- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
D.C. Area Babies
Jitterbug2668
member
QOTD for Thursday
Jitterbug2668
member
What is some of the best & worst advice your parents/inlaws have ever given you regarding parenting? (because we all know they were parents before us and have their own opinions)
This discussion has been closed.
Re: QOTD for Thursday
I'm thankful to have a very supportive mom and she reminds me all the time that DS will do some things on his own time schedule and he has. It seems within a matter of a few days he went from no rolling to rolling, no crawling to full on bulldozer crawling, standing to walking.
Both sets of moms never BFed DH or I so as you can imagine I received some of the worst advice ever regarding BFing. Most of it having to do w/ the fact I have to give them a bottle after nursing because there's obviously no way my boobs can produce everything they need.
basically the same from me. DS didn't walk until after 15 months and it was just let him take his time etc...and he went from walking to running in a day once he started.
my bad advice was also over nursing. DS would not latch from the beginning but I was determined to not give a bottle(for whatever reason) both mom's kept saying that formula would just be easier (neither of us were BF, my mom couldn't me because of being sick after birth and DH"s mom just didn't for whatever reason). and I get that formula is easier and its not like feeding your kid poison but I really wanted to try BFding. I ultimately had to pump and give bottles but DS received breast milk only until after 6 months and I was proud of that, my body stopped producing enough after that despite trying EVERYTHING!!!
Please don't think I"m judging those who formula feed...you do what you need to do to be a good momma, it was just what I wanted to do!!
Mine was relating to the baby crying - my parents let my brother CIO at one week of age and they couldn't understand why i was 'coddling' the baby. I finally referred them to the multitude of studies showing that babies should get their needs tended to in the first four months of age. I really didn't want to be that daughter that tried to take some 'mightier than thou' approach but i was sick of hearing the comments, when i was exhausted, of 'just let her cry, it won't kill her'.
I think my mom was taken aback by what she read and the pendulum swung the other way, where i reassured her that she was an amazing parent (which she was) and that she had been following the advice given at the time.
I actually think I'm pretty lucky in that I don't get much unsolicited advice from either set of parents. There are 3 grandkids older than my kids, so I think it helps that my parents learned about the "new" ways through them. And, my inlaws usually try to stay out of our business. Nothing stands out as super bad. They are all pretty good about following our suggestions/rules when taking care of our kids.
The best advice I've been given is simply that every child is different, and to just go with the flow. I wish I'd done that a bit more with my first.
My mom loves to give unsolicited advice about everything. The biggest one lately has been about M's diet. He's a somewhat picky eater, and she comments on that a lot. Her comments are rarely helpful.
I think their best advice has been general things, like "You're doing a great job" when I've been unsure of myself. Very little of their specific advice has been helpful, and when it is helpful, it's usually something I already heard on these boards!
MIL-babies love formula, don't try to breastfeed, it will be so great when he has his own tv shows. Babies love crackers (at 5 months)
My mom has had some good advice. My son is super verbal and tall. She's reminded me a few times to not over estimate him, he' still a little guy.
Also BFing related, MIL insisted that C was always starving when I sent small bottles of BM with him as an infant. No, I'm sorry. Most BFed babies don't need 4 8oz bottles during the day at 3 months. This was based on chunky FFed nephew (the one that the pedi told SIL was OVERFED).
She also claimed very early on that a BFed baby would never take a bottle and that once we used CDs he would never stand disposable diapers. We didn't have a single bit of trouble with either.
My own parents are actually very hands off with advice. The only thing that sticks out from my mom was to *never* let him cry. Which isn't bad advice, just not always logistically possible. (She said this when he was tiny and I was making lunch but he was fussing in the bouncer.)
My parents were always very supportive and deferred to my parenting decision when DS was young. The best advice I guess is something we haven't really applied yet. But we will when he is older. You always have to be on the same page when it comes to discipline, show a united front as parents.
The worst advice I can think of came from my BIL/SIL. My niece was born a few weeks after DS. It kind of bugs me the way they dish out advice like they're experts at being parents. We both had babies around the same time so we both have the same amount of experience. We have very different babies. BIL indicated that we were depriving our DS of some kind of nutrition by not giving him formula when he is 8 months. I kept trying to explain to him that there is no need for formula and that we will keep BF as long as baby and mommy are happy. I don't give them advice or judge their parenting decisions so all I ask is they not judge mine.
Off to the beach
DS 7/18/2010
Handy 2.0 Due Early August
2011/2012 Races
12/17/2011 Christmas Caper 10K
2/11/2012 Have a Heart 5K
3/17/2012 DC RNR Half Marathon
4/22/2012 10M Parkway Classic
10/28/2012 Marine Corps Marathon
My ILs have been pretty hands-off in terms of advice, although they did make comments that indicate they think it's "weird" that we CD and MIL asked me every time I saw her when I was going to stop BFing. They also mentioned repeatedly that when DH was two weeks old they started putting rice cereal in his bottle of formula.
My mom had two pieces of advice that were really helpful in the beginning. One was, when he was fussing, she would suggest trying to feed him. In my mind, I was thinking, he just ate an hour ago! He can't be hungry already! But he totally was. And the other wasn't advice so much as something she would say when she was cuddling J, which was "he's just a baby." It was like her little soothing mantra, and I don't think she meant much by it, but it did help me to remember that he was just a tiny baby and being frustrated with him for not sleeping or for crying or being clingy or whatever was putting too high of expectations on a newborn.
TTC #2: BFP 12/17/11, m/c 1/7/12 and D&C 1/12/12
baby blog/cooking blog
It's funny how so much of the "advice" is around BF or CD - I wish there were more ways to get that info mainstream so they didn't think we're all hippies that are undernourishing our kids.
My mom, who FF me and my sis (14 yrs later), was actually pro BF - she kept saying she wished the doctors back then encouraged her more or offered things like pumping or breast shields so she could BF. She has always been so great about asking what the norm or guidance is now and I really appreciate that, plus it makes me feel like I'm doing a good job
. Her best advice was suggesting a later bedtime for DS when he was about 4/5 months old - we thought he was overtired because he'd wake up after only 20 minutes of bedtime, turns out when we waited an hour longer he'd sleep for 4 hours before waking up to eat.
The worst advice has been from MIL and grandmas and stepmom - a combination of not to walk up and down the stairs to fast when PG because I was bouncing the baby around (MIL); that the dog and cat we have are bad for the baby (MIL); BF will never work once I go back to work (stepmom); my milk won't be good enough quality after 3/4 months and I'd have to switch to formula (as grandma's doc told her back in 1953); I won't BF after DS gets teeth because he'll bite (from all 3 even though none BFed that long), etc. etc.
oh and my favorite from grandma: if the baby is fussy, give the baby a little brandy in his bottle and he'll sleep really well
She cited the doctor on the ship that told her mother (my great-grandma) to do this for her sister when she came to the U.S. as a little girl. She must tell us this almost every time we see her, and DS is never fussy without a good reason.
Fortunately, I don't receive much unsolicited advice from either my parents or ILs. I talk to my mom a lot about parenting but she and I have similar perspectives and she's always encouraging and tells me that I'm doing a good job which I am so grateful for.
My only occasional frustration is that MIL sees the kids a lot because they live nearby. Anytime a kid has an issue, she says "Maybe you should call the doctor and ask her about it." An example would be that DD#2 is still spitting up sometimes at 8 months old. To me, this is complete normal. It doesn't even happen all the time and it's not a ton of spit up. Babies spit up and I would feel weird calling the doc about something like that. But usually I just say something like "oh, that's very normal at this age". Occasionally I'll email the doctor and then report back "doctor says XYZ is fine". I can't fault her too much though because I know she's just being concerned and it's not like she's putting down my parenting. I think for people who had babies 40+ years ago, they just forget certain things. Plus, I have you all which is a great support network and gives me a good gauge of what's "normal". So, I feel like I have a decent handle on when I should call the doctor or not.
My mother is pretty good about not giving unsolicited advice when it comes to DD, which is sort of an anomaly for her in other areas, but I think it would be more of a problem if she lived nearby and saw DD all the time. As it is, she visits once a month and watches DD and she does a lot of things that I don't necessarily agree with but I let it slide because it's only a couple days.
Anyway, the best advice she gave me was take her out in public as much as possible - restaurants, stores, parks. As soon as I was feeling better pp I was out with DD everywhere. I met another mom with the same age baby in my neighborhood when DD was 6 weeks old and she and the baby were going crazy because she never left the house. We started doing play dates out at restaurants and she was so relieved and was surprised at how well her son reacted. So, I'm glad she encouraged me to do that.
The worst advice was probably from my mom who said to give DD water when she was just a couple months old. She said, the water would fill her up at bedtime and she would sleep longer. What?? That made no sense to me for obvious reasons.
I think the best advice I received was the days are long but the years are short, and boy is that proving true. I am so grateful to my mom, every time she came when DD was little, she helped me through a transition. She's given me some solid I had babies in the 70s advice (babies prefer sleeping on their tummies, give water and juice in a bottle, babies don't like facing the rear of the car) but times have changed. My mom always tells me we have it harder than they did and she is not sure she would be able to raise a baby today.
As to my MIL, she is really respectful on not giving unsolicited advice. She does however believe that her son and grandchildren can never do wrong - the lady wears some seriously thick rose colored glasses.
My Mom BFed both me and my sister for a year and while MIL did not, she was very supportive of BFing. My Mom told me to give DD water as an infant and my parents believe in forcing the kids (mostly DD, DS is a great eater) to eat which I have told them a gazillion times is not the right approach! As many of you know, my Mom watched DD for 18mo and is still watching DS ful-time and she does a great job but she's very judgemental & critical and I don't think she's ever said one positive thing about my parenting skills.
My Dad has good advice about not saying "no" to everything but if it were upto him, the kids would eat what they want, jump on and off furniture and basically run the household!
DS was up all night so my brain is not where it should be but I know there were a few other bad pieces of advice out there.
my MIL once told me that she spanked her baby for crying and not going to sleep at night. he was just out of infancy, maybe 6 months old? she almost bragged about it, saying that he went to sleep after that.
this in response to discussion about possibly sleep training T, who was 12 months old at the time.
wtf
My MIL doesn't give unsolicitated advice per se, it's more the "when my kids were young, blah, blah, blah," statements that drive me up the wall. I can handle them every now and then, but with her they are constant. When DD was young, I was also almost driven insane by her constantly asking me if DD was hungry. I'm also baffled by her inability to deal with DD when she is crying or upset. At this point, I'm pretty sure the stork dropped DH and his brother off when they were 18 because of her inability to deal with DD.
I have to say, my mom is pretty great. She gave me some great advice when DD was young. I think the best advice she gave me is if one thing isn't working, you need to try something else until you find whatever it is that will work. And it might be different every day. She was also really supportive when I was having major BFing problems in the early days, which I'm really thankful for.
I don't get much advice from my parents, but mainly because I *conciously* don't talk to them a lot about parenting issues (that's why we have the bump!). When DD1 was about 6 weeks old I had to take her to have some reflux studies done. My mom went with me and made several comments about giving such a small baby reflux meds and even tried to get the radiologist to tell me how bad it was (he didn't). It made me feel like crap because I was really struggling with her reflux, food intolerances and BFing in general. After that I realized that I don't need anyone to be on board except DH. My sister told me later that my mom regretted making the comments and wished she hadn't said anything. But it set the tone for me (and my mom is KNOWN for not really having a sensor). I am close with my parents and they are really supportive of our family, so I wish I did talk more about things, but I don't want to get in to conversations about why we do or don't do xyz, so I leave it alone.
My MIL also doesn't give too much advice, but I actually tend to ask her more...maybe because I feel like I can tell her if I don't agree? She single handedly saved my BFing relationship with DD2 even though, prior to DD1, she wasn't a proponent of BFing. I was completely desperate and in severe pain and she reminded me that it was my choice, that DD2 would not suffer being on formula, but that she knew I was strong and could get through it. Coming from someone who had never bfed, but had completely changed her oppinions on it because of my experience with DD1 was amazing. Best advice: hang in there it will get better.
Okay, I'm still pregnant, but I did get some really terrible "advice" from my MIL. She told me that newborns are born with the reflex to hold their breath and move their arms and legs (swim) while in water, so, since I'll have a baby in the summer, we should try it out. I had to be very clear that I was not dropping my baby in the pool and neither was she.
Neither my mom nor my MIL have given me anything I would consider good advice.
mm 2/17/11 * dd born 4/20/12 * bo 1/3/14 * edd 1/21/ 1/15
My mom is the queen of " well we did _______ with you and you survived" which I find to be incredibly annoying. She was the worst about the carseats, she kept hassling me about leaving them rear facing until two.
MIL pretty much gives nothing but bad advice. She suggested I give my 7 month old smarties to work on her fine motor skills and gave my 1 year old a ballon to work on throwing and catching.
DD1 9.24.06
DS 7.1.08
twins due 9.7.11 lost twin A at
DD2 4.7.12