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Single Parents
Questions for the "veterans" on moving on
So I moved on from my XH a long time ago - probably even before the seperation. So it is not moving on from him that I question. It is moving on with your "normal" life, when and how did it happen for you? How long did it take to "feel" super comfortable in your single parent shoes?
I just want to get on with my life - my own place (coming sooner than later:)), my own things, own space - getting "me" back. I know I will always have to deal with XH EOW or what not, but I want to get to the point where that is just a thing I have to do in the back of my head or on a calander and just live my life with my daughter.
Stories/suggestions welcome! Also any tips on making friends that are not family if you were previously isolated by your EX?
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Re: Questions for the "veterans" on moving on
I didn't feel like "me" again until I stopped feeling guilty about BD and the stuff he didn't do with ds or how I felt he needed to treat him (BD didn't and still doesn't put ds first - he is towards the bottom of the list.) - This was close to two/two and a half years after we broke up (we broke up when I was 7m pregnant) - so I've felt like "me" for a good (almost) two years - SO has helped so much with that too
Many of the things that I've bought is from money I've saved up and/or tax return dollars......this makes BD angry because he thinks I'm using CS dollars to pay for things
Now BD just pisses the hell out of me and all I can do is roll my eyes at the crap he tries to pull.....he tries to do things to where he doesn't think I know what he's trying to do (but I normally know even before he tries something!)
Making friends for myself is pretty hard. I don't have the extra $ to go out and do things to meet people; there isn't many people that I know that have kids/that are cool with someone having a kid, but the friends that I've made from dating SO are all the ones that I need/want!
In my bag
d90
50mm f/1.2 * 28-85mm (Macro) f/3.5-4.5 * 70-300mm f/3.5-4.5
Opteka Fisheye Adapter * Lightscoop
One of the biggest things that helped me was to join a local moms group on the website Meetup.com. Maybe if you can't find one you can start one...that's what I was going to do if there wasn't one already. 3 years later and the moms I met on there are some of my best friends and our kids have grown up together.
If you are religious you could try joining (or creating!) a small group maybe - some kind of support group for single parents or even just others going through/gone though a divorce/break up.
Just some thoughts. Check out craigslist for groups or meetup, thebump is great but I agree, IRL friends are necessary!
I was able to get back to normal really quickly. I think because my relationship with Ex was a disaster and I was mostly disgusted by him on a daily basis. I was dating again etc within a few months (on a casual basis) and spending time with friends and family and doing my own thing. It was about 11 months later that I met SO and we've been together now for almost a year. In the last year we've gotten into a good routine, I'm back in school, I make time for myself to go to the gym or go out with SO etc.
I'm kinda of going through the same thing. I am finally moving into my own place next weekend (nearly 3 months after STBXH went to jail). I still don't feel single but I have purchased a ton of new things for my new place and all of STBXH's stuff is officially at his friend's house so at least the aspect of his belongings being in my face is done and over with.
I can already see this as being an incredibley long and agonizing process. I am already beginning to have feelings of guilt for deciding to leave. And I feel horribly sorry for him regardless of the fact he was an extreme danger to me and our son and was very abusive. I pretend to wear a real smile but inside I'm still totally ripped apart. It's been 3 months already but I know it will take a year minimum to feel any type of 'okay'.
And as for friends, my ex moved us really far from my friends and family so lately I have been stuck with no one. I have been spending a lot of time with my parents and repaired my broken relationship with my father. I am slowly beginning to hang out with what remains of some of my friends and am also making friends with old high school pals who are new mommas. It's been a very slow process.