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separation anxiety. . .

mesmom2011mesmom2011
in Attachment Parenting

I lurk here often, and I respect the way you Mamas parent your LO's.  My LO is 9 months old.  She's a wonderful baby and is happy and lots of fun.  One thing that I struggle with is what appears to be separation anxiety or something.  I'm just not really sure the best way to handle it. . . When I leave the room, LO will cry like her little heart is broken.  Usually, if I don't return, she will become interested in her toys, but I feel bad because she is so distressed.  She does not do this for DH - only me.  I don't know if the best thing is to get her and take her with me (although sometimes Mama needs a bathroom break).  If she doesn't see me leave the room, she's fine, but I wonder if it makes things worse when she does see me go.  I work full-time (8 - 3) and DH stays home with her and they get along SO great during the day.  As soon as I get home at night, this behavior begins.  Sometimes, she cries if I just walk to the other side of the room.  I want to reassure her, but I'm not sure the best way.  She really is a delightful baby, and I don't want to sound like I'm complaining. .  . Any thoughts / suggestions would be very much appreciated. 

BTW, we bedshare / have a side-carred crib, LO is BF and nurses at least 3 times through the night. (So, I feel like she gets lots of time with Mama.)

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Re: separation anxiety. . .

  • MrsNeal2010MrsNeal2010

    SA tends to appear around that age and around two

     i would suggest telling her whats going on like you would anyone else "mom has to go to the potty ill be right back" that way when your back you are showing her that she has nothing to worry about. sometimes when you just leave it is unexpected to them an they have a negative reaction , for many reasons one being the fear that mommy isnt coming back

    kids go through phases right now she only does it for you , but i would be surprised in a few months or less that she does it for him and not you.

     

    do not start the habit of taking her everywhere with you and picking her up constantly , get on her level an play instead of holding her.

    if you start taking her to the bathroom you well never have moment of peace again 

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  • mesmom2011mesmom2011

    Thanks for the suggestions!  I don't take her everywhere because I feel like that's not helping and I've tried telling her where I'm going (just started today) and that seems to help a little.  She's actually pretty independent when playing if I'm in the same room, but often cries if I even stand up.  It's good to hear that this is just a stage.  It's funny because when we take her places, she's not this way.  We were recently at a family function with 50 or so people and she was very friendly and enjoyed being passed around to various people that she doesn't know.  It's mostly a problem when we're home.  I'll continue with the attitude that this too shall pass. . . Thanks again! 

     

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  • lovekissedmamalovekissedmama
    imageMrsNeal2010:

    do not start the habit of taking her everywhere with you and picking her up constantly , get on her level an play instead of holding her.

    if you start taking her to the bathroom you well never have moment of peace again 

    I disagree. And believe this opinion is not attachment parenting. At this age your LO does not know you will return, only that you have left her. The best thing you can do IS bring her with you when you can. The phase passes and it passes a lot faster and with less emotional stress on baby if you do everything you can to meet her higher than usual need for you. My LO experienced separation anxiety around that age and I began carrying her from room to room with me. Now, just a few months later I clean, read, do my own thing while she does hers. She is happy to stay with grandparents and no longer feels separation anxiety. I can't even remember when it stopped. Good luck and remember: you are her only mama and the most important person in her tiny world! She needs you to feel secure. The more you give her of yourself the more secure she will feel.
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  • mesmom2011mesmom2011
    imagelovekissedmama:
    imageMrsNeal2010:

    do not start the habit of taking her everywhere with you and picking her up constantly , get on her level an play instead of holding her.

    if you start taking her to the bathroom you well never have moment of peace again 

    I disagree. And believe this opinion is not attachment parenting. At this age your LO does not know you will return, only that you have left her. The best thing you can do IS bring her with you when you can. The phase passes and it passes a lot faster and with less emotional stress on baby if you do everything you can to meet her higher than usual need for you. My LO experienced separation anxiety around that age and I began carrying her from room to room with me. Now, just a few months later I clean, read, do my own thing while she does hers. She is happy to stay with grandparents and no longer feels separation anxiety. I can't even remember when it stopped. Good luck and remember: you are her only mama and the most important person in her tiny world! She needs you to feel secure. The more you give her of yourself the more secure she will feel.

    Thanks for your input!  I do generally take her into the other room if I need to get something done.  She'll play / snack in her highchair if I'm making dinner.  I don't take her to the bathroom (usually), but I try to accommodate her needs as much as I can.  It's so hard to know what is the right thing to do. . .

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  • lovekissedmamalovekissedmama
    Just follow your instincts. If it doesn't feel right, don't do it. Dont keep love and attention from your baby because you worry about setting up bad habits or don't want to lose control. These are common misbeliefs that you probably won't find on this board.
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