Multiples

moms of toddlers and older...

are your multiples co-dependant?  i read pea-kays post and it reminded me I've been meaning to post about this and ask you ladies...

Ava is pretty dependant on milina...not so much at home or when they are out and about with dh & I....but definitly at dc...

for example, when milina says she is done at breakfast/lunch at dc, ava will immediately insist she is done too (even if she's just asked for more) and insist on getting down from the table too (and will often cry if dcp asks her to stay and finish eating)....she also tends to follow milina during free play at dc and join in whatever she is doing instead of exploring things on her own...(granted since they are at an inhome there is a limited # of other kids to play with...and usually the only 2 biys are playing together which leaves just my 2 and dcp's dd who is 6 months younger)

so...is this similar with your multiples?  I am assuming it is a comfort thing (she is definitly the shyer of the two)...and the reason she is probably fine going off on her own seperate from milina at playdates/the chlidren's museum/park/etc. is b/c I am so close and that makes her feel confortable being more independant...but dcp has expressed a concern over her co-dependant behavior there...which of course has me wondering if this is the norm with twins (triplets or quads)....

so what are your thoughts and/or experiences?

Re: moms of toddlers and older...

  • Out of curiousity, are your girls ID or fraternal? I can't remember. I wonder if it makes a difference.

    In any case, of the three, while I'd say Oliver is the "alpha", the other two don't necessarily defer to him. And he is as dependent on them as they are on each other. So I don't know. They are all okay if I have to take one to the doctor, but the days of taking just one to the grocery store are long past. 

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  • imagepea-kay:

    Out of curiousity, are your girls ID or fraternal? I can't remember. I wonder if it makes a difference.

    In any case, of the three, while I'd say Oliver is the "alpha", the other two don't necessarily defer to him. And he is as dependent on them as they are on each other. So I don't know. They are all okay if I have to take one to the doctor, but the days of taking just one to the grocery store are long past. 

    fraternals. 

    at home milina is def the alpha girl (and at dc she actually fought it out with another 2.5 yr old for the position - she definitly likes to run the show)...it is just thta at home ava is less likely to follow her she won't follow m from one thing to the next - she is much more independant and will do her own thing and even tell m no if she doesn't want to join her in something...and I can easily take just one to the doc without the other caring..really I wouldn't think anything of it based off the way they act at home...but at dc she seems to be so dependant on her twin for constant support that dcp has become concerned....

  • Mmm ... I don't think so. They're more comfortable with each other if they're away from home but I think that's only natural. They really weren't that close until just a few months ago though. On a play date, the typical scenario is that Will plays with the other kid and Alex does his own thing or hangs out with me. Now that they're in preschool I'm curious to see how that goes.
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
  • No, not at all.  Mine are identical and separate very easily.  In fact one of the reasons I separated them at daycare was because they weren't playing with each other very frequently.  

    Don't get me wrong, they are best friends and play together nonstop when we're home (even when they're fighting and I *ask* them to play separately) and they're very aware of each other and what the other is doing/getting.   But I wouldn't say they are co-dependent. 

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