2+ Moms - Those with Preschoolers

CometsMom · January 2012

My son is 3 and currently enrolled in a small (catholic) preschool near our home, but I'm not sure how much he is really getting out of the school. They just tell me that he isn't a good listener and doesn't want to do his work - but they fail to tell me what I can do to help him be better. He is hyper and it's hard for him to sit still. I think he needs a smaller class, but DH wants him to stay in this school mostly because it's extremely affordable, and it's catholic.

I'm so tired of hearing that he is getting in trouble at school and the nuns blame it on the pregnancy. This really stresses me out and makes me feel like a failure at parenting him. What the heck am I doing having another baby when I can't even handle him!???

Any help or experience would really help. Thank you!

LillyGrrl · January 2012

CometsMom:

My son is 3 and currently enrolled in a small (catholic) preschool near our home, but I'm not sure how much he is really getting out of the school. They just tell me that he isn't a good listener and doesn't want to do his work - but they fail to tell me what I can do to help him be better. He is hyper and it's hard for him to sit still. I think he needs a smaller class, but DH wants him to stay in this school mostly because it's extremely affordable, and it's catholic.

I'm so tired of hearing that he is getting in trouble at school and the nuns blame it on the pregnancy. This really stresses me out and makes me feel like a failure at parenting him. What the heck am I doing having another baby when I can't even handle him!???

Any help or experience would really help. Thank you!

Honestly, not sure what your current pregnancy has anything to do with anything. That's the first thing. Second, the issue is mostly with the teacher not being able to control her classroom. If you feel it's too large find another, smaller, Catholic pre-school to send your son to.

How is he at home btw?

Our DD is starting pre-school at the end of the month (when she turns three, she's in a daycare/school right now that moves them up by age) and while I know she can sometimes be a bit of a pain in the butt the teachers have not said she is having difficulty adjusting to the pre-school routine.

Was your son in school/daycare before this?

CometsMom · January 2012

LillyGrrl:

Honestly, not sure what your current pregnancy has anything to do with anything. That's the first thing. Second, the issue is mostly with the teacher not being able to control her classroom. If you feel it's too large find another, smaller, Catholic pre-school to send your son to.

How is he at home btw?

Our DD is starting pre-school at the end of the month (when she turns three, she's in a daycare/school right now that moves them up by age) and while I know she can sometimes be a bit of a pain in the butt the teachers have not said she is having difficulty adjusting to the pre-school routine.

Was your son in school/daycare before this?

He is a hyper boy, no doubt about it - he needs to keep busy all the time. It's so draining on me. I asked the doctor if it was normal and he said very normal for his age.

He started preschool last March - so he was 2 1/2 when he started. He seemed to do okay in the 2 1/2 year old program, but not in the 3 year old program. This is a new teacher for the school and I just think she is over whelmed and he pushes the limits

january78 · January 2012

It's hard for most 3 year olds to sit still. Are they providing enough physcial activities to help him exert all that energy? Are they providing healthy snacks?

IMO, if they knew what they were doing, they would not be placing blame on your pregnancy. I would explore other preschool options.

kmhunt11 · January 2012

We've had issues with DD in school this year, too, especially as my pregnancy has progressed. A lot of kids act out as Baby-time approaches. They're understandably anxious about how the world is going to change. With DD, it was obvious this was an issue, so we heaped on the love and talked her through it. Her favorite thing to hear was how much we will ALWAYS love her, and how she is our best friend and nothing will change that. We talk all the time about how the baby will fit into our existing family. She seems less worried, although that was never all of the problem. If he's not listening/sitting still/whatever, it is his teachers' JOB to find a solution. You sound more than willing to work with them, but they aren't suggesting anything. I'd go to the director to discuss solutions. If you're not comfortable with what they propose, pull him and find something different. If you can't find another, better Catholic preschool, maybe you can revisit the school in a couple of years. 3 is a tough age for some kids to get on board with the school thing. It sounds like it's not suited for him. DD wasn't sitting in circle, and was not following instructions (like "put your shoes on to go outside", no problem with the more "academic" things). She was getting sent out of circle at every circle time. All I was hearing was negative things. I sat down with the director and she realized DD's teacher needed some gentle encouragement to find better solutions to a 3 year old not being interested in circle time. Her teacher re-evaluated himself and seems to be approaching it a little differently. DD no longer feels like her daily routine is to screw up and get sent away from the circle. I should have talked to the director way sooner than the day before Christmas break. I just didn't want to make waves and be "that" parent. Her teacher founded the school in 1985, and has been doing this ever since then. I also want to work there next year, so I was taking his word for it, and treading very lightly. Big mistake. My poor kid felt like she was a bad kid and started to not want to go to school. As a teacher and as a parent, I shed a lot of tears over this. I am so glad they've come around. I know that my kid was causing the problem, but it was the grown-ups' responsibility to find the solution, and they weren't. Their change of attitude + DD and I spending a great winter break together reinforcing what a good kid she is = a pretty much solved problem. GL. Sorry this is so long, but it seems we have very similar issues right now!

books4brooke · January 2012

I have an extremely emotional 3 year old so am dealing with concerns as well right now. As for the hyperactivity, I would say that this probably isn't the right environment for him, especially if it's very rigid and structured. Have you looked at Montessori schools? They don't require kids to sit still in the same way as I imagine a Catholic school would.

Floridamom224 · January 2012

DS is 4 (about to turn 5), and is currently in a Catholic pre k program. He has had a lot of issues this year with behavior. First, the teacher is verrrry laid back and she admits she has a hard time reigning him in. Shes the hug it out type, rather than be firm. He is with that teacher in the am, and then he is with two other teachers for the extended day program. They eat lunch, nap, have playground, do organized activities etc til I pick him up around 4. The afternoon teachers rarely have a problem...they will.let me know if he is a little rambunctious, but they also feel he is a typical 4 yr old boy, and I appreciate that. They are firmer and have a great schedule going. DS respects that, and in return I can SEE he respects them, and doesnt hold such high regard for the morn pre k teacher. The morn teacher says it.J's usually ds and another little boy that get out of hand, but yet she doesnt separate then, and we have told her several times that we r ok with moving ds into another class if that is what will help. Today, I walked in a little early at 315, and the same l boy and ds were playing with blocks nicely...no.issues. but, they were with the afternoon teachers who have a hold on the class. Dh wants to ensure they do move ds...the other class is smaller and the teacher seems firmer. Ds has a hardtime sitting and is hyper too. Ihave learner quickly this year that once he enters public school, the type of teacher he iswith is going to be crucial. Don't beat yourself up. It is so much easier said then done.I was so upset this afternoon when I got another bad report. I know ds does sense the upcoming change, and we havebeen very open and vocal about it....but, it is still going to be an adjustment. Good luck, and know that u r not alone!'''

mrs.gee · January 2012

I have to give a huge side-eye to any teacher telling you your 3yo is "getting into trouble". Wouldn't EVERY 3yo get into trouble if not properly supervised? What kind of "work" does he have to do at age 3 other than play and run around?? I think it's probably just a bad fit with this school and your kid, and that's no one's fault, but you should feel empowered to find the right school for him, Catholic or not. You are absolutely not failing at parenting him - this is just not the right combo. Don't beat yourself up.

gr8fulaa · January 2012

I know the other moms are saying sort of the same thing, but I just want to mention that this program doesn't sound age appropriate at all. Asking more of kids than they are developmentally ready to handle is setting them up for failure and is not fair to your son or you. Three year old boys are supposed to be hyper, it's what they do!

If you are truly concerned that your son has behavior issues that are impacting his ability to learn, an Occupational Therapist is the appropriate person to have him checked out- ask your pedi for a referral. It sounds like he is just fine, but this might give you some solid proof/reassurance!

Good Luck!

kel716 · January 2012

My son actually attends 2 preschools. He has a speech IEP, so he attends a preschool for that, in addition to the one at his daycare. We notice a difference in his attitude towards the 2 schools, but each has their own pros and cons.

I know from having gone back and forth on the daycare/preschool one that your mommy gut is worth making note of. I do think it's unrealistic to force them to sit. In my son's IEP preschool, where I have observed a little, they don't force him to do anything. He has sat way off to the side but is still participating. That's just him. If the current preschool isn't meeting his needs, I would look into others for the future. When you look into other preschools, ask questions about how they handle his behaviors. While I don't think the most expensive preschools are the best, I do think there are better ones out there.

leaabby · January 2012

I have a daughter in a Catholic Preschool program. She is 5, and while she is older than your son, she has autism. She doesn't sit very well for circle time and needs a lot of help and reminders to stay focused. We have been so lucky because her teacher is very accomodating and helpful. A couple suggestions for your school to try would be a fidget toy, something to keep his hands occupied during times when he needs to be still or focused. My daughter's school has a small wooden rocking chair for her to sit in during circle time if she chooses, she can sit on the rug or the chair. That way she can rock and keep moving while sitting. At one time they also had a little inflatable rubber seat cushion w/ nubby things on it for her to sit on. I'm not saying that your son is special needs, but if you search online for special needs products you may find some things that would help your son. You can also google "brushing protocol". This is something used to help calm kids that need a lot of sensory input. Your school really needs to be willing to work with you on ways to help your son, not just place blame. Unfortunately, not all teachers are well versed on the different "types" of children in school these days and don't understand that education isn't one size fits all. If this is truly the school you want to stay with then you may need to be the one going to them with things to try to help your son. You are not doing anything wrong as a parent, don't let yourself feel that way. All kids have different needs, it's just a matter of figuring out how to meet those needs.

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