Just found out DH will prob. miss birth of our first child — The Bump
Military Families

Just found out DH will prob. miss birth of our first child

Hiya. Sorry this might be a tad long. I'm new to this. My husband has been working with a recruiter for 9 months now...he had surgery for a cyst and his recruitment was put on hold.

He's entering the Coast Guard and we were so confident that he'd be in basic by March because he reaches the cutoff age then and so on...Instead they granted him an age exemption and he starts basic May 8th....I'm due June 15th. He graduates basic July 3rd so there is no way I will go that late. 

The Dr. has said we could induce on a Friday night and try to get Dad a day pass, but there's no guarantee Dad will get leave. His recruiter explained that he will get two weeks paternity leave, but that cannot be taken until after graduation from basic.

I know this is the right thing for us and our family. DH has been working security 3 years trying to find a police job. Even with a degree in Criminal Justice he's had no luck. So this will get us into a better financial situation for the baby.

I know thousands of military moms go through this, but I'm scared. Also I can't even distract myself with setting up a nursery because we will be moving to God knows where after basic. 

So basically this is me throwing a pity party and looking for others who've been through this. 

Re: Just found out DH will prob. miss birth of our first child

  • Military mom's are the strongest women I know, but it doesn't mean we dont' get stressed or throw a pity party from time to time. So don't feel bad for feeling stressed. Personally, I wouldn't induce unless it was medically needed because it isn't best for you or the baby. Your husband is setting up a great future for and your family. If you husband has to miss the birth I would try to set up a good support system with family and friends. 
  • I'm sorry you're stressing about this. You are right, it does come with the territory. DH is deployed now and he will not be here for the birth of our first baby. We're also in a situation where we'll being PCSing as soon as he returns so setting up a complete nursery is out of the question for now. The induction may not be the best idea for obvious reasons, but also because there is no guarantee that YH will be able to get the day pass. I know it sucks, but eventually you'll get more comfortable with the idea of him not being there. It will be OK. Do you have a good support? Have you looked into maybe a doula or something to ensure that you'll have someone with you throughout the birthing process in case YH can't make it? I wish I had a magic solution to your problem as I've been kinda moping around myself this morning because I'm in a situation where I want to prepare for LO and I can't. We'll be OK. I'm going to get up in a few minutes and make the best of the situation I'm in and stop wallowing in self pity for now. I totally understand your concerns. GL!
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  • Girl I am right there with you except my DH will be deploying a few weeks before LO is born so he won't get to meet her until she is around 6-7 months old.

    I found a quote that sometimes helps me when I'm having a pitty party.

    "You need to remain focused and control what you can; don?t let your mind wander towards what you can?t."


    "Compare, where you are to where you want to be, and you'll get nowhere" ~Sara Bareilles

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  • I completely understand your situation and feel for you.  Try not to stress. 

    We found out yesterday that we are pregnant, my husband deploys at the end of January so he will miss the entire 9 months and most likely the birth of what will most likely be our only child.  (I am 36) 

    While I'm scared to go through this entire process alone I know that it was right for us to try now, our ages didn't make waiting until after deployment a very good option.

     Keep your spirits up and take solace in the fact that you have a partner even if he isn't in the room with you he will support you the best he can from wherever he might be.

  • DH is in the National Guard and we don't have to worry about long deployment this year but as I was looking over his drill schedule, my due date falls smack dab in the middle of his annual two week training. Now, he's scrambling & working with his superiors to find way to make up that time beforehand so that he doesn't miss anything. They are working with him but not guaranteeing anything. He missed the birth of his son 20 years ago and would be devastated to miss the birth of his second child. I've been through his deployments and did okay but the thought that he may not be there beside me while our child is born is killing me.

  • DH and I have had this conversation a million times before. Even when we were first married he thought it would be good for us to "plan" to have babies while he was on shore duty so he didn't miss out on anything. Of course, almost a year and a half year later trying and still no baby. I think now he realizes that there is never going to be a perfect time for anything, including having a baby while he is in the military.
    TTC our first Navy baby! Me:27 DH:30, together since 8/2003, Married on 7/2006
    9/26/10 stopped BCP and started TTC.
    9/2011 referred to RE. All blood work normal and DH's SA=normal results
    11/2011 HSG=both tubes clear
    One natural (monitored) cycle of Clomid, 50mg 2/2012= BFN
    Getting ready for first IUI, 3/2012 received orders to Japan! (postponed IUI)
    5/2012 Moved to Japan, fought Tricare for months over referral (no fertility treatment on our military base) for Japanese RE out in town!
    8/2012 Started seeing new RE
    9/2012, post coital test= hostile cervical fluid, (finally) moving on with first IUI!
    9/29/2012 IUI #1+trigger= BFN
    10/27/2012 IUI #2+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
    11/28/2012 IUI #3+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger= BFN
    12/28/2012 IUI#4+100mg Clomid CD5-9+trigger=BFN
    2/1/2013 IUI#5+injectables+trigger=BFN
    3/2013 IUI#6+injectables+trigger=???
  • Unfortunately, even if you're not military there's never a "perfect" time. It isn't easy, and doesn't help with the stress involved around pregnancy and a baby, but I hope that it goes smoothly for you both!! Can you talk to the recruiter and try to get his class up date moved up? Maybe someone else will have dropped out or gotten bumped and a slot will open up?
    ~*~ Nikki ~*~ DS born 2/18/08! TTC #2 since 01/2009 11/01 Round #5 Clomid 100 mg, IUI 11/14, at 10dpiui 11/26 Beta:12dpiui 114 11/29 Beta:15dpiui 755 1/9/10 First U/S: TRIPLETS! 6/20/11 And then there were six... http://andbabiesmakesix.wordpress.com/ Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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