. But it is only going to get worse before it gets better! Trust in your doctor, and listen to your instincts. If something feels off then GO get checked!

I wish I could say more but I know it won't help. Goodluck and get try to be calm... This may or may not help but knows its coming with the best of intentions, hope for the best but prepare for the worst! That is what I'm going by right now.

LDW80 · January 2012

I did not have a late loss but I understand your fears. I just keep telling myself this is a new pregancy. Have you thought of or is there a support group in your area of moms that have had a loss and then successfully had a baby? I found that helped me A LOT!!! Also maybe because you got pregnant so quickly after your loss you haven't had time to grieve so counseling might be a good option for you as well. We are hear anytime as well if the fears get the best of you. Just knowing there are others who have been through a loss and is now PGAL helps. I hope it gets better for you. ((HUGS))

hunter91011 · January 2012

I cant imagine any of our anxiety will end until we have healthy babies in our arms. I can't imagine dealing with a late loss like you did. Good Luck!

johnnys june · January 2012

LoveOfMikesLife:

I am not as far as you, however I do know the pain of a late loss.

My suggestion is a doppler. That way when the baby hasn't moved you can check on LO. Also a great doctor. Mine has already told me that she knows toward the end is going to be hard and if I have to come in everyday for a piece of mind that is fine with her.

This. I had a late loss (although not as late as some). I haven't felt baby move (well, not intense enough for me to say definitely). But when I do, I fear I'll be like you. However, I have a doppler. I don't listen every single day because I'm afraid it will only increase my axiety when it takes longer than 10 seconds to find baby. Whenever I have some anxiety or a bad dream I'll listen for a good long while and it always puts me more at ease.

I agree that a good doctor is key. I would suggest mentioning your anxiety and fears to your doctor. A good doctor would reassure you and offer suggestions to help relieve some of it.

*hugs*

LottaLattes · January 2012

*HUGS*HUGS* I had early losses, but I'm still incredibly anxious that at least one of the babies isn't around anymore from time to time. I feel movement of one of them a little, and the other pretty infrequently still (anterior boy). I got a doppler early on, and I have loved having it for every single second. I would still call your doc if you're concerned, even with a doppler reading, but it's good for reassurance that your LO is still in there, heart beating away.

mrst-tobe · January 2012

I'm so sorry. Even though my loss was much earlier than yours I have found that my anxiety has actually increased the farther along I get in this pregnancy. I think it's just knowing, as we all do sadly, that sometimes things don't end happily.

I am very grounded in my faith, but those thoughts still creep in, I just do my best to try to shove them back out again when they come. Something that helps me is to take a deep breath and remind myself that my worrying about it isn't going to change anything, so why am I putting myself through it? I know it is so much easier said than done, but I need to remind myself of it sometimes otherwise I think I would start spiraling down and not be able to stop.

We always say on here, "Today I'm pregnant, and I love my baby." I really try to focus on that. I thank God for this day with my little one and take comfort in the fact that no matter what happens good or bad, I know He will not leave me alone in it. (Sometimes, I literally say these things out loud to myself during the day!)

Absolutely not preaching to you, because everyone's journey is different, just wanted to share something that helps me to get throught the rough days sometimes. I don't think there's anything that we can really do to make those feelings of fear completely go away. Once you've had a loss, it's just going to be there. Doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you or that you don't have faith enough so don't let anyone try to tell you that! But you can get through it. You will get through it, because you are stronger than you think you are.

If you can find a counselor or someone to just listen to you talk through your fears, I think it really might help. I wish I had sought that out more. :-(

~SandyB~ · January 2012

I'm so sorry you are having a tough time...I would suggest a doppler too. I am almost 17.5 weeks and haven't felt the baby yet, and know I would be absolutely crazy if I had to wait the 4 weeks between appts to see how the baby was. I don't use it too often, but love having it b/c when I don't feel pg at all, I will sit there and convince myself something bad has happened.

chusum · January 2012

I have felt the very same way. If I go an hour without movement, which happens often considering how far along I am, I have a little anxiety. I just tell myself it's all in my head and everything is perfectly fine, she's just sleeping. When it gets really bad in my crazy head, I pull out my doppler, and it eases my mind when I hear her heart beat or her movement that I just can't feel. This is the main reason why even though I feel movement I will continue to use my doppler. It eases my mind.

Mrs Nice · January 2012

Unfortunately, I do know EXACTLY what you are going through. This pregnancy has been the hardest challenge of my life. I try to take things one day at a time.

I too have been haunted by Ian's last kicks. It is so hard and frustrating feeling this new baby move b/c on one side it is a reminder of him but on the other side it is good to know that this baby is okay (for the time being at least). Then I start to get scared that this baby is moving too much and could get wrapped up in the cord like last time. And of course, when the baby doesn't move at all is scarest of all. I did invest in a Doppler and it has been a huge stress relief. Nothing calms the nerves like listening to the heartbeat.

I think counseling is a good idea. I have not been, but I have an amazing doctor who will really listen and do anything that I need to see me through. Even if it means I go to her office every day to be checked.

Mostly, I just try to stay busy and take "me" time when I can. Anything I can think of to help me relax. Massuage, manicure, pedicure, getting my hair done or even just soaking in the tub. It is so important to de-stress so your bp doesn't go up. You have to take care of yourself for your baby's sake.

Bigs Hugs to you! It isn't right that anyone should have to go through what we are going through!

swtbelle · January 2012

I'm so sorry you are having such anxiety. My loss wasn't nearly as late as yours so I can't imagine how difficult that was for you. I was hoping the anxiety would fade the further I got in the pregnancy but I agree with the other ladies that said until we get that screaming baby in our arms we're never going to be satisified. I hope you find support here and maybe with a counseler I say do whatever helps! ((hugs))

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