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D.C. Area Babies
Three year-old behavior...Help!
DD1 is 41 months and in the last 6 weeks she has become a real handful. All of my usual disciplining tricks (time out, losing privileges, counting to three before doling out a punishment, ignoring the behavior, etc.) have literally stopped working.
I don't, in principle, believe in spanking. I did slap her hand the other day when she chucked a wooden toy and it landed on a window. I had already asked her 5 times to put it away and that's how she responded. I felt like absolute doo-doo for the rest of the day, but she behaved like an angel. This week has been extra bad (two nights ago she was so naughty she lost two weeks of watching Caillou - her favorite show that she watches every night before bed). This morning she refused to get dressed and was spouting not nice things (I wish I had a different mommy) and finally I gave her a (little) slap on the tush. She LAUGHED. It did not phase her.at.all. I am at a total loss. 90% of the time she is not throwing a fit, she just doesn't want to listen. She is fantastic at school. I've talked to her teachers about her behavior and they told me they never have to put her in time out. She listens well and is super helpful cleaning up, etc. It's the exact opposite to the way she is at home.
So, help! Anyone have any thoughts on how to get her back on track? (and for me to stop loosing my cool)?
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Re: Three year-old behavior...Help!
I have no tips for how to handle the acting out - but DH told me yesterday that he read that kids behave the worst with the people they are closest to because they are the most comfortable to let their emotions out with them.
I'm sure that doesn't help in the moment, and certainly doesn't help curb the behavior at all, but hopefully it gives you a little bit of sanity and explains why she's so good everywhere else?
perhaps it's in the water. two of my girlfriends have expressed teh same frustrations with their 4/5 yros and my 5yro is on the verge of, well, something.
i talked to my mom about it recently, and she suggested the excitement of the holidays (plus, my son's birthday which was early december) may have contributed to his difficulties. he can just be a total dip$hit sometimes.
we have taken away toys, had (many) timeouts, one spanking (which i feel was absolutely necessary, but made me feel absolutely horrible), talked with his DCP, withheld special privileges, had a family meeting, made extra effort to do things with him (play time, story time, solo excursions), and nothing has seemed to make a difference.
the last time i told him he was going to lose a privilege, his response was 'so, i don't care anyway." totally out of character for him.
i also wonder if there is an independence phase going on. i'm excitedly waiting for it be over.
Yeah, I figured as much. We are all like that, no?
I also think it's a stage since I have several friends with three year-olds who are experiencing the same thing (though not as badly). She has always been a bossy, strong-willed kid, but dang, she has taken it to a whole new level. I just want to make sure we navigate this properly so that when she's done with this stage she understands who is (still) boss.
Right there with you! I think that's why they call them the "tumulous 3s"
FWIW, I don't believe in physically disciplining kids for a gazillion of reasons but oh boy, I have been tempted. The sibling rivalry is also rearing its ugly ugly head. You should have seen the tantrum DD threw when we wouldn't take off DS' shoes that she wanted to try on! (she's a size 8, he's a 5 but that's beside the point).
I think being cooped up inside the house is not helping either. We need to do a playdate!
Take my advice with a grain of salt because my DD hasn't hit 3 yet and I know it will probably get harder before it gets easier.
With that being said, I once heard on Dr. Phil that children need to be able to predict with 100% accuracy what the result of their actions will be. He said that parents can't only do it a certain way 95% of the time because then the kid will keep pushing the boundaries hoping that this will be the 5% of the time the parent gives in.
So for me, I've taken this to mean that once I start counting the 1-2-3 for the time out, that I follow-through with the process every.single.time. I want my daughter to know that when I say "1", that I mean business and if she doesn't correct her behavior, that I will continue counting to 2 and 3 and she will get a time out after 3 and that it will be like that every.single.time. So far, it seems to have worked well for her. She's now getting much better about stopping behaviors on 1 or 2.
I have no idea of consistency could be part of the issue with your kid but either way, it definitely sounds like she's pushing her boundaries. I would say to just stay strong and keep being consistent with whatever discipline measures you use and eventually (hopefully), she will stop pushing it.
We are going through the exact same thing.
We're working on consistency, and not giving in to her tantrums/actions. It's reeeeally hard, though.
@Rome - I love Crappy Pictures! I've seen that post and she is hi-larious.
@Sofka - I think you hit on something...this coincides with DD2 becoming more involved in what DD1 is doing (trying to take her toys, etc.). I can also think of examples where DD1 wants to do what DD2 is doing (eating a different dinner than us, etc.) and it has sparked a conflict. I guess this is another cry for attention.
1, 2, 3 used to work like a charm, but now she just blows it off. Her consequences are to take away Calliou (or any kids show), to cancel a playdate (really hard to do), to put her in time out or to take away a toy. The other day she ASKED to go to time out. WTF? We only go out to dinner on the weekends and we have canceled our plans as a consequence (she loves going out to dinner). I am consistent, but DH is a bit of a wimp in the disciplining department. He is getting better, however, I do most of the disciplining.
So maybe I need to tempt her with something like a special trip to the library if she listens well. I don't want to give her things, like toys, because maybe the issue is wanting our time (though in truth, because she stays up later, she get more one on one time with us than DD2).
FWIW, when we have a good morning or if she listens well I do tell her how much I appreciate her listening, etc.
This is SOOO important. And granted, my kid is only 2, but he knows that I mean business. I literally never say I am going to do something and not follow through. "You tip over that water glass one more time and we're leaving the restaurant immediately" - yep, we left and he wasn't happy. I wasn't either, but that's besides the point. DS knows that there are consequences that will exist if his bad behavior isn't curbed. As a result, I think his behavior is pretty darn good overall. It's easy to threat and not follow through. My DH had to learn that the hard way. DS is a much different kid sometimes around my DH... but DH is getting better.
we always follow through but it doesn't work sometimes. Also, I count 1-2-3 and DH counts to 5 - wth?? He does follow thru after 5.
Does K still nap on weekends? E naps at DCP but not at home and I think that makes it worse.
Misery loves company, you are not alone!
Yup, we always follow through, but it's now more along the lines of what Lindsey was saying. If I take a toy away, etc. she'll just say she doesn't care. I feel like I'm raising a sociopath, lol. She doesn't nap on the weekends anymore (only at DCP) and sometimes it does make it worse.
Last night we had a really good night and I wonder if it's because I asked her teacher to talk to her a little about listening at home. This morning was a bit of a struggle but not as bad a usual. Maybe her ears were burning because of my post. .
I'm pretty sure that nearly everyone with a three year old has thought that they have a sociopath at some point. :-D Honest to goodness, I had three unrelated friends with three year olds post something to the effect of raising a sociopath on FB in a single week.
We're having similar issues, but DS is lashing out physically too. Nothing like hauling a kid over to timeout while also getting the crap beaten out of you. :-(
I'm finding that the more one on one attention he gets in a day the better he is overall when he no longer gets that focused attention. He hasn't napped in ages, so I have started shortening quiet time so that we can have some preschooler centered time together. We do crafts or bake or even just settle in on a couch together to watch a cartoon. The extra attention seems to make him more willing to listen overall.