The night-waking Bf'ing Co-sleeping toddler (and the PG exhausted mother)

monksmama · January 2012

S is two - still co-sleeping and bf'ing. I am a few weeks pregnant with #3.

For the last few weeks he has been night waking like a newborn wanting to nurse. Now that I'm pregnant the constant nursing is killing me, it hurts and I find myself becoming resentful of the whole thing.

I have tried nursing more during the day, having DH comfort him (which does work, but he works full time and has his own business and although he isn't complaining I know the lack of sleep hurts) talking about 'boobies' sleeping at night and even introducing a pacifier. (which he hates). In the middle of the night I will either tell him that 'boobies' are sleeping or tell him he can nurse for a few minutes and then he has to go back to sleep. He either starts crying immediately or the second I break his latch - sometimes flat out screaming. Either way I am holding him and rocking him but it just isn't enough. Usually he'll give up and fall asleep again but sometimes he won't give and either screams until I give in or tries to get out of bed.

I really don't want to wean him, he loves nursing and I love that i can do that for him, but I am at the end of my rope. I wonder if it is part growth spurt, part reassurance after all his growing independence. I feel that if he needs the constant connection it is important to give it to him, but I am flat out exhausted and need some middle ground. I have been doing don't offer/ don't refuse for at least 6 months - but I will try to re-direct or offer alternatives if I know he isn't looking to go to sleep. I really don't mind the nursing to nap/bed but it is the subsequent sessions that drive me crazy.

We're also dealing with the hitting stage and doing constant re-direction and age appropriate time outs. I'm sure that plays into it too.

Any advice?

sarahandeddiejune212008 · January 2012

I don't have any advice, but I am in the same boat. DD went from being night weaned to waking several times a night. Not only does she want to nurse, but she wants to stay latched on for hours on end. I'm about to lose my mind. My DH works night so I have to deal with this on my own and I'm exhausted and frustrated!

bugsmami · January 2012

Speaking from the other "side", I know how bad it sucks DS1 would not take anything but nursing while I was pg, and it was tough. I highly recommend "Adventures in Tandem Nursing". It starts out with chapters on being pg and nursing, and was such a big relief for me to know that all the negative feelings/sensations that I was having were normal. There were times it was so bad, that DH wanted me to wean DS cold turkey (which I couldn't do, no matter how bad I wanted to... neither of us were ready). The second trimester was the best one as DS only nursed 1x/night. Then he started with his 2 yr molars about the time I got some colostrum and it was horrible (nursing all the time!).

Since DS2's birth things have slowly gotten easier. DH moved into bed with DS1 after the first few nights (I was going insane trying to nurse them both at night), and DS1 only cried the first night for "mama milk". DH finally was able to distract him (with t.v. and food) long enough to get him back to sleep, but it was rough on both of them. The next night was much easier (no tears!), and DH was able to distract him and get him back to sleep again. I talked a lot during the day about only drinking mama milk during the day while daddy was at work, and for whatever reason he has been O.K. with it (it never worked before!). I never ever thought I would see the night that DS1 didn't nurse, but we are going on 5 nights in a row! He will still wake up/ask for it, but will now accept DH to help him back to sleep.

Hang in there! I sometimes feel like running away with my newborn (and feel guilty that I don't always enjoy BF DS1), but it's worth it in the long run for us.

LizB214 · January 2012

I went through the same thing, and finally weaned DS when I was about 17 weeks pregnant. It was painful and overwelming, and I knew that I wasn't up for tandem nursing.

We started by getting him into his own twin bed- DH or I would lay with him until he fell asleep and take turns doing night duty (ie sleeping in bed with him when he woke up). If it was my night I continued to nurse during the night, and slowly I took fewer nights. I limited his day time nursing by counting to 10 and then unlatching him. We did things so gradually that it really was not as traumatic as I had expected. DS still occaisionally asks to nurse, but I tell him that the milk is all gone. He does insist that he must "hold boobies" all the time though!

Good luck!

nosoup4u · January 2012

I night weaned DS1 around 20 months, using Jay Gordan's method. I would offer him cuddles and hugs, and he would eventually accept them, but he was MAD the first few nights of no nursing. You could also try offering a sippy of water w some hugs? I dunno, it did seem very daunting when I first started night weaning him,but it was worth it in the end. If you're exhausted, it's not going to help him either, you know? Nursing is a two-way street, especially when they get older.

whirli · January 2012

No advice but wanted to give some hope. When DD was a little older than your LO she just started to be able to fall back asleep on her own. Her sleep has improved a huge amount in the past few months. It's just like something clicked in her head and she realized she could fall back asleep by herself. We bedshare and she will occasionally wake and cry a little bit and even say nurse sometimes but I just sshhh her and she goes back to sleep pretty well. We still nurse to sleep for night and nap but that's it. I was practically at my wit's end and ready to do nightweaning but DD just kind of developed it on her own. Hang in there, I can't imagine how rough it is being pregnant.

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