If you already have a child would you have another baby shower?

COmommy0f2 · January 2012

My BFF and I were talking and I was telling her about how I still need a lot of things for this little peapod. I already have a daughter, she is four. I had two amazing baby showers while I was pregnant with her (a work one, and one with friends). DD is four I have not been able to recover many things that I have borrowed out to an old friend. So my BFF said well you will get most of that at your baby shower. I quickly responded I am not having another baby shower, I have already had two with DD. My friend was astounded that I wouldn't be having another for this baby? I am sort of dumbfounded...are any of you that already had a child and a baby shower to go with it have another one? Or do you think that once you have been there, it is not okay to have another? I am just curious as to what the majority people think as I never thought it would be appropriate to have another shower.

bethCT · January 2012

we actually never had a shower with DD and I doubt we will for these babies, but I am planning to register because we do need things. But mostly I want to register for the completion discount

I would love to have one, because we never did, but feel it would be silly, you know?

zyas · January 2012

Well isn't it up to someone else to throw you a shower? I mean, you don't just have a shower for yourself right?

I don't expect on us having a shower for our little one, mostly because we just moved here last summer and don't know a whole lot of people here. Those friends that we do know here are struggling with low paying jobs, trying to get more hours in as it is, and I don't expect or even want them to buy anything for the baby cause they can't afford it.

missyannb85 · January 2012

I will NOT have another shower. I feel pretty strongly that unless there is a HUGE timeframe gap between children there should not be two showers. I have started a new job since having DD 3 years ago so the girls from work will throw me one but to invite family and friends to another one (I feel) is a big no-no.

dani2480 · January 2012

Personally, I've always found it kind of tacky when someone has a baby shower for a second (or subsequent) child -- especially if their kids aren't that far apart in age. I wouldn't do it, if it were me. It just seems so gift-grabby.

If anything, I could see doing something along the lines of a "sprinkle". For instance, someone could throw you a book-themed party to celebrate the baby, and ask that people bring their favorite childhood book, inscribed with a sweet note on the inside. Or, if the baby is the opposite gender of your first, they could request people bring an outfit for the new baby. But I certainly wouldn't put together a new registry containing all the stuff that you likely already received from baby #1. I know I'd feel a little bothered if I saw the item I bought for baby #1 was being requested yet again for baby #2 (and it was something that should be reuseable).

jerseygirl09 · January 2012

I'm in the same boat as you. My son is 4, almost 5. All of his things were gender neutral, and i was planning on saving everything, but unfortunately everything got ruined and molded out in our shed so everything was thrown in the trash. So with this baby, we're really starting from nothing, besides a tub, and bumbo seat. If people want to throw you a shower, sure, go for it. If you still have a good amount of things from your daughter's shower, you could always have a baby "sprinkle" which is basically a baby shower, but for minor little things.

nogitron · January 2012

It's strange to me that this seems to be a question for a lot of people. Maybe it's just because at my church, at least, growing up, a shower was thrown for every new baby! And doesn't every baby need/deserve new things? Especially if it's a different gender . . . though nothing says that the mom necessarily had the foresight to save the baby things from their first, even if it IS another baby of the same gender. I know we're out of luck if we've got a boy, here - we got rid of most of DsS' old stuff!

If someone offers to throw a shower for you, it's because they want to! What are you going to do, say no? Let them do something nice for you!

boxerbe123 · January 2012

I would be so embarrassed to invite the same people to a shower who have already be soon generous with my first child.

The ONLY way I would feel somewhat comfortable if it was a work shower, because I'm at a new office. But honestly, I think it seems very gift grabby to have multiple showers if you children are somewhat close in age.

jerseygirl09 · January 2012

nogitron:
And doesn't every baby need/deserve new things? Especially if it's a different gender . . .

this... new products come out all the time!

dani2480 · January 2012

jerseygirl09:
nogitron:
And doesn't every baby need/deserve new things? Especially if it's a different gender . . .

this... new products come out all the time!

But why is it that other people need to purchase those for you? If/when DH and I have a second child, we wouldn't do so unless we could fully afford to stock all the "new products" we'd want for that child on our own. I'd never outright ask my friends and family to provide those things for me -- especially if they were already so generous and thoughtful as to provide similar (but now "outdated") items for baby #1.

sfmom2B · January 2012

I recieved an invite to a baby shower just this weekend -it will be for her second child - who will be slightly less than 2 years apart from her 1st. It's being thrown by her mother and my MIL - at a restaurant. Personally I don't believe in showers for subsequent children - especially that close together. So I'm not going. When the baby arrives I do plan to send or visit with a small token for the child and with diapers. To each their own, just know you don't have to attend. If I was offered one I won't accept.

My husband family does do red egg and ginger parties after the babe is 100 days, which is fun in and of itself and allows ppl to meet our little one.

Joshsbabymomma · January 2012

I think its tacky, especially if you are having the same gender and they are really close together. Since we are having twins people have offered to throw us a shower, even though we had one last year, but DH and I have declined. We will be doing a meet the baby party 6 weeks after their birth and people can bring gifts if they want.

J.Johnson-Smith · January 2012

Yes every baby should be celebrated, but not at the expense of others. I wouldn't expect a shower. I had one for my first and that will be all that I have had since or ever will have. If people want to buy you a gift they will wether you have a shower or not. Having a shower makes it seem mandatory, let your friends and family decided on their own if they want to buy you a gift.

rellicdragon · January 2012

dani2480:
jerseygirl09:
nogitron:

And doesn't every baby need/deserve new things? Especially if it's a different gender . . .

this... new products come out all the time!

But why is it that other people need to purchase those for you? If/when DH and I have a second child, we wouldn't do so unless we could fully afford to stock all the "new products" we'd want for that child on our own. I'd never outright ask my friends and family to provide those things for me -- especially if they were already so generous and thoughtful as to provide similar (but now "outdated") items for baby #1.

I agree, when we do have a second child DH and I will be purchasing any items that we would need ...

nogitron · January 2012

dani2480:
But why is it that other people need to purchase those for you? If/when DH and I have a second child, we wouldn't do so unless we could fully afford to stock all the "new products" we'd want for that child on our own. I'd never outright ask my friends and family to provide those things for me -- especially if they were already so generous and thoughtful as to provide similar (but now "outdated") items for baby #1.

They don't HAVE to - I agree, it would be rude to throw YOURSELF a shower. I was working with the scenario that someone was offering. I dunno, maybe it's just me - I would always say yes to a chance to get together and celebrate with friends! But depending on your situaion, like, if you DID just have another baby of the same gender and have a lot of the stuff you need already, have it be a "no gifts" shower. Or having a "Meet the Baby" party afterwards sounds like another good option.

But for someone like the PP whose baby stuff got ruined and is starting from scratch . . . I dunno, if I were her friend I would WANT to help her rebuild her supply!

christieep · January 2012

I find this second shower thing depends on where you live. Where I am second showers aren't common, but I have friends in other places where they have a shower for every baby.

I think having a celebration for the mom and baby isn't a bad idea, but there should be no pressure to buy gifts. I like the suggestions above asking for books or a donation to March of Dimes. Then you are truly having a get together to celebrate and not get gifts.

M&D06 · January 2012

We won't be having one. Our kids are close in age and when we did register, we registered for gender neutral things so we would feel comfortable using them for whatever we ended up having. I'm not opposed to another shower if it's been awhile between kids and items are outdated (car seats) or you don't have them anymore. I'm also not opposed to 'sprinkles' or parties after the baby is born. It's a nice way to get everyone together but not expect the big tickets items you got at your first shower. If I had lent my stuff out to someone, I'd be on that person to give it back. I try not to judge though..every person's situation is different, but I would, personally, decline if someone offered to throw me another shower.

AmberMH08 · January 2012

I don't like the idea unless 5+yr age difference,gender difference or multiples the 2nd time around... My SIL had her girls 2yrs apart she kept everything fr her 1st and still wanted me to throw her 1 for her 2nd...because she had thrown me 1 the yr b4 for my 1st... so she better throw something together this time for me lol

buffyandchris · January 2012

It is not a big deal to have a shower for a second baby. If your friends and family want to give you one then I say go for it. If the person invited does not want to give you a gift then they don't have to. I personally am having a shower. This is my 3rd child but my daughter is 8 and I have nothing. Go for it.

missiemae · January 2012

I agree with most of the people who have to posted on the board and agree your you. Showers are meant to help get you started. I am one who feels uncomfortable at showers thrown for me as it's like asking for gifts and handouts.
If people want to buy something for the baby they will and will give it to you or bring it when they come to visit. Per people's request I will be registering for a few things at a store for those who are interested. (This is my 4th and was completly unexpected and have been selling baby clothes and things the past two summers as I thought I was done)

And no baby NEEDS OR DESERVES new things! How absurd! and such a waste!

sarahandeddiejune212008 · January 2012

If someone offers to throw you a shower than it is perfectly fine. Many people refer to them as "sprinkles" for a baby that is not the 1st. If someone offers to throw a shower for me I will gladly accept, especially if this lo ends up being a boy.

Alauren4 · January 2012

We will have another one, my youngest son is 6 yrs old and we have no baby items, my husband and I will purchase large items and my family will throw us a party for small things. My husband and I both come from families that just love to have a good time/party. So even if we didn't care to have a shower our families would want to get together and celebrate regardless.

tmwhitley · January 2012

I agree it depends on where you live and your friend circle. I think the idea of a sprinkle sounds like a good idea for your situation. My SIL had one for her 2nd which was 4 years after her first because she has a huge close family that wanted to throw her a 2nd shower so it was mainly family and a few close friends. I dont remember anyone having an issue with it. Bottom line I know you asked for opinions but it is really up to you and what you feel comfortable doing.

aleejandraa · January 2012

In my opinion there is nothing wrong with a baby shower for the new baby, in our family each baby has one because we don't view it as a way to get gifts out of people but a chance to get together and celebrate, even if you already have a child dosen't mean you won't be needing things for the new baby, I'm surprised that so many people are against this.

OUKatie · January 2012

I would never accept an offer to throw a shower for a 2nd (or later) baby, regardless of the situation.

I'm sure we'll need things when we have our next one but DH and I will buy them. I don't care about age spreads/gender differences. You get showers with your first and that's it.

Of course, it's also unheard of in my circle for your own mother to throw showers for you, so I get the feeling that I'm just used to people who are sticklers for etiquette.

KMBC2552 · January 2012

No, but my kiddo's are only going to be 17m apart so I feel like I just had one. If there was a bigger gap and someone was offering to throw one, then maybe, but even then, it would have to be more like a sprinkle, and not a big shower. That just seems gift grabby to me.

CareZ · January 2012

If it's a really close friend or a family member, I don't mind attending a baby shower for a subsequent child. Outside of that I generally don't attend.

If friends/family want to do something nice for you & baby then there are other things that can be done. With my 2nd some friends wanted to throw me a shower, and as thoughtful as that was my girls are 2 yrs apart and I didn't need anything. So they ended up hosting a nice, small (8 dear friends) brunch for me. I insisted on no gifts, but everyone showed up with a package of diapers so that was sweet (and helpful!). They just wanted to celebrate the baby and I feel that was a great way to do it without it being a big production.

Eddy1 · January 2012

I hope not!

I appreciated it the first time but I would prefer to not go through all of that again. And we don't need another shower even if we had a girl we don't need a big party to supply the clothes.

myluckypig · January 2012

It all depends on your friends/family. In my group of friends...it is not tacky! We all fight over who gets to host showers and have a blast planning and attending them. They are fun for everyone because we all get to get together and hang out with a buncha ladies!

my BFF who lived in another state while I got married and was pregnant with my first insisted on hosting me a shower because she did not get to plan anything last time. She is totally excited and talks about it non-stop. It truly is bringing her joy to throw me a shower (LOL!! I know).

COmommy0f2 · January 2012

As I expected the majority of people believe it is tacky, as I feel the same way. I was just curious as to what others thought as I tend to be anti-showers and that sort of thing for myself as I hate being the center of attention. I would rather be the one throwing the shower. I do not plan on having a second shower and my BFF lives in OK where I guess according to her at least everyone has a second, third, etc shower. It is not for me. Though if any of my friends that still live here ask to throw me a shower I will politely decline.

DH and I have already decided to have a welcome new baby party a few weeks after LO gets here, as I love to entertain. We will ask that no one brings gifts as for us that is not what it is about, we want to spend time with our friends/family.

As for the items I need, I know I can find those at thrift stores, and garage sales, and whatever else we will just buy. I will not be able to get my items back from the old friend as she is refusing to give them back, selfish B$#@*! But that is besides the fact at least she is out of my life, and that is worth all my baby stuff!

one more makes four · January 2012

I never expected a shower with my second or third babies, but a few groups of friends did put together small surprise showers for me. I had NO CLUE they were doing it until I showed up! It was very sweet of them to be so thoughtful, but I totally did NOT expect it.

I'm going to make a point of letting these gals know that while I appreciate the thought, I would prefer not to have any kind of shower with this baby. The gift of their friendship and support is more than enough, and honestly, we have more than we need already. If there is anything we do end up needing, dh and I will buy it.

As to the comment that every baby "deserves" new things, I have to disagree. We Americans are so darned spoiled and entitled that we think we have to have all the new "stuff" all the time. The truth is, a baby needs diapers, clothes, food, and a safe place to sleep. The gadgets and toys are just extras and no infant in ever going to know if the bouncy he or she is in is brand new or slightly used.

jessicap70486 · January 2012

Ok when I was preg with DD I had a HUGE shower, got every item and more that I could have ever dreamed of. DH and I got very very lucky that all of our friends and family were able to do that for us. DD will be almost 4 by the time LO gets here and we have all of our big items that are gender netural still and in great condition. However, earlier this year DH got stationed in colorado, a whole new group of friends, co-workers ect. and a good friend of mine here has offered to throw us a shower. I have accepted the offer as I think it will be great to get all of our different friends together, it wont be anything big like last time though. If this LO ends up being a boy there are some things that we will get new because some items like carseats, stroller and crib sheets are all pink and purple. Other than that mostly just clothes, we are completely prepared to buy the stuff on our own, but I don't see any problem with letting our friends here join in the celebration of this baby. I think its sweet and vey thoughtful and helpful. Now I wouldn't throw MYSELF a shower but since its been offered, i will graciously accept.

CrystalDaun · January 2012

I had a nice shower w/ DD and didn't think I'd have anything for DS so I just bought things I thought we'd need. My best friend told me she wanted to get the girls together for thai and I agreed. Then they showed up at my house w/ thai and cupcakes & gifts. She threw me a sprinkle. It was so cute! They got me boy things like clothes, bibs, new pacifiers and bottles. It wasn't like some big shower but they def. saved me a couple hundred dollars. It was so nice. I don't think I (personally) would have felt comfortable w/ another shower because my DD was only 18 mo. old when DS was born. I didn't want to seem greedy. Which is prob. why my friend did it the way she did :-) I don't think it's tacky if its small and if people want to throw you one then let them. Mom's who go around asking for another one...or one in the 1st place, tacky IMO.

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