stances on baby's last name?

msalari13 · January 2012

I am pregnant but not married to my baby's father. I don't know whether I should hyphenate or just give the baby her father's name. If I hyphenate should my last name come first??
[Poll]

joyco · January 2012

I guess it depends. Do you plan on marrying the father? Do you think he'll be around forever (yes, that's a stupid question, but take it for what it's worth)? My SIL wishes she hadn't given her son his father's last name b/c now she feels like she can never change her own back to her maiden name (they were married, got divorced before she gave birth) b/c then she'd have a different name than her son.

So anyway, if I were you, I guess I'd hypenate (your name first, then dad's).

L L CG · January 2012

Does the dad plan on being involved at all in your child's life? If not, just your name. If he is committed to being a dad, I think I'd do my maiden name as a middle name and the dad's last name as the surname.

mcurban · January 2012

I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

kellenickle · January 2012

mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

This is what I would do too.

joyco · January 2012

mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

This is what I meant to say. I was trying to work within your poll choices.

libbyann · January 2012

mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

This.

L L CG · January 2012

joyco:
mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

This is what I meant to say. I was trying to work within your poll choices.

Yeah, me too.

shanwalk2 · January 2012

libbyann:
mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.
This.

Me too

msalari13 · January 2012

mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

I would do this if it was up to me but it will always be his baby too and he will be involved no matter the circumstances.

Nessia · January 2012

I want married to my kids dad and it never occurred to me to Not give them dad's last name. Kinda bugs me sometimes that I don't have the same last name as my kids.

mcurban · January 2012

msalari13:
mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

I would do this if it was up to me but it will always be his baby too and he will be involved no matter the circumstances.

If he makes that choice, sure. I don't know him from Adam, but beyond monetary support, you can't force someone to be involved in a child's life.

L L CG · January 2012

msalari13:
mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

I would do this if it was up to me but it will always be his baby too and he will be involved no matter the circumstances.

It is up to you.

userdeleted · January 2012

mcurban:
I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

I agree with this. I grew up with just my mom's last name.

If he feels very strongly about the baby having his last name I'd hyphenate. Yours-his.

A&Jmom · January 2012

If listing him as the father on the birth certificate, do you have a choice not to have the baby's last name be the father's? I'm asking because I thought you did, but I just assumed and could definitely be wrong.

Sinafey · January 2012

A&Jmom:
If listing him as the father on the birth certificate, do you have a choice not to have the baby's last name be the father's? I'm asking because I thought you did, but I just assumed and could definitely be wrong.

Yep, you do. Though we're married, I haven't taken DH's last name. When they were going over how to fill out SS paperwork they told me I could have it any way I wanted. She has DH's name because I plan on switching mine one of these days.

A&Jmom · January 2012

Sinafey:
A&Jmom:
If listing him as the father on the birth certificate, do you have a choice not to have the baby's last name be the father's? I'm asking because I thought you did, but I just assumed and could definitely be wrong.
Yep, you do. Though we're married, I haven't taken DH's last name. When they were going over how to fill out SS paperwork they told me I could have it any way I wanted. She has DH's name because I plan on switching mine one of these days.

Huh, I had no idea. My brother wasn't married to the mom when my niece was born and she gave my niece my brother's last name. I would never thought she would do that if she had a choice. (She has several times to to register my niece place- school!- under her last name) Interesting

MrsNole · January 2012

mcurban:

I would give the baby my last name. If/when I married the dad, then we would change the child's name.

Yes, yes, yes.

ali-1411 · January 2012

A&Jmom:
Sinafey:
A&Jmom:
If listing him as the father on the birth certificate, do you have a choice not to have the baby's last name be the father's? I'm asking because I thought you did, but I just assumed and could definitely be wrong.
Yep, you do. Though we're married, I haven't taken DH's last name. When they were going over how to fill out SS paperwork they told me I could have it any way I wanted. She has DH's name because I plan on switching mine one of these days.

Huh, I had no idea. My brother wasn't married to the mom when my niece was born and she gave my niece my brother's last name. I would never thought she would do that if she had a choice. (She has several times to to register my niece place- school!- under her last name) Interesting

You can give your kid any last name you want. It doesn't have to be the same as you OR DH. You could make up some totally random name and give it to your kid.

But changing it later is a b!tch. It was easier for us to involuntarily terminate parental rights and do an adoption than a simple name change.

ali-1411 · January 2012

Oh - the actual question.

OP - if you and your boyfriend are in a loving, committed, functional relationship and he's a stand-up guy who you have no doubt of being a good father, then sure. Give the baby his name.

But he's a douche who can't hold a job, says he'll stop smoking pot when the baby comes and occasionally finds his penis in other women...then give the baby your name only. Its way easier to change the name later to his name with his consent. Its impossible to change the name to yours without his consent.

bluestreet · January 2012

ali-1411:
Oh - the actual question.
OP - if you and your boyfriend are in a loving, committed, functional relationship and he's a stand-up guy who you have no doubt of being a good father, then sure. Give the baby his name.
But he's a douche who can't hold a job, says he'll stop smoking pot when the baby comes and occasionally finds his penis in other women...then give the baby your name only. Its way easier to change the name later to his name with his consent. Its impossible to change the name to yours without his consent.

lol (x 2)

bluestreet · January 2012

If things are really up in the air, I would give your LO his/her father's last name as a middle name and use my name as his/her last name. GL!

KristieR2007 · January 2012

I voted for his last name, but I'm pretty old-fashioned. I have a friend who never has any intention of taking DH's name (they've been married 10 years) and the kids all have his name.

PMBridetobe · January 2012

As the wife of a man who has two kids (one from a marriage where both Mom & Dad had Dad's last name but she gave the baby her maidan name) whom he tries very hard to be involved with but do not have his name, I vote for his name. If he is an involved father or you think he will be an invovled father, go for his name.

HSartteach · January 2012

I voted for the hyphenated last name. I understand where everyone is coming from with giving the child your last name. However, if you think that even if you don't get married that he will be a stand up guy, I'm old-fashioned and say to give his name.

My brother and the mother of his 2 kids never got married. They are no longer together. The boys have his last name. I think it would kill him if they didn't. He is a VERY involved father. FWIW, he did finally ask her to marry him, she said yes, then changed her mind and left him. So, that makes me even more glad they have his last name.

fjaril · January 2012

My maiden name is my father's name. I've never met him. I'm still happy to have had my own surname and not my mom's maiden name.

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