Community› The Bump Month Clubs› January 2012 Moms
January 2012 Moms
New Discussion

Anyone else's DH...

fyrefairiefyrefairie member
in January 2012 Moms

...just kinda being clueless lately?

I love DH, but lately I really just wanna shake him.  I'm sure he's having anxieties about becoming a father but he denies this (macho routine I guess), so instead he is just being a somewhat insensitive clod.  I have heard all these stories about DHs who are in wonderment of what their wives are doing during pregnancy...I don't get any of this-mind you I have been growing this baby, working full time and in grad school with a doubled up courseload throughout this pregnancy and still going to the gym at 39 weeks.  I'm a little impressed with my ability to keep up, it;d be nice if he was (and maybe he is, but its not outwardly expressed).  I'm not typically one to need alot of external reinforcement, but my widening girth, hormones, lack of sleep, etc have made me a little less secure than usual.  I've tried explaining this and its clear to me that he is just miffed. 

I know his daughter is inside my belly, but I feel like that's the only place he touches me anymore.  When I said as much, he jokingly "honked" my boobs...not exactly what I was going for. I  am sure he is just being thick because his overcharged masculine ego can't just admit he is scared or clueless or whatever but my hormone addled feelings have had all they can take.  He's usually pretty good about being attentive and at least tries to be understanding (albeit I think the subtleties of female emotionality are often lost on him), so I'm just wondering if anyone else has a DH who's head has taken a quick retreat up his rear as fatherhood nears and if so, what snapped him out of it...I';m presuming the birth will, but I'd prefer a day or two with him facing forward before LO is here, if possible.

Thanks for listening/reading.  I love DH, and I know this is probably just an adjustment phase, but I'm feeling fairly frustrated ATM.

 

Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

[url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt17701b.aspx[/img][/url]

 

Report Reply to Post

Re: Anyone else's DH...

  • mrs.larrymrs.larry member

    Sometimes I think that those of us who power through stuff, and just do what needs to be done, end up making it look *too* easy to our significant others, and we don't get that sympathy that some others seem to get. Especially if just getting it done has been our M.O. up till now. I know that with a 2.5 yo there just hasn't been any room for me to really slow down at all, and I think that DH thinks because I *don't* slow down, that I don't need too. 

    the other day he actually suggested we take our son to Disneyland. I looked at him like he was crazy. I said, "you DO realize that I'm nine months pregnant right?" and he actually looked a little surprised. I mean, I do a lot but I'm not about to go walk around Disneyland for a full day, chasing after an overstimulated two-year-old (not to mention spending 100 bucks to NOT ride anything!) 

    I think it's partly adjustment and partly that you've always been this super tough woman and that's who he fell in love with and it's difficult for him to switch gears to you being someone who needs a little taking care of.

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers A Little Barefoot Blog
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • mamacat123mamacat123 member

    I TOTALLY agree with mrs. larry.  I am also the "grin and bear it" type of woman, and have been throughout the pregnancy--I tend to want to just do things myself and haven't asked for a lot of support or sympathy from DH until these last few weeks, and I don't think he knows what to do now that I need more from him!

    I definitely think that I need to be more open about needing support after the baby is here.  And being specific about the support that I need.  I think DH gets overwhelmed when I cry or tell him that I don't feel supported, and is much more grateful when I tell him "I need you to go to the store and run X errand for me" or whatever.  So when our daughter is here, I'm going to try to be better about saying, "I need a nap--please take her for an hour" or "I need you to wash out these breastfeeding pump parts", etc.

    I'm sorry you don't feel like you're getting the emotional support that you need--I try to remember that this a huge adjustment for everyone involved, not just me, and that men definitely handle this kind of thing differently.  Plus, you've had the unique experience of carrying that little baby for the past 9+ months, and the baby is probably just not that easy for your husband to connect with until he/she is here. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • fyrefairiefyrefairie member
    Those are good points...I proly have superwomaned through it, I have been asking for more supprot but he proly is a little clueless as to how to switch gears..plus i'm hormonal!  Thanks ladies-I needed some perspective

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt17701b.aspx[/img][/url]

     

    Report Reply
  • mrs.larrymrs.larry member
    imageCatD2012:

    So when our daughter is here, I'm going to try to be better about saying, "I need a nap--please take her for an hour" or "I need you to wash out these breastfeeding pump parts", etc.

    VERY good advice. Specifics are a lot more effective than mind-reading, IMO. :) 

    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers Lilypie First Birthday tickers A Little Barefoot Blog
    Report Reply
  • lp0lp0 member
    My dh was pretty weirded out during my pregnancy. He was excited but as soon as I started really showing and could feel the baby move around we stopped having sex because it freaked him out to think there was a baby in there. Now that's it been three weeks since we had our son (4 months since we last had sex) we are both counting down the seconds to my six week check up for the go ahead from the dr. He also had a lot of anxiety of the L & D and about becoming a father. I often accused him of not even being excited about the baby coming. But as soon as he saw his son I knew that was never the case. He is so head over heels in love with him and loves to sit and cuddle with him for hours. He's also been tremendously attentive to me as well. Honestly I didn't think it was possible but seeing him as a father has made me love him even more. I know it's hard (especially with raging hormones) but try to give him some slack. It's a lot for him to process and if he's anything like my husband, the total feeling of helplessness and lack of control makes things hard to deal with.
    image
    "Happiness is like a butterfly; the more you chase it the more it will elude you but if u turn your attention to other things it will come & sit softly on your shoulder."

    BFP! 04/26/11 - DS born 12/28/11 - BFP #2! 04/02/13 - DD born 12/11/13 -
    My Ovulation Chart

    imageimage

    Report Reply
  • fyrefairiefyrefairie member
    imagelilnightmusic:

    Opposite.  DH won't touch my belly.  He doesn't like to talk about baby.  It's like he's completely disconnected to that and it makes me sad.

    However our sex life has never been better? And we've been spending a lot of great time together which is really nice.  I know he'll be excited when he sees his kid I just wish he would try and connect now.

    Maybe we could bang together the head of your DH and my DH and they would both end up somewhere in the middle-we're in no sex land because he thinks it will scar the baby, so I must say I'm a tad jealous, although I'd be annoyed if he were disconnected too.  Seriously, the way these men cope never ceases to boggle my mind.  I'm sorry your DH has connected yet though...I think they all must have a case of the pre-baby jitters..

     

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    [url=http://www.thebump.com/?utm_source=ticker&utm_medium=UBB&utm_campaign=tickers][img]http://global.thebump.com/tickers/tt17701b.aspx[/img][/url]

     

    Report Reply
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"