Does the bitterness fade?

JulesDiane · January 2012

Even though I am pregnant and love my baby, I still feel very bitter. I suppose I am probably a little less bitter than I was before the BFP. I was at class with my DD today and there was a girl that was due a week before I would have been due if I hadn't miscarried the 1st time. Another girl had asked her when she was due, and that girl she indicated that she was 7 weeks pregnant. Announcing to random people at 7 weeks? I wanted to say, "yeah, well, I have had 4 pregnancies since July". There would be no point to my statement, and of course I would never actually say that.... And the only thing that would make me is a b*tch. It would accomplish nothing. It just made me realize that I am still jealous, and apparently I am very jealous of those that are so naive. I can only assume it will get better the father I get along? When I (hopefully) see my baby's heartbeat at 8 weeks (fingers crossed!) I hope some of the bitterness fades. Just curious if others feel this way?

VineyardMel · January 2012

I totally get it! I'm new at PGAL and I'm a little surprised at all of my emotions--I'm so excited but also still so sad and missing my May Flower so much. I'm about to have dinner with a friend who is due 2 weeks before my May EDD and I'm sure I'll burst into tears at the restaurant. I also find myself still feeling really jealous when I see someone with a bump that's about where I would be. This is all so hard!

badtzmaru22 · January 2012

I still feel that way sometimes, and I'm 36 weeks now. I can hardly believe it might be for real this time, even now.

All I can do is try to remind myself that I don't know everyone else's story, and try to be happy for myself now and focus on this baby and being excited for her. It's hard, but ladies here understand.

busterbeagle · January 2012

I don't think it ever goes away completely. There are less things that bother me now, but plenty of things still bug me. Just today my sister told me that her friend who is 12 weeks pregnant just wants the baby out already. I couldn't even respond. She is due the same week I would have been last year and just had a good u/s while I'm recovering from the anniversary of my heartbreaking one. No, honey, you do NOT want that baby out yet.

I think I will always be jealous of the naive or ungrateful-seeming ones. But considering I used to be jealous of any/all pregnant women, I guess it does fade. I hope you can start feeling better when you see that beautiful h/b!

charmedgrl517 · January 2012

I feel the same way And assume it is a part of Pgal which is harder than i thought it would be. I try to think positive about this pg without being too naive which is hard to do. ((hugs)) and I am praying that you get to see LOs heartbeat at 8 weeks and have a healthy and happy nine months

jaxie320 · January 2012

badtzmaru22:

I still feel that way sometimes, and I'm 36 weeks now. I can hardly believe it might be for real this time, even now.

All I can do is try to remind myself that I don't know everyone else's story, and try to be happy for myself now and focus on this baby and being excited for her. It's hard, but ladies here understand.

This exactly...except I'm 25 weeks.

LDW80 · January 2012

I don't know. I am still bitter at 28 weeks. Sometimes I forget that I am pregnant too when I see my FB friends announce a pregnancy or show their bump pic or announce a birth, I think I wish that was me (when in reality it is me and will be me having a baby in a couple months) but then the PGAL in me comes out and just thinks the worse like this won't be my take home baby. I really need to stop feeling/thinking that way.

quezzo · January 2012

LDW80:
I don't know. I am still bitter at 28 weeks. Sometimes I forget that I am pregnant too when I see my FB friends announce a pregnancy or show their bump pic or announce a birth, I think I wish that was me (when in reality it is me and will be me having a baby in a couple months) but then the PGAL in me comes out and just thinks the worse like this won't be my take home baby. I really need to stop feeling/thinking that way.

This is me too.

FreyaWin2382 · January 2012

I could have written this---I feel the same way. I was unprepared for how much trouble I would have "feeling" pregnant again....and I still can't look at some of the pregnancy stuff. I am hoping that as time goes on, I am able to keep moving forward and letting go of some of the anger and bitterness I feel from losing my little bug.

Hugs to you ladies.

lex382 · January 2012

I'm very new to Pgal but for me there is bitterness around the loss of being naive and fully enjoying the pregnancy. My acupuncturist told me yesterday that I need to learn to "trust in this pregnancy" which seems like wonderful, absolutely impossible advice. Maybe we'll come around after we delivery happy and healthy babies (fx)? The only "advice" I have is to not beat yourself up about it - it isn't fair that we've had to go through this and that others get to have really enjoyable pregnancies with no (or little) fear. ((hugs))

xoladiebug · January 2012

I didn't feel bitter after I got my BFP, but it was still hard to think about how far along I should have been. There would be times when the December check-in on here made me jealous (but not bitter). I will say that my husband exhibited some bitterness (in private) at Christmas when my brother and his wife announced they were pregnant. He confided in me that it's not that he wasn't happy for them, but he wanted it to just be our "moment"...especially after everything we've gone through (ttc since beginning of 2010 and then the m/c).

luvmyducks · January 2012

I don't know if bitter is the right word. Maybe more like jealousy for me? I still get upset when someone gets pg super easy. Like my brother/SIL. They got pg on the first try with my niece--but that was before my most recent loss--DH and I weren't even married. I was ecstatic. But she told me just a little bit ago that she's pg again. I am so happy for them, but I know they only recently started trying. It seems like they want it, and they get it--it comes so easy. So it stings a bit.

ambs21 · January 2012

busterbeagle:
I don't think it ever goes away completely. There are less things that bother me now, but plenty of things still bug me. Just today my sister told me that her friend who is 12 weeks pregnant just wants the baby out already. I couldn't even respond. She is due the same week I would have been last year and just had a good u/s while I'm recovering from the anniversary of my heartbreaking one. No, honey, you do NOT want that baby out yet.
I think I will always be jealous of the naive or ungrateful-seeming ones. But considering I used to be jealous of any/all pregnant women, I guess it does fade. I hope you can start feeling better when you see that beautiful h/b!

Umm... wow. I have a feeling I would have been a bit too able to respond! That would cause unbelievable outrage from me!

OP, I'm delivering today and still have a hard time sometimes. I try to remember that I don't know the stories of random pregnant women and do ok with them now. I really get irritated with the women who complain incessantly or talk about how unplanned it was and are just dealing with it. It's such a blessing, and it really bugs me when people don't see that. My SIL is now pg with twins, and that has been incredibly hard for me. She's separated, they weren't trying (at least not that he knew) and she has zero patience with the 5 year old she already has. She also announced on facebook before the pee was dry, announced 2 weeks later that it was twins the day she found out and started posting bump pics at 8 weeks. I had to block her. I love her, but it just drives me crazy! She said she felt ok about it since they both had really strong heartbeats. It was all I could do not to remind her that mine did too at that point.

Oh dear... I just broke into my own vent. Sorry! Yep, see, it never completely goes away!

michellepierce2004 · January 2012

Im with a lot of the PP's I don't feel bitter but I definitely am jealous! I hate that feeling too, because I have never been a jealous person! One of my co-workers who has 3 kids and is a year and a half older than me has always been able to get pregnant super easy and anytime she talks about it I get mad not only because of my losses but because we have been trying for two years now! The longest she ever had to wait to get a BFP was 2 weeks...All 3 Times! I am a hair stylist and so I'm with the public ALL day long! I have a hard time telling costumers congrats on pregnancies now because of my losses! And I HATE to hear people announce pregnancies on FB right after POAS! It makes me mad because I want to be able to do that and to tell everyone and not be wooried and let everyone else be excited for me too, but I am scared to death it won't work out AGAIN! We arent announcing for another 6 weeks even if ultrasounds look good! I know all to quickly how they can turn bad! Ok maybe I am bitter, now that I realize how I've went on and on in this post! I have tried to be thankful for my experiences that I've had though because I know after you've had losses that you appreciate everything even more when it is going right!

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