s/o QOTD - how do you handle the nay-sayers?

umdbride · January 2012

Just curious if you all have any good tactics or lines that work wonders...

I'm starting to get more raised eyebrows from the moms/grandmas on both sides about BF, but they know my goal is 1 year so they don't say much right now. I get the vibe they expect it to be that on his 1st birthday we'll just completley stop, but I will probably nurse in the morning and bedtime for a while after (I haven't decided how long and don't really plan to put a time on it). I'm sure I'll get the "your still nursing?!" and comments about creating a "mama's boy" or it not being good for his independence and things like that.

So, what nay-sayers have you faced and how did you deal with it?

WinesNotWhines · January 2012

"I've/we've done extensive research on this topic and I've/we've decided this is what's best for DS and our family. If you have any scientific or medical literature that shows what I'm doing is harmful, please forward it to me. I'd be happy to look at it."

Then ignore any further comments and/or repeat the same language over again. It's not perfect, but it addresses several things: 1) Yes, I've done my research and I know what I'm doing; 2) You're probably talking out of your a$$, so show me your sources to prove to me that you're not; 3) I'm not ignoring you. I asked you to send me literature and said I'd read it. (Of course, this literature probably does not exist.)

Option B: "Thanks for your input. I'll take it under consideration." I use that when the "advice" is from someone I don't know as well and I don't want to get into a confrontation with them. Option A is more for dealing with my mother when she raises an issue for the 10th time.

bh2720 · January 2012

I didn't bf for very long so I didn't have to deal with this, but I think it's a lot like any other parenting decision--it's YOURS (and your H) because you guys are the parents.

It's no one else's business when you stop bf-ing. I think if you say "We'll stop when we are ready, it's our decision.", that should put an end to the conversation.

When people make comments like you described, there's nothing you will actually do to change their opinions and getting into a big discussion about it won't actually help (IMO). Just ignore and keep doing what you need to do.

Hey Jellisy · January 2012

My dad and one of my brothers (has no kids yet) have issues with bfing past a year. I did Wines option A. Since they are both doctors, I thought for sure they would send me medical literature, but I honestly think it's a comfort thing with them.

Mrs.Handy · January 2012

We're still going at 18 months and I'm expecting a lot of these comments from my ILs when we visit at the end of February.

My plan is to use some of the language above and also use a little humor. When people ask me how long I'm planning to BF DS, I say "I'm thinking college."

Sofka · January 2012

The World Health Organization recommends BFfing til age 2, actually.

I am looking for a phrase someone on thenest used to tell people when they give you completely off-the-wall advice but I am too tired to think of it Something like "you don't say...more wine?"

2vthokies · January 2012

It depends on who I'm talking to. If it's someone I don't want to offend I say something polite like "until we both decide it's time to stop" or I change the subject. If I'm feeling snarky I say something like till "she's in college".

In general, to any unsolicited advice I simply say thanks and move on.

HikerBride07 · January 2012

I expected it to come up, but it never did really. Is there some reason that they might ask about your morning and night routine? Most people just assumed I was no longer nursing.

If someone did ask though, I would throw out the WHO recommendation of 2+ years and that biologically babies are meant to self wean when their immune systems are fully developed between 2 and 4.

umdbride · January 2012

HikerBride07:

I expected it to come up, but it never did really. Is there some reason that they might ask about your morning and night routine? Most people just assumed I was no longer nursing.

It tends to come up because either they straight up ask if I'm still nursing (mostly grandma), or they're around for the morning/night routine because they aren't local and we're either visiting with them or they're visiting us for more the weekend. I don't nurse around them, but they'll ask something like "isn't he hungry?" first thing in the morning, but he just nursed so he's not.

My mom is lately asking about when we'll introduce milk, and how you stop BFing, but I think more out of interest and curiosity since she never BF'd. But I can sort of tell she thinks there's something a little different about BF past 1.

Sofka · January 2012

you can also always say "the pediatrician says..." (it's best we BF or do this or that, etc)

mcatmay · January 2012

Mrs.Handy:
We're still going at 18 months and I'm expecting a lot of these comments from my ILs when we visit at the end of February.
My plan is to use some of the language above and also use a little humor. When people ask me how long I'm planning to BF DS, I say "I'm thinking college."

Brilliant! I'm using that one if we're lucky enough to last that long (see above post).

Umbdbride, i use the WnW approach of telling people to send me their research or forward them mine (as was the case with my mom and CIO). At least with my mom, it was more a case of her just not being informed.

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s/o QOTD - how do you handle the nay-sayers?

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