Assumptions - a mini rant

jennakg · January 2012

My husband and I just moved into a new house. Now that we've moved everyone, and I mean EVERYONE is asking us when we are going to have kids. Even our realtor asked the other day.

Don't people understand that it takes time to get pregnant? It's not like you can just decide that you're going to have a baby and then *POOF* you're pregnant. (I wish)

We've only been trying since October, but still. People should stop making assumptions.

Do I need to wear a sign that says "we're trying?"

Anyone have any advice on how to deal with these people? I usually just try to laugh it off.

rinascita · January 2012

DH and I have the same issue... we've got it coming from all angles...

The best solution that seems to have worked - not even intentionally was to tell them that you want to enjoy your marriage before bringing kids into the picture. My aunt was asking me literally this past weekend if we were thinking about TTC and when. Once I told her that it was important to DH and I to have a strong marriage, she made it seem like it was her idea and to not start trying for a few years. I've actually noticed a lot of people will do that - agree with your decision and even convince you to wait a certain amount of time before starting.

I just don't let it get under my skin anymore. I'd love to be KTFU tomorrow, I don't care what they think about how MH and I are planning our future family.

Enchanted616 · January 2012

Under advice of the very smart ladies of this board, I've started responding "about nine months after I get pregnant." If said with a smile, it really throws people off guard and they don't ask any more questions.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because before we were TTC, I never realized how rude and annoying this question was.

That Icy Snowflake · January 2012

I know a lot of ladies here answer that with "9 months after I get pregnant!"

I hardly get asked that (not yet anyway!) but I admit, since starting TTC it feels like everyone I know has kids, or is getting KU except me!

Just keep smiling, because one day you WILL be able to say "YES WE ARE!"

lilydeven · January 2012

I get you.

The other day, SO's cousin asked when is the second one coming?

I said, hopefully soon.

She said "well you said when the first one is 18 months"

Yea, well that CLEARLY didn't happen.

Meggiemuggins · January 2012

I usually just smile and say "we'll see what happens", keeping it nice and vague.

feelingsad · January 2012

I completely understand. We recently bought a house and have been asked about a baby by everyone we know. What's most annoying is when they ask accusingly, as if we're holding back on having a baby.

sarah_e87 · January 2012

I've gotten very frustrated with that question and I usually respond one of two ways. I tell people, "I'll let you know when it happens." Or I'll tell them, "You know, the more you ask that, the less time I have for baby making." Either way, they usually stop asking. Only once did I respond with, "When the fertility gods decide to love me."

angelsnight · January 2012

Yeah, the security guard at work (who I'm work-friends with) asks me every time I see him if I am pregnant and asks what I am waiting for. I sometimes just want to say, hasn't it ever crossed your mind that we are trying and it just hasn't happaned yet? But that would open up a new can of worms that I don't want.

Most people just have no stinkin' idea it can take a while. Either their children have been oops's, or they were the lucky ones that did try and it happened quickly. This guy in particular has 10 children, and 24 grandkids! I'm going to assume he has no idea it can take a while.

So since I don't want people knowing my business, I play along with the notion that we're not ready yet. I told him we're enjoying our married life for a while before kids. We've been married for a year and 3 months almost and I said maybe 2 years is good. I know he'll still bug me, but it's easier to tell people you're not ready yet, then to tell them you're still trying.

Neesey · January 2012

Not today! That's what I used to tell everyone who felt it was their business to ask when I'd get married. I try to remember that most of these people are trying to be nice and don't realize that their questions are actually a bit rude. The same goes for customers I've never met who ask me if my business is doing ok. I just smile and ask them how they are doing financially. I haven't been here for 10 years twirling my thumbs!

KNemo · January 2012

Enchanted616:
Under advice of the very smart ladies of this board, I've started responding "about nine months after I get pregnant." If said with a smile, it really throws people off guard and they don't ask any more questions.

Yes Yes

janice9821 · January 2012

We get this, too. We weren't going to tell anyone we were TTC, but DH can't keep a secret to save his life, so he blabs pretty much anytime someone asks. It's not much of a secret anymore, so now we get even more questions. Lots of women at my job are announcing pregnancies right now too, so everyone is saying there must be something in the water, and asking me if I have anything to announce. I guess I need to start drinking more water. In the mean time, I just tell them, "maybe soon..."

LadyDavis84 · January 2012

I became sooooo sick of hearing this question. My husband and I married a bit younger and I suppose people just assumed we would immediately start a family. We waited until after we had been married for 5 years before TTC and then when people found out we were pregnant their response was usually "Well, it is about time!". Just don't let people get you with their nosie ways. Just tell them "when it happens!" and that is the truth! Good luck!

rrdiva1 · January 2012

Enchanted616:

Under advice of the very smart ladies of this board, I've started responding "about nine months after I get pregnant." If said with a smile, it really throws people off guard and they don't ask any more questions.

I try to give people the benefit of the doubt, because before we were TTC, I never realized how rude and annoying this question was.

melody921 · January 2012

Yeah, this always irks me too. People constantly ask us "when are you guys having another one?" We've also been trying since October, and it's just not happening as fast as it did with DS. Also, I'm not a person who likes to tell people we're trying. I feel like it's none of their business. When I'm pregnant, we'll tell people in our own time. So, I do like you do and laugh it off, or say, "Oh, we want another one eventually."

NoeliaV · January 2012

It is so annoying, but some people just don't understand boundaries... They'll probably be the same ones rubbing your belly out of nowhere or telling you their horrific birth experience(s).

I use the line that we used when people would ask "So, when are you getting married?" Our answer was always "Later." It usually confused them enough that they'd find something else to chat about.

beth9409 · January 2012

People ask sometimes. I usually respond that I prefer to just borrow other people's kids. That way I can give them back with they're dirty or acting bad. Works well around DH's family. There are several kids running around.

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